| Name: babygirl2006 | Date: Jul 15th, 2006 1:48 AM |
| to sue you have to get use to people like misty and the one that goes by the name hi there are alot of people that are rude and dont know what they are talking about just ignore then i think you are doing somting great. ↑ |
| Name: 2poms4us | Date: Jul 15th, 2006 4:05 AM |
Hey Sue and Lisa, We are trying to adopt and never really thought about surrogacy, I realize this is your first time Sue, but could either of you give me some info on how surrogacy works? Is it similar to adoption?
Best wishes to both of you,
Karen ↑ |
| Name: S.M.B. | Date: Jul 15th, 2006 4:28 PM |
| Hi Barbie, I'm not sure why you left that message here, you seem to be the computer police all over this site, but people can look out for themselves, thanks. I have a couple and I'm NOT seeking for any other couples, I stated this very clearly, I'm not her to mess with anyone or scam. Ask me, I'll answer. Take care. ↑ |
| Name: cbrat12000 | Date: Jul 15th, 2006 6:08 PM |
| Barbie i left you an email...please get back to me on the topic i wrote about....thanks i appreciate it much.... ↑ |
| Name: S.M.B. | Date: Jul 16th, 2006 2:54 AM |
| Hi Barbie, I thought you were refering to me, and wasn't sure why, but thanks for the response. I do see you along this site and always thought you were a sweet, genuine person, so thanks for clearing that up! :-) ↑ |
| Name: MamaLisa | Date: Jul 16th, 2006 2:09 PM |
| To 2poms4us - There are two kinds of surrogates- gestational surrogates (what I am) which is when another couple's embryo is placed into the surrogate's uterus, and her womb (hopefully!) babysits that embryo(s) for 9 mon....Gestational surrogates have no DNA in common w/the baby. The second kind are traditional surrogates who become pregnant thru artificial insemination, their own eggs are fertilized by the intended father's sprem so they them share DNA with the child they give birth to. Egg donors and or sperm donors can also be used in this process if intended mother or father need them...a donated egg in gs isn't from the surrogate. As for the legal matters, it sometimes depends on you state, but here (PA) if you are a gs, there is a pre-birth order signed so the intended parents (also called natural parents) can go straight onto the birth certificate( a court order is brought to the hospital)...not do an adoption. In traditional surrogacy you get a birth certificate first that does list the surrogate as mother and the intended mother goes on the birth certificate later after doing a step-parent adoption(baby still goes home w/intended parents)..hope that answers some questions. Feel free to ask any others:) ↑ |
| Name: S.M.B. | Date: Jul 16th, 2006 2:54 PM |
| I was interested in being a surrogate, but my husband and I are going to both be the birth parents of the child. I fell in love with a couple, and this is what we all decided. Tough decision. :-) ↑ |
| Name: Rhonda | Date: Jul 18th, 2006 3:41 AM |
Sue, I admire you for making this sacrafice. I see from some of your message that some people are so closed minded and ingnorant that they do not understand how it would feel to be childless with no hopes of being a parent and then someone like you bless their lives. You are doing a great thing. Don't listen to the negative comments.
Rhonda ↑ |
| Name: S.M.B. | Date: Jul 18th, 2006 9:18 PM |
| Thanks :-) I know that what I am doing is wonderful, I also know that a big chunck of my heart will be missing forever, but that goes along with my decision, and it's something I feel 100% about doing. I will keep you all posted. My doctor said it could take a week, month, couple months, a year to get pregnant, so I'm patiently waiting. :-) ↑ |
| Name: Bearbee | Date: Jul 20th, 2006 11:40 PM |
Sue,
Please ignore those negative comments. After seeing a Dateline Special on adoption and me myself being adopted I tearfully aked my husband if we could give a child to a couple. I know that I can not gve up my "own" child, but i have looked into being a gestational surrogate. I wish you all of the luck in the world with everything. :)
To those that assume that people who become surrogates are looking for something: I am looking for something. The happiness that I will see on the parents face. The joy when they see the pictures of their unborn child. The anticipation that the parents will feel picking out baby clothes and making that empty room in their home into a nursery. And, of course the relief that I will feel when ALL goes wel. And, a husband and wife go from being a husband and wife to a mommy and daddy. Not everything is selfish and thinks about money. ↑ |
| Name: Dreamsofchild | Date: Jul 20th, 2006 11:45 PM |
Sue, are you already a mom? If so may I ask how many children you and your spouse have been blessed with? Surrogacy is not the right answer for our family but it can be for many others. I wish you well on your journey.
Dreams ↑ |
| Name: lorilea | Date: Jul 21st, 2006 12:13 AM |
| Why is everybody being so negative to this woman. Maybe she just wants to do something nice for someone who can not have kids (like me) I think it is a very nice thing to do. Not everybody does things just for money!!!!!!! ↑ |
| Name: Melis | Date: Jul 21st, 2006 1:15 AM |
I think that it is a wonderful thing you are doing for the couple. My husband and I spoke with someone about being a surrogate for us and she wanted a flat fee of $18,000 plus any medical expense, maternity clothes, travel fees, insurance, babysitting, etc I can understand the medical part, but everything else plus the base fee is crazy. We very badly want to have children so we are now homestudy ready and hopefully will be able to adopt soon. (fingers crossed). I know that the right birthmother will come along and choose us, I just hope and pray that it will not take long.
But I do think that you are a Wonderful person to be doing what you are doing for a childless couple like myself and my husband! ↑ |
| Name: MamaLisa | Date: Jul 21st, 2006 5:22 PM |
| Amen to that Bearbee! Surrogates and birthmoms are good people for the most part...and Melis- what you needed at the time is called a compassionate surrogate, they only charge medical, travel expenses, etc....good luck with adopting though:) ↑ |
| Name: S.M.B. | Date: Jul 22nd, 2006 1:10 PM |
| To Dreams: I'm not sure what you mean by a surrogate isn't right for you guys, do you mean if it was your egg and sperm? I was interested in that, but we decided on concieving the child ourselves, then placing this blessing with the couple (adoptive parents) And your question(s) can usually be answered by reading this whole post, which can get boring after a while I guess. I have two children, daughters, they are my sunshine! And for the other comments about the money, thats horrible, $18,000 is nice, but it will fade, a child will keep that special glow forever. I'm not asking for money or putting a price on anything, if the couple insists, then I will accept a little money for maternity clothes and food. Well, next week is my menstrul cycle date, so hopefully it wont visit!!! ↑ |
| Name: nicole jones | Date: Jul 26th, 2006 2:07 AM |
| It was interesting to read this entire post. You are a great person Sue. I dealt with infertility, and right before becoming pregnant I had a very dear friend (whom I met on this site - but have been speaking with on the telephone often, and got very close with) offer to surrogate for me. I was amazed. I couldn't believe that someone could possibly offer such a thing. She was completely sincere and honest though, didn't want any money, just the money to fly to America to have the baby (she lives in Australia). I was so touched. Fortunatly I became pregnant that month, and so all is well, but the sentiment was so touching. You are doing a beautiful thing. ↑ |
| Name: aava | Date: Jul 26th, 2006 3:17 AM |
Hi Sue,
I'm glad you stuck around and up for yourself here!!! This is exactly why most dont. The bad posts above. Here is the funny part some of those negative posts in the beginning are the same ppl as the some of the ones posting later in RED.
I hope things are going well in your venture I think it's awsome what you are doing and to be honest I've thought about doing the same sense I've been learning more and more about the hardships of adopting!!
Good luck to you and ignore the yo yos (which you are doing fine at)
Many hugz
Des ↑ |
| Name: karin | Date: Jul 29th, 2006 12:51 AM |
Hi Sue
I think what you are wanting to do is wonderful.. I am a surrogate mother and currently pregnant. I am just carrying another couples baby. As a surrogate you get so involved and so overwhelmed with happiness that you can do something so wonderful for someone.. I think anyone who is negative towards you are the selfish ones.. I think what you want to do is the least selfish thing in this world.. People will say "how can you give up a baby you carried for nine months" well you know why you are doing this from the beginning so you know the baby isn't yours.. To share the happiness with the intended parents is wonderful.. To make someone else's dreams come true, well how many people can say they did that.. Plus all those ones who are negative, they are the selfish ones.. They cannot put someones wishes ahead of themselves.. I think that is VERY SELFISH. For the money, it is weird to think you will get paid and at one point to help cover the costs of the IVF cycle's I was going to relinquish the money back to the couple. But our second time was a charm.. DO NOT feel bad about accepting money, it's not like you are getting paid millions.. It's really not that much in the scheme of things, and that is okay.. When you figure all you have to go through and trust me you go through a lot and think of it as child support, or you are being paid to watch or take care of another child. Cause if you had a daycare you wouldn't do it for free. The intended couple, they do not mind one bit that they pay you for this.. They are happy to somehow help you in return as you have helped them.. So if you decide to do it, that is great... If you want some information on how I contacted agencies email me.. [email protected] ↑ |
| Name: S.M.B. | Date: Jul 31st, 2006 1:50 AM |
| Thanks for the compassion and understanding. I don't visit the site too much lately, I have been enjoying the summer with my family, enjoying walks, swimming, playing in the yard with our dogs. No cycle yet!! I will give it a few more days then take a test.. I will update my posts here :-) ↑ |
| Name: S.M.B. | Date: Aug 3rd, 2006 11:39 PM |
| Name: ajrl223 | Date: Aug 4th, 2006 1:40 AM |
Congrats Sue. I hope everything works out for you.
AJ ↑ |
| Name: Melis | Date: Aug 4th, 2006 3:01 AM |
| Congrats!!! And best wishes for all of you:) ↑ |
| Name: S.M.B. | Date: Aug 7th, 2006 3:00 AM |
| I am still amazed at how quick this is happening!! It's funny how we plan on having another baby in 3-5 years from now, but here I am pregnant and we don't have to plan for this precious baby, we just have to make sure of a healthy pregnancy. I am so happy, excited, scared, in awe, touched, etc. I'm filled with emotions and my dream is to hear "it's a boy" -or- "it's a girl" and watch this beautiful couple hold their baby for the first time, that is priceless. I know that not many people can relate to this, but I just can't explain the joy that this couple has already showed me, they are truely blessed and they are already good parents in my eyes. Congratulations to my couple! ↑ |
| Name: tamara anderson | Date: Aug 7th, 2006 5:46 PM |
PLease feel free to email me at [email protected] I have worked with a surrogate before in a traditional surrogacy. She lost the baby at 2 1/2 months But I would be glad to let you know what we know.
Tamara ↑ |
| Name: S.M.B. | Date: Aug 7th, 2006 9:22 PM |
| Name: Stardreams | Date: Aug 12th, 2006 6:13 AM |
Hi Sue, I'd be thrilled to continue reading about your journey. I had a surrogate daughter (TS) almost four years ago. Her parents, I, and my children continue to have a wonderful relationship. I am about to be a TS for a close friend of mine. It certainly is emotional, no doubt. You realize a whole new debthness of love you never imagined having before. It's very different then the love you feel for your own children, while being just as intense. I learned a tramendous amount throughout my journey, if you'd be interested in talking.
Many people most certainly have a negative opinion, but in my experience it's coming from unsureness, lack of understanding, confusion and fear. I love talking with those who ask questions with an open mind. One of the hardest responses I faced from someone I knew, was "How could you do such a horrible thing!! Who talked you into this??" as I held this most gorgeous child that I brought into this world and into her parents lives. Horrible thing? No. Talked me into this?? Something I knew I would one day do, since I was a young child. But be ready for comments like that.
And what is right for some, is not right for others. Everyone is also welcome to their opinions.
When matched with the right couple, surrogacy can be absolutely incredible. Emotions are catered to on both ends, and understanding is prevelent. When the wrong match occurs, for a number of reasons, even the tiniest of them, a surrogate can be left with very hurt feelings, as well as the parents.
There are many legalities that need to be followed. I strongly believe that surrogates are definitely deserving of compensation, although the ability of even this will depend on the state you live in. We don't expect people to build our houses, cook our food, babysit our children, because they are "able" to, even if they love their job. It's hard work, and when being a surrogate your not able to take a break or feel normal until a few months following the birth, atleast. Hovering over the toilet, is not fun. Crawling on my hands and knees to the toilet in the morning because the shooting pain is too tramendous to walk, is not fun. Ending up in tears because I can't turn over in bed without pain, is not fun. But it's worth absolutely everything and worth granting such a dream.
$18,000 is a very fair compensation amount for a first time surrogate. This is what I received. I am receiving less this time, and have chosen to include all of the possible extras such as lost wages, clothing, monthly allowance (gas for apts, vitamins, extra food, etc), house help, childcare (apts, birth, recovery), and anything additional, within my fee.
Money disappears very quickly, memories last a lifetime and for generations. My first surrogacy experience changed even my childrens lives, leaving lessons they've learned being shared with others. A rippling effect occurs, its incredible. I have no doubt my second journey will be filled with many lessons, great and challenging. It's part of life.
Good luck with your journey :) ↑ |
| Name: kaitlynn1835 | Date: Aug 12th, 2006 6:38 AM |
You know, I would just like to address the person who suggested people like Sue are simply after money. There are some surrogate mothers who choose not to ask anything monetary wise from the couple that they work with, although they are rare. I think it takes a special kind of person to know that their job is to bring a life into this world for someone who can't. I know a woman who is a surrogate mother, and she could not have been happier. It wasn't about the money for her, and if she were to work with the couple again, she has expressed that she does not wish to charge them anything, that is how much she loves this couple. I think for the vast majority of women who choose to become a surrogate, the process has much more to do with the emotional than physical.
You cant go through surrogacy, if it wasn't for the love of the outcome first. A passion within the heart. Most surrogates will say, it's not about the money, at it really isn't. Quite a few surrogates will go through one surrogacy and not charge the second time around (except all the extra items covered) because the parents are so much like family to them. ↑ |
| Name: babygirl456 | Date: Aug 12th, 2006 8:26 AM |
| I think that your are going to make a couple very happy Sue you sound like a nice person .I dont know why people in this world are so negitive like they cant beliieve that there are good human beings left .I think that a lot of you came on way to strong but what can I say people get mad at things they just dont understand.Good luck ↑ |
| Name: Happy Couple | Date: Aug 14th, 2006 11:35 PM |
| We are the couple Sue and her husband are blessing with this little angel. We are so greatful to them and can't wait to meet Sue and her family. We have been trying to have a baby for almost 10 years now. The drs told me I have PSOC and put me on meds. They never worked. I cannot wait to be a mom. We are both so excited for late March to come and FINALLY become parents! Thanks to you all who have helped Sue along this journey and please don't be critical unless you walked to her and ours shoes. ↑ |
| Name: Flowergirl | Date: Aug 15th, 2006 1:23 AM |
Congratulations and the best of wishes to "Happy Couple" and Sue and her family!!!
We are so happy for you all and can't wait to hear all about the precious new baby!
And don't worry about the negativity.... it is everywhere and unless 'the shoe fits, don't wear it!'
Best of everything!!! ↑ |
| Name: seal | Date: Aug 15th, 2006 3:00 AM |
Sue,
All I can say is that you are an angel. I am so happy for your couple. I pray someday that we meet someone as special as you. I so look forward to following you through your journey. Might I suggest that you start a blog, that way no negative comments come your way. It infurriates me to read how rude some people are. If you do start a bog, I'd love to know about it. [email protected]
Many blessings to you and your family,
Seal ↑ |
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