Hello,
I'm hoping to get some help here or suggestions. I'm a working mother of two toddlers and I am happily married. I know my boys are happy, but there is one thing missing - that is Grandparents. My husband I both remember great memories w/ our grandparents and we want our children to have this experience as well. So, my question is does anyone have any recommendations on how we could find someone to join our family which not only will enhance ours but there's too?
Just another note - I checked into websites and they seem to have foster/volunteer grandparents for children in need (medical) which really does not classify. I also checked into Churches, but honestly have been getting the run around. We live in Orange County, CA. Thanks in advance for your help. ↓
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| Name: Jeannie | Date: Mar 1st, 2006 7:27 PM |
| Where do you take your children for daycare? It's possible that your childcare provider might know of a couple who would enjoy meeting your kids. Or an adult community. You might check with the manager and see if he/she knows of anyone. I know several people in Orange County. I'll ask around too! ↑ |
| Name: Stace | Date: Mar 1st, 2006 7:38 PM |
Hey Jeannie,
Thanks for you reply. My kids go to a preschool, that's a good suggestion about asking the school, I'll try that. You know, I just want to find an elderly couple/ single, that's trustworthy, loving and who loves children. You would think this would be a easy task, but it truly isn't. We are in Buena Park, CA.
Your help is appreciated. :) ↑ |
| Name: sonia | Date: Mar 1st, 2006 8:06 PM |
I understand you wanting some good experience for your children that you had as a child but why is it soo important?
my children do not see their grandparents much because I had abusive parents. My children are very happy just to do things together as our own family we are very close and this is fullfilling enough. Plus how do you know who you can trust these days. I think is sounds too scary. They wouldn't have the same type of bond you had because they will not be real grandparents. What happened to your parents? ↑ |
| Name: Sonia | Date: Mar 1st, 2006 9:57 PM |
Hi Sonia,
I'm asking for a recommended place to refer to, not someone off the street. When you look up the subject of Foster/Volunteer Grandparents, there are many lonely elderly people who have no family and are lonely. This is also good for our children and teaches them respect of the elderly. I think this is positive in both ways. Of course I wouldn't get a Joe off the streets - there are means/ways to check the back ground of indivuals - as you would do for your own sitter.
As I stated, my family is very happy but we would like to extend our family to others in need as we are. Since you grew up in a abusive family, maybe you don't have good memories of your grandparents - but I can tell you if we can bring joy both ways in individuals then that's what matters.
Our parents are both out of state and are fighting cancer. My question to you is that you let your kids see your parents? why if they were abusive to you? Also, do you think the bond isn't there for adopted children because the parents are not truely there's? Love and family is a gift, that's how I look at it. ↑ |
| Name: stace | Date: Mar 1st, 2006 9:59 PM |
| Sorry, I didn't change the name to Stace on my last message. ↑ |
| Name: sonia | Date: Mar 1st, 2006 10:34 PM |
I'm sorry I didn't give you the answer you were looking for. As for the question you asked me about my kids seeing my parents. They only see my parents if I am there and I chose not to cut them out of my life despite the fact that my childhood was abusive. I still love my mother and forgive her despite the past.
People change and they don't treat my children badly when we see them which is like once a year. I think there can be a wonderful bond between parents and adopted children but it is still not the same. "Love and family is a gift, that's how I look at it." I totally agree. sorry to bother you ↑ |
| Name: Stace | Date: Mar 2nd, 2006 12:07 AM |
Sonia,
No problem on not helping me with my original question. I can answer opinions or questions and am not taking offense. Just so you know, I am a very protective parent and would never put my children in danger. Our immediate family is very close and do most everything together (except when we are at work of course).That's great your parents change, but you must have some mistrust still (I know I would) since you state you stay with them on the visits. Regarding the families who are involved in adoption, I still think you need to look outside the box. You alone can testify as an abused child - even your own parents can not give the bond. It's all about the parent and child. I used to say the same thing as you, so I know where your coming from but until I got involved and saw it myself with adopted families I realize I was totally wrong. ↑ |
| Name: Stephanie | Date: Mar 2nd, 2006 7:03 AM |
I agree that it is important for young children to be exposed to the oldest generations. It is all part of learning respect for others.
My only grandparent, my grandmother, died when I was 5, and she was very sick for the year previous. But I love her fiercely even now, in a way that I cannot love those that I know better then I knew her. There's something about a grandparent bond. The only one that comes in a close second, is a great aunt of my exhusband's that I had bonded with years ago. I knew her for 4 years before she died.
Fortunately, my children have fared better even though my father is not allowed in the picture, and their paternal grandfather is passed on. But the grandmothers are very active in their lives.
How about grandparents of trustworthy friends? Anyone you grew up knowing? I like the advice of the foster grandparent organizations the best for now.
But it is a good idea also to keep an eye open at church for an older person. Over time get to know these people and your children can be exposed to them in church settings, hospitality hour, etc.
Over time I have met some of my dear friends this way. We would drive them to church with us, and sometimes have them over for dinner every once in awhile. Usually in time they end up in nursing homes and we would go visit them there which allowed us to interact with and get to know even more grandparent types. Most kids love going to the nursing home and getting all the attention, that is until they turn 10 or 12 or so. (Then, like everywhere else it's "Do I HAVE to go???")
There is no need to leave the children alone with them in these kind of situations, and your children grow up learning how to respect older people, which, as time goes on, should help us all as we get old too.
It's not the nice close relationship that one can have with a grandparent, but it is beneficial still for everyone involved. And I recommend it. ↑ |
| Name: Stace | Date: Mar 2nd, 2006 4:11 PM |
| Thank you Stephanie for your suggestions and support. I will take your advise about church. Take care ↑ |
| Name: Alicia | Date: Mar 9th, 2006 9:48 PM |
| This may sound alittle strange depending on your point of view but there are many elders that are so lonely that would love the company of children. I would think a retirement facility would be perfect to find that "grandparent" your looking for. I think it would light up thier lives to have kids wanting to go there and see them, not everyone has visitors. Im sure they would enjoy the company,art project to hang on their wall, reading books together, Im sure it would be a special experience for your kids and them. ↑ |
| Name: Kristin | Date: Mar 10th, 2006 2:37 AM |
| Have you thought about taking your kids and and volunteering at a retirement home? Older people LOVE kids,and im sure you could find a place that could use some help entertaining them. Maybe playing games or reading ect.... just a suggestion! ↑ |
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