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Im 23 and married to a great guy who is 30 but it all seems to be going wrong.His mother has moved in and she is taking control she tells her son my skirts are to short so he told me no more short skirts then my tight jeans went then all my sexy undies she has bought me knickers that come up to my waist and plain bra.Then my hair was to long so I had it bobbed but she is not happy with that and wants it cut real short at a gents barbers.I spend my time in dress,s that are down to my knee cleaning and cooking she is 65 and im starting to look the same i love my husband but how far do I go.I have tried to reason with him but he says his mother knows best.I dont want to leave but dont know what to do. ↓
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| Name: Sally | Date: Jun 23rd, 2006 1:04 PM |
| Why did your mother move in is it short term.If its not you should try to get your husband to consider a move somewere else and leave your mother in law behind.If he is under her thumb you have problems she is pushing YOU to leave.How far will you go to keep your husband happy pleasing his mother its up to you stop or get down the barbers its your choice. ↑ |
| Name: Jane | Date: Jun 23rd, 2006 1:48 PM |
| Why did you comply with this womans orders in the first place are you mad.How can you just let this happen she now has you in her choice of clothes even underwear and you have been foolish enough to have your hair cut and you may get it cut shorter.Does your husband like what your mother in law is turning you into I think not its time to tell her to go NOW.Dont forget Rachel this is only the start it will get worse tell your husband to tell her to go or you may have to go it is time to choose. ↑ |
| Name: Sue | Date: Jun 23rd, 2006 3:00 PM |
| You are an adult time to act like one small children have their clothes picked and haircut style decided for them,not much style at a gents barber Rachel, be your age or are you going to wait untill she starts bathing you and smacking your bottom stop reasoning with your pathetic husband and make him put her out. ↑ |
| Name: pj754 | Date: Jun 23rd, 2006 4:05 PM |
| Just because she is 65 doesn't mean she has the to right to tell you exactly how you should look. It sounds like hubby loves his mom more than you. If that's case, then he should choose. Ask you hubby exactly why he married you? Was it for your personality or looks or a little of both? Obviously, he married you the way you were not for the way you are now. I wouldn't change just because his mom says so. Did she have a problem with the way you dressed when you married him, my guess would be she did and couldn't wait to move in to change you. Don't change for anybody. Be you!!! Do what makes you happy. Stand up for yourself. Your husband needs to see it and if he doesn't then it will make things worse in your relationship. Besides, what you wear behind your bedroom door is yours and hubby's business, not hers. ↑ |
| Name: Ann | Date: Jun 23rd, 2006 6:38 PM |
| What was she like before your marrige or have you done somthing to upset her since.Try and think you may be able to put it right.She seems to be punishing you and trying to drive you out you must find out what the problem is and try for a compromise.You must sit down and talk it through dont go to the barbers stop submitting get your husband on your side completly ↑ |
| Name: Rachel | Date: Jun 23rd, 2006 8:40 PM |
| Thanks for your thoughts you are right Ann she is punishing me I did make a mistake and she caught me in the act I thought it was forgotten untill she moved in now Im trapped in my own house and she is making me dance to her tune if I own up to my husband he may never forgive me.I have begged her for forgivness on my knees but she is adarment I must be taught a lesson.Do you think I should own up? ↑ |
| Name: Ann | Date: Jun 25th, 2006 6:34 PM |
| I dont know what you have done but I can guess if you dont want your husband to know you will have to do what ever your mother in law wants.Thats not good it could go on and on time to tell I think. ↑ |
| Name: Jess | Date: Jun 25th, 2006 8:24 PM |
| You did the crime now pay the price your mother in law is ok serves you right ↑ |
| Name: Danan | Date: Jun 26th, 2006 9:02 PM |
Oh my God are you for real or are you kidding, How can u let your mother inlaw tell her son how you dress that is so rude of her. Some one needs a bitch slape for sure. and im not talking about you im talking about her and her son. U should have a long talk with her and say "Look im way pass 18 and i had a mother and father so i dont need a over the hill bitchie mother inlaw who has a poll up her ass to get in the middle of my marrage stick her nose where it doesnt belong unless you wants to lose that old hook in the from of your face. but if not stay out of my business and keep your ^%$%#@ remakes to your self." Then kick her ass out and has for him I would sit him down to and if he didnt like what you said then you say to him "Well someone had to act like a man in this househole knowing how you love hidding behide you mother's shirt 24 +7 so I did the jobe for you and by the way i have bigger balls then you do because i can put both of you in your place at the same time." And if he says anymore then that Trun around and say " Grow some balls or is your mother holding those also for you"
Sorry love by I see it just like
I wouldnt let any man or inlaws tell me how to run my life and I have been married for `11 yrs going on 12 now ↑ |
| Name: Jess | Date: Jul 6th, 2006 7:12 PM |
| What happened Rachel did you give in and go to the barbers is your mother in law still punishing you? ↑ |
| Name: Rachel | Date: Jul 17th, 2006 10:57 PM |
| Yes Jess she did take me to the barbers and my punishment does go on I need to come to terms with it before I tell you what happened later maybe sorry im so upset ↑ |
| Name: bladerunnerx16 | Date: Jul 18th, 2006 1:48 AM |
| And when exactly did she take over your body? Weaar what you want to, and tell her if she dosen't like it, there is a nursing home just around the corner. ↑ |
| Name: SPEAK UP | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 1:17 AM |
| ITS YOUR HOUSE, YOUR HAIR, YOUR CLOTHES &YOUR DECISIONS!!! DONT BE A PUSHOVER! KICK HER OUT! ↑ |
| Name: susan | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 4:51 PM |
| what does your mother in law do if you buy a dress she does approve of did she spank you or ground you STOP ACTING LIKE A TEENAGER ↑ |
| Name: truth sayer | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 7:27 PM |
That bitch is a freaking Nazi! How dare she tell a 23 year old grown woman how to dress and act? That is ridiculous. Just because she is your mother in law doesn't mean she's literally your mother. And even if she was, you are 23, not 13.
Stand up to her and tell it to her face. You are a grown woman and you want to dress how you want to dress. Tell her she has no right to control you, and that if she disagrees, she can get out of this house. ↑ |
| Name: Me | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 8:01 PM |
| You need to own up to your husband before she does it for you. ↑ |
| Name: Rachel | Date: Jul 20th, 2006 6:24 PM |
| My mother in law told my husband that i had been flirting with some guys thats a lie but he believed her because I have done it in the past she said getting me a real short haircut at a gents barbers would stop me HE AGREED.She took me and told the barber to give me a old fashioned basin cut he cut my hair very very short with sissors and then used electric clippers up just past the top of my ears but she was not happy with that and had him clipp up another two inches I just sat and cried then he put some cream on the back and sides and shaved of the stubble. I now have a short fringe and a shaved back and sides with very very short hair on top.When we left the barbers people laughed at me in the street.My husband is very unhappy about how I look but has ageed that I must stay like this untill my mother in law is happy that I have learned my lesson.She has told me she will be looking after my hair from now on and has bought some clippers and a razor.Im sorry i have gone on but I just had to tell someone I cant face going out people just stare and laugh ↑ |
| Name: rain | Date: Jul 20th, 2006 6:39 PM |
Rachel'
So you know, you only get one life, and it’s never long enough. No one can help you or change your life except you. I don’t think you have a great guy at all. This is not love. And why cant people understand that because you love someone does not mean you allow them to treat you badly. Why would you allow her to do this to you? This is abuse. Why does he allow it? Why do you allow someone to torture you this way? Why allow them to hurt you? Why? ↑ |
| Name: Jane | Date: Jul 20th, 2006 9:00 PM |
| You are a very very stupid young woman I understand that you comitted some sort of indiscretion and that your mother in law caught you. What you fail to understand is that she will contiue to punish you and your husband is of no use to you.What you must do is leave NOW your mother in law is in total control she picks your clothes and dresses you in old womans underwear now she has had your hair cut off she has only one use for the clippers and razor she has bought and that is to SHAVE YOUR HEAD get out now you stupid fool!!!! ↑ |
| Name: Jenny | Date: Jul 20th, 2006 9:46 PM |
| I just dont know why o why you dont tell your husband the truth you are a young woman you should be out with your husband enjoying yourself not stuck in the house with a stupid haircut you brought that on your self.Its right what rain says you only get one life dont waste it come clean own up do it today good luck ↑ |
| Name: Deathbunny | Date: Jul 20th, 2006 10:09 PM |
You know, the first thing that came to mind about reading this was that she was trying to "de-sex" you. It honestly sounds like she feels threatened by your attractiveness and sexuality and/or she's afraid that you might "take her son away from her."
So, I think what you should do is four things:
1. Do what you can to get her out of the house as soon as possible. There are homes, assisted living if she needs it, a nearby apartment of her own. Anywhere but there.
2. Ignore her as much as you can. You have no duty to comply with her wishes. You didn't marry her.
3. Seduce your husband through actions, words, and deeds regardless of your mode of dressing. Try to keep your marriage alive. I bet you can still make long dresses and short hair sexy if you want to. Remind him that you are sexy all the time and that's not going to change.
4. Make it very clear that what your mother-in-law is doing is unnacceptable to you and that it is hurtful. Make it very clear to your husband that you didn't sign up to be his mother's plaything and that, if she doesn't go, leave you alone, or he doesn't stand up for you, that you are moving out until it happens. If he makes it clear that he's more interested in mommy running his life than being a big boy and being married, then there's not much you can do about it than get out early, grieve the relationship, learn from it, and move on with someone who loves you more than mommy..
Honestly, you have no reason to please this woman. The only people you have any real reason or need to please is YOU and your husband. Even then, if he continues to side with her and she won't leave, you need to make it clear that you, his wife, needs to be more of a priority than mommy is.
She's 65 and the average life expectancy means you might have ten years of that to go through. And, if this is any indication, it would be a very long road... ↑ |
| Name: Deathbunny | Date: Jul 20th, 2006 10:14 PM |
Damn, didn't see your other replies.
Move out now.
After you've left, make it clear why you left.
If your husband isn't able to trust and care for you more than mommy, you need out of this emotionally abusive relationship.
If he wises up later, MAYBE reconsider but I don't think I'd trust any son of a bitch who lets what you wrote happen to you.
As to your hair, it'll grow back.
If they try to stop you leaving, call the police.
Just leave now. ↑ |
| Name: Rachel | Date: Jul 20th, 2006 10:33 PM |
| Thank you deathbunny I know that i should leave but I feel so lost Im like im under her spell when i look in the mirror a freak looks back I just do as im told she is in control im like a small child i dont know how to get back to wear i was thank you again I will try ↑ |
| Name: Jane | Date: Jul 20th, 2006 10:45 PM |
| You must see now Rachel that everone is telling you the same thing get her out or get out yourself she will only make up more stories to tell your husband and demand you are punished more think she has taken all your cloths dressed you in what she wants,had all your hair cut off whats next is she going to beat you, this woman is destroying your life you must act come on Rachel get it together ↑ |
| Name: rain | Date: Jul 20th, 2006 10:55 PM |
Deathbunny,
You really impress me to no end every time you post. If you don’t mind me asking what is the level of your education? Besides your obvious understanding of psychology. Are you a doctor? We all appreciate reading what you have to say. Thank you.
You could not get better advice,Rachel, take it. ↑ |
| Name: Deathbunny | Date: Jul 21st, 2006 2:22 AM |
Rachel:
It doesn't matter what you look like right now.
If you get out, get somewhere safe, your hair will grow back and you won't feel like you're looking at a freak in the mirror. Instead, you will start looking like yourself You will also start feeling more in control of yourself.
It is VERY important that you do so.
What they are doing is abuse AND it is a calculated effort to control you.
It is wrong.
If you can't do it all by yourself, seek help from friends or call the police or a local spousal abuse agency.
Rain:
Not a Doctor yet.
Academically, I'm only a college junior pursuing a Psychology B.S. with a strong background in Anthropology and Biology. I have had other basic medical training as an Army Medic and as an EMT, including training with psychiatric problems.
Personally, I am a very analytical person with a major interest in human behavior. I'm also a cynic, so it makes me question what I know about a situation and what people say and do. This makes me less likely to stop at the easy answers.
Philosophically, I am a Taoist. I believe that everyone/thing is connected and there are no patently good or evil people which forces me to look at everyone's motives without the shorthand of tagging them "good" or "evil" and stopping there.
Historically, I am the product of a broken home and have had a divorce myself, 3 children, 2 stepchildren, two sisters, and a set of 3 stepsiblings that have too many issues to start with. I know screwed up when I see it and have seen screwed up in many variations.
Socially, my friends tend to talk to me about almost any and everything and many have had very rough lives. I like to learn from their examples and my friends run the gammut on life experiences and abuse.
In a way, I seek out the "less than ideal" situations to try and help and to try and learn from them. I'm not perfect, I'm not credentialed, and I make every effort to see my limitations and provide rational reasons for my advice... ↑ |
| Name: rain | Date: Jul 21st, 2006 3:14 AM |
Deathbunny
What type of psychology degree are you pursuing, if you don’t mind me asking? Are you not interested in psychiatry? And what is the real difference. The only answer I ever receive is psychiatrist can write prescriptions. The reason I am asking is, this world is awfully low on great child psychiatrist. I often hear of really good psychologist, but often the mandate is for psychiatrist. ↑ |
| Name: rain | Date: Jul 21st, 2006 3:17 AM |
Rachel,
There is no spell. Only people who hate themselves, and enjoy hurting others. Do you have friends or family you can turn to? ↑ |
| Name: Deathbunny | Date: Jul 21st, 2006 4:56 AM |
I'm more interested in research and learning how people tick. It also seems to be my talent.
Psychiatrists are medical doctors with additional psychological training. As such, they can pretty much prescribe any legal medication. They are also better able to diagnose medical causes of psychological problems.
Psychologists are generally not allowed to prescribe medication although there have been programs in the military and in particular states to allow limited prescrbing. This is a big ugly furball between psychiatrists, MD's, and psychologists. ↑ |
| Name: Rachel | Date: Jul 21st, 2006 6:28 PM |
| Thank you both I know its up to me but I have another problem now my husband is going away to work for some months in another country.He wants me to stay at home with his mother and he is going to send for me.She has invited her spinster sister to stay with us I have met her before and she agrees with everything her sister says so no help of her.I want to keep my husband happy and stop till he sends for me but im worried that there will be two in control of me.Im not very big just 5 ft and slim they are both bigger than me what shoud I do.I used to have some friends but they dont come round any more because of my mother in law ↑ |
| Name: rain | Date: Jul 21st, 2006 6:36 PM |
| Rachel, I have a hard time believing this anymore. I am sorry. I think this is someone having fun with us. It the oddest chance and I do mean oddest chance, that you are real. Why do you ask what do I do? People only really ask that when they plan on taking good advice. You don’t. Why should anyone tell you what to do, when you don’t care what we say, you will stay, and have 5000 new stories about the (SPINSTER) aunt. Strange word for a twenty three year old. ↑ |
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