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Name: overwhelmed
[ Original Post ]
My husband tells me today that he made an appt. to get a vasectomy because he doesn't want anymore children. We have two wonderful sons that we both adore more then life itself but I have always dreamed of having a daughter since I was a little girl. I wanted to keep trying for her. I have a great relationship with my Mom she is my best friend and I wanted to have that relationship with a daugther of my own one day. Am I being selfish for getting angry at him for not wanting to try for a daugther? please help, I'm so confused!!
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Name: pj754 | Date: Aug 10th, 2006 10:18 AM
I think your husband should have consulted with you before he made his appointment. No, I don't feel you are being selfish for wanting a daughter and being angry with your husband. This was a decision the both of you should have agreed on together. However, what if you were to get pregnant again and it happens to be another boy. Would you be prepared for that? Having a relationship with a daughter of your own is very special, I don't blame you for wanting that kind of bond. I'm sure you view your boys as wonderful blessings. Keep in mind, perhaps one day, you could have a relationship with one of your son's girlfriends/wives. You can bond and spoil them like you would with a daughter of your own. Sometimes, we are dealt with things in life that doesn't go they way we would like. Perhaps God had a plan for you with your son's instead of a daughter. Perhaps you will be the best thing that has ever happened to one of your son's girlfriend/wife. Personally, I'm an only child, who always wanted a family to love me dearly. My mother wasn't a very good mom and isn't apart of my life. She has made a lot of wrong decisions that I didn't want to be apart of . However, my fiance's family including his mother has been the best thing I could have ever ask for. She is a wonderful person. She has step in and treated me like her own child from the beginning. Perhaps you will be able to fill the void of someone, who has gone through the same things I have. Don't give up and look positive at what you have. Sometimes things just aren't meant to be. I'm sorry if my thoughts haven't helped you in a time of need but I do feel your pain and understand. 

Name: Stardreams | Date: Aug 13th, 2006 1:20 AM
I felt the same way. I had a 2yo son by my side when I met my husband. We married, and our daughter was born. When she was 4yo, husband wanted a vasectomy while I very much wanted a third child. He decided to go ahead and say yes, and she quickly was on her way. I love that little girl to the end of the earth and back, she's everything to me and I couldn't imagine her not in my life. I have three perfect children. He sees our last daughter as a child who shouldn't be here, he didn't want her, and I forced her conception :( We have been seperated for over a year and we'll be getting divorced. I do hope in time his feelings towards her change, he's missing out on so many special moments :(

So, it really can go both ways. He can agree to another child he may not really want, or you can agree to a vasectomy and always wonder who that other child would have been. Who is right? Which way should it go? 

Name: overwhelmed | Date: Aug 13th, 2006 7:23 AM
Thank you both for your advice. Both of you have giving me alot to think about. My hubby went to his appt. and they explained everything to him and told him I would have to sign a paprt to allow him to have the V. So now I feel responsible for his future . If I don't sign the paper and we have a third child will he resent me.? If I do sign the paper will I resnt him? I don't want to make the wrong decision for both of us. pj754 , I have thought about being able to have a special bond with my sons future wives but i'm scared of being alone when they get married. I have two older brothers and one is married and very rarely has contact with my Mom since his marriage. The other is a truck driver and says he's never going to marry. So if my Mom didn't have me she wouldn't have anyone to bond with. Her quote is " A son is a son until he marries but a daughter is a daughter forever" I have specail bonds with my sons already, especailly my oldest, since we are so much alike. I'm just scared of losing that when they go off to college and get married. Stardreams, if we have a third child, I don't THINK my husband would see him/her as a child that shouldn't be.. He holds his children very dear to him, he's a great father. I just think all his anger would be directed towards me and then that would lead to a divorce down the road and then the children would suffer and I don't want that either......aaaaarrrgghhh... i feel so selfish. I could ruin my husands life and my kids just because i want another child. :-( I don't know what to do. 

Name: pj754 | Date: Aug 13th, 2006 11:57 AM
TO Overwhelmed---I' m sorry to hear you have a major decision on your mind. It's a tough call to make. Yet, you have to look at your future. Is your marriage as important as having another child? You've mention that you an excellent relationship with your son. That's good, keep that bond going as much as you can. It sounds to me that he will always include you in his life including his wife. I've heard your mom's quote before and it's true. I never had that kind of bond with my mom. She just had too many selfish reasons for not including me. Plus, she has a gambling addition and is a constant liar which is something I never wanted to be a part of. Yet, I was to blame for all her problems in her life. Sometimes, the bonds we may desire are just not ment to be. Your son is a completely different person than your brothers. You have taught him good responsible qualities and that is something to be very proud of. As he gets older, he will look to you for sound advice and decisions he needs to make. Always remember, he will always love you no matter what. 

Name: Katie | Date: Aug 31st, 2006 8:42 PM
My husband and I lost our baby about 31/2 months ago.
I was 6 months pregnant and now he scared to have another one. 

Name: Shannon | Date: Sep 7th, 2006 12:40 PM
I have the same problem. My husband and I have been married for ten years this month and we have a wonderful 8 year old son. I knew from the first moment I held my son that I wanted more children. For seven years my husband and given me false hope that we would have more kids. He would always say, "Now isn't a good time" or " we can't afford it right now" or "we will talk about it later". I finally told him that I had enough and I wanted to have another baby and he told me that he didn't not want more kids and he never did. He was happy with our son and that was enough for him. That was a year ago and I thought that I would get over the hurt and the rejection he made me feel. I haven't and I don't think I ever will. Last week I thought I was pregnant and that day was the happiest I have been for years. It turned out that I was just late and that I was not pregnant. I feel so much resentment towards my husband and I don't know how to handle it. He doesn't want to talk about it any more, he made is desicion and if I bring it up he gets mad. I love my husband very much but lately I almost hate him for the way he has made me feel. He says that I don't have a good reason for wanting another baby and that I am being selfish. I don't want to make him have a baby he doesn't want because that wouldn't be fair to the baby. I cry every day and the hurt is killing me. I don't know what to do. 


Name: amanda | Date: Sep 10th, 2006 10:03 PM
No, i really do not think that you are!! I am in the same situation. I have been with a man for 9 years and we have 3 boys. I really wanted to have a 4th child but i had the desicion forced on me!! I asked him only one more time before he went for his appointment and you know what he said the me?? " I dont give a F*** i dont want anymore brats running around the house. So F*** off" My heart sank. I REALLY want another child. I have always wanted to have 4 since i was a child. So to be told that i was so hurt. And now its been 2 years since the operation and i have been told by my doc that i have cysts on my overies that could brust at anytime now. Its so painfull!! But He told me that , if they do, i cant have kids at all. Thats really scaring me!! He did tell me that he would get it reversed, but i cant afford that. I live in canada and the vasectomy was free, well, the consultation was $60. But the reversal is $3500 and I have to save up for it. Thats not fair, why do i have to pay for it, I begged him not to and he threw my feelings right out the window. So now, i have a choice, I can leave him, were not married, we have been together for 9 years, and find another man that could be more caring towards me. Or wait and see what happens with my condition?? I really hope that you find what you are looking for. I feel that if i really want another baby that bad, that i will leave my BF of 9 years just to persue that. Well, i will find a better relationship that is. If anyone has any ideas for me, they would so help, Thanks for reading!! 

Name: WANTING MY OWN | Date: Sep 20th, 2006 1:54 AM
mY HUSBAND AND I HAVE TWO BEAUTIFUL SONS TOGETHER. aND HE HAS A DAUGHTER THAT LIVES WITH US. SHE IS 7 YEARS OLD. BEFORE I GAVE BIRTH TO MY SECOND SON ME AND MY HUSBAND WANTED A GIRL. HE WAS KIND OF DISAPPOINTED TO FIND OUT IT WAS A BOY, BUT KNOW THAT HE IS HERE 2MO OLD MY HUSBAND LOVES HIS DIRTY DIAPER. EVEN THOUGH I HAVE MY STEP DAUGHTER I FEEL IT IS NOT THE SAME AS HAVING A DAUGHTER OF MY OWN. MY HUSBAND JUST RESENTLY TOLD ME THAT HE DOESN'T KNOW IF HE WANTS ANYMORE. HE KNOW HOW I FEEL. THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO PASS DOWN TO HER. MY HUSBAND SAID TO PASS IT DOWN TO HIS DAUGHTER. I LOVE HIS DAUGHTER VERY MUCH BUT SHE WOULD NOT APPRECIATE IT. I GAVE HER A DOLL THAT I HAD SINCE I WAS 4YRS OLD. SHE LOST THE DOLL THE SAME DAY I GAVE IT TO HER. IT MAD ME SO MAD. I WANT A LITTLE GIRL THAT IS APART OF ME. MY HUSBAND ONCE SAID WE SHOULD ADOPTED A LITTLE GIRL BUT LIKE I SAID I WANT ONE OF MY OWN. I DON'T KNOW I FEEL LIKE WHEN A MAN GETS HIS BOYS HE IS HAPPY AND SATISFIED. DO THEY EVER THINK ABOUT IF THE TABLES WERE TURN AND WE HAD TWO GIRLS. I WOULD BE HAPPY TO GIVE MY HUSBAND A SON OF HIS OWN. I WOULD KNOW HOW IS FEELS. IT IS LIKE HE IS NOT COMPLETE WITH OUT A SON. LIKE HE DID DO THE JOB RIGHT. LIKE HE DIDN'T HAVE AN HEIR TO HIS THROWN. SOME ONE TO PASS ON THE KNOWLEDGE. bECAUSE THAT IS JUST HOW I FEEL. 

Name: Jennifer | Date: Sep 22nd, 2006 4:27 PM
I can understand the difficult of all of these situations. I have been married for one year, have a step daughter. She is very high need and can be a difficult child to get close to. No matter what I say or do, this is not my child. I want a child desperately but my husbands on the fence. From the begining, I told him I wanted a child and I would not get married unless that was a possibility. He is now saying he is not enthused about the idea, likes his freedom, etc. He had a vasectomy before I met him, he is hesitant about the reversal and the invetroprocess is way to much to put my body through. So, I would have the process if this was my last option. But overall, I don't want to bring a child in to the world that is not going to be wanted or fully loved by both parents......But I will regret it in life if I do not have a child. I will regret it more if I don't have a child than if I stay. I love my husband dearly but I can't force him to want what I want and if we are not compatible on such a major issue, I know my answer. The baby is more important. Life works in such amazing ways that I am sure I will meet someone who shares the enthusiasm of being parents as much as I. If I don't then I will do it on my own. Bottom line : Do what make you happy, don't live with regret; and you can't force someone to do something they don't want to do. Life is way to precious to supress your needs. 

Name: YAPPER | Date: Oct 11th, 2006 7:07 PM
You must be very young and him a bit older and little naive. I felt like you over 8 years ago, we have now been married 3 years nearly, having split up for a while and got back together prior to marriage. I have seemingly thought I could live without a child, although a year ago last New Year my husband promised me to try for a reversal. I made necessary appts with the docs, but nothing further from that materialised. Everything comes down to money for him and is making my life more and more unhappy. He does nothing around the house even though I am a full-time finance and payroll manager. My friends and family and all having children and the more they have make more even more desperate and more unhappy at the thought of not having a child. I truly thought I loved my husband enough to fulfil my heart, I hate saying this but he doesn't. So I spend a little from time to time on clothes, etc etc etc and going out, but I stay in night in and night out with my husband and if I have a baby I am sure this would change my whole outlook on life. I know I would be a good mum, need to be a mum, but this realisation I think has always been there, but it has hit me hard recently. I am beginning to resent my husband for the promises he has made and not kept and for the constant arguing about money, I have 200 to spend on myself a month (an allowance agreed by us both) even though I earn in excess of 1700 a month - he gets the rest !!!!!! I have supported him through very dry periods of work as he is self-employed and thought this was what love and marriage was about, give and take but it seems to be all one sided and he constantly puts me down if I help a friend out. I am off for a long weekend with the girls. Something I have done for many years, but not since we wed, and we have just had another argument over catalogue shopping, is it excessive to spend 280 on the catalogue and pay off over the next 5 months if I have been given an allowance of 200 a month to spend surely I should be allowed to spend this how I like. He just seems to want full control, and I am being to resent, and I hate to say even detest him. Our sex life is suffering and I truly believe this is a knock on effect to him not wanting a child and for me wanting one. I feel he is trying to make me feel completely dependent on him (even worthless) and then maybe I would give up this idea. Not going to happen and I must say at this moment in time I believe to have a child in my life is more important to me than my marriage. If he truly loved me he would accept me for me and my needs, I have more than catered to his. 

Name: YAPPER | Date: Oct 11th, 2006 7:12 PM
Sorry, Jennifer, completely did not read your message correctly and after re-reading realised that you and I are in agreeance. So that's that then ..... 

Name: fancy | Date: Oct 11th, 2006 10:32 PM
hi overwhelemed I am also in that stage with my hubby he dont wont any more which he only has one of his own and my two from my ex and they are all boys and he says he dont wont more so if you find out what works please let me know 

Name: Orwell | Date: Oct 31st, 2006 7:31 AM
Here is one Husband's perspective: My wife and I have two beautiful girls. I am ready to call it quits. We are having difficulties in our marriage after being together for 14 years (we've had ups and downs like this in the past - we're growing in different directions and trying to figure out how to allow each other to grow. We're in business together and have always done everything together, but now realize that we need to give each other space.) PROBLEM: My wife and I had unprotected sex (first time in months!) and got pregnant. I am strongly against having the baby, she wants a baby (hoping for a son) and believes that all will be well. I have told her that the strain from this child could destroy our family & marriage & sanity but she says she is willing to take the risk. I feel zero excitement, but a lot of resentment. I feel this child will always bear the stigma of being unwanted by its father (you may say, "that's your problem that you can fix" and while that is true to a point, I am stretched to the limit of my energy & finances. You can't squeeze blood out a stone.) I have never met a man who says "I'm dying to have more kids" and yet almost every woman I know want more children... whether she has one or six kids. It seems like it's never enough! I am strongly against men being allowed to PREVENT their wives/girlfriends/daughters from having abortions, but don't I have a say in the matter if I want my wife to have a medical abortion? You can say that I made the choice already by having unprotected sex, but there are options in our society. It makes me sad that I can't share in her enthusiasm. It makes me feel more separate from her. I make me hopeless about our chances of our marriage coming through this intact. I refuse to separate from her - our girls need a mom and a dad - I will sacrifice my happiness for them. 

Name: Orwell | Date: Oct 31st, 2006 7:47 AM
I just wanted to add: I am super involved in both my daughter's lives. I'm the one who gets up with them every morning at six, makes their breakfasts, drives them to school, etc. My wife still has insomnia and hip/back problems from the second child (who is 2 1/2). Every pregnancy has been hard and the recovery for my wife afterwards has been grueling. Our second daughter only slept in 1-2 hour bursts from the time she was 4 months to 2 years old. We were emotionally and physically exhausted every single day. I went into a deep depression after my second daughter was born. My wife still resents me for that (even though I got up every day and took care of the kids, did my work, worked on the house, volunteered at church, etc.) She had to live under a dark cloud of my depression. But part of the depression was triggered by the fact that RIGHT after the birth of our second child, she immediately started talking about having a third one! (One way or the other, I am getting a vasectomy.) I feel trapped in an endless cycle of work & childcare. Plus, she is talking about wanting to move cities again, how unhappy she is, etc. I don't respect men who deny their wives the chance to have one child to love... but women: We aren't all callous, selfish louts. I was scared of having the first child (and the second one.) We've sorta maybe overcome some hurdles, but at some point, aren't my fears justified? 

Name: Pattyjb | Date: Nov 4th, 2006 7:22 PM
What works? I left my exe, part was because he refused to have a third. I was made/forced to get a tubal, oh no, he wouldn't get a vascetomy. I am sorry for the pain you hve endured and will continue to endure. I've always wanted another girl... had a girl then a boy, wanted another girl. Now in a second marriage, we have been trying to adopt since 1999. When I stated I wanted to adopt a girl, I got the third degree, why a girl???

I personally do not think you are one bit selfish, wonder how hubby would like it if you had all girls now and no boy yet you wanted a tubal????????????????

Also keep in mind, just cause you had that great relationship with mom, does not necessarily mean you could duplicate it for yourself, but again, I do not think you are being selfish. 

Name: stacylynn | Date: Jan 11th, 2007 3:16 PM
My husband doesn't want anymore kids and I think I want one more. He has two from a previous marriage and I have one from a previous marriage and we have a 15 month old together. We have a wonderful relationship he just says no way to more kids. I know that we have alot all together but his kids live in a different state and only come down once a month. My llittle girl lives with us but she goes to her dads every other weekend and she is 6. She had no one to play growing up I just want my son to have someone. Am I beeing selfish? Should I just call it quits? I just want a another little girl. I don't feel like our new family should be limited b/c of his desions before. 

Name: Sam24 | Date: Jun 9th, 2007 9:18 PM
I wish people would start being thankful for what they do have. You kind of people that wish for a specific gender annoy me. I have 2 boys and b/c of you guys' old wives tales....I have to constantly be made to feel bad b/c I am grateful for the 2 sons that I have. I have heard so many things, like "daughters are forever" and blah blah blah. Well, I agree with pj, daughters may not be forever, just like sons may not be forever. We are dealing with an individual (everyone is not the same) and a new generation that doesn't have as much respect for their parents as they used to. I am constantly ridiculed by my family and my husband's b/c we would like to stop at just 2. And everyone is making us feel bad that we don't want to "try for a girl". What if it is another boy? Then, what are you going to try again until you have 100? Or are you going to resent the 3rd child b/c in your little perfect world, he was supposed to be a girl? I think parents have too many hang-ups on the stereotypes and don't spend enough time just being parents. Like, my Billy has to play soccer...or I have to have 1 boy and 1 girl with a dog named Rover. Who comes up with this stuff and where do we live in communist China where they used to get rid of the girls b/c they did not carry on the last name and were basically "worthless" to them?

I am the only woman in my household but I love my sons and my husband to death. It would have been nice to have the white picket fence and get one of each. But, I know that I don't want to raise more than 2 children. Emotionally, financially and physically....I would like to focus on being the best mom that I can be to my sons that God has already given me and thank Him for that much. Some people can't even have children and you would throw your marriage away b/c you can't have a 3rd and a 4th? How strong was your marriage to begin with? You have already been blessed with children and soooorrryyy that it wasn't a girl. The 3rd one may not be either, then what? So, now your husband is gone AND you are "stuck" with your 3 sons that will leave you when they get older...smh. It's ridiculous. Boys leave home and never come back b/c their mothers don't put forth the effort.

My husband's mom is always calling to check on me and the babies AND my husband (who just happens to be a boy and her son). And my husband will lose it if he doesn't see his family as much as possible and he is in the Army! He always go home every chance that he gets. Now, that's funny, that's doesn't sound like the son that some of you have described...who leaves and never comes back home.

My brother is in the Army too and even before he went in and now that he is in....he remains close to all of us and we all love each other to death. It's my sister, me and my little brother.

Me, on the other hand, I hardly ever call my mom. She got on my nerves with an incident where she didn't look out for me and now we don't talk much. When we do, I have to force it b/c she calls me. And I am her "precious" daughter. You don't know how things are going to work out. Piss off your kids and they won't come back home.

Get over the stigma, guys and be happy with the children that you have been lucky enough to have. 

Name: Sam24 | Date: Jun 9th, 2007 9:26 PM
Also, all these people that are putting these thoughts in your head aren't going to raise all these kids that you are having just to get that one specific gender that everyone seems to be requesting. Remember that while you are having all of these children. It is selfish to have children just to fit your needs. Think about can you afford it financially or are you going to have the patience and time to give to each and every one of them equally? Are you going to show favoritism b/c you have 1 girl b/c that is probably why the boys will leave and not come back.

Please focus on the kids that you have now and your husband does need to respect your needs. But, you need to respect his. If you guys can't get it together, seek counseling. You may see that you are being ridiculous. Or if you still want to try for a girl, that is not guaranteed....then get a divorce. Trying for another child is more mature. Trying for a specific gender is childish. You should love all of your children the same, regardless, of gender. You are simply setting yourself up for failure with your sons, if you do have that girl. Children know when there is a favorite. They have that radar built in like a laser on a rifle. And, again, showing favoritism to your precious daughter, like my mom did to my brother....will drive your other children away.

Good luck in your future and despite the harsh words of wisdom...I hope everything works out for the best for you, Overwhelmed. 

Name: sophie | Date: Jul 3rd, 2007 3:33 AM
dont worry you dont have a daughter i bet eventually you will like your sons just as much and i meen u cant force him if he really doesnt want 2 cause there is a 50% chance the babies a boy and i meen if u want another try again u will eventually have 10000000000000000 children so i would just leave it as it is just cause u want a daughter doesnt meen ull get 1 next time 

Name: sophie | Date: Jul 3rd, 2007 3:34 AM
i have a mom that i pretty much hate so it could go either way i reckon my whole family likes boys more so it would be safe just to keep with ur sons 

Name: Karen | Date: Jul 5th, 2007 10:31 PM
To Shannon,
I don't know if you still check this site but I was wondering how you are doing now with the anger towards your husband for not wanting another child. Reading your post is like reading a carbon copy of my situation. I have been with my husband for 15 years and really long for a third child but like you, every time I bring it up, he get's so angry with me. I too feel rejected and my heart feels crushed. I cry almost every day also because I know that I'm getting older and don't have much time left to be able to have any more children. He also tells me I'm just being selfish but I love him so much and yet it is so sad to be around him because it reminds me of how much I love him and want the chance to share with him the joy of bringing another miracle into this world. How are you handling it because I don't know how to get over this crushing feeling in my heart. 

Name: Tabetha | Date: Jul 22nd, 2007 8:59 PM
I am not really replying just saying how horrible i feel .... My husband of nearly 5 years finally spit it out that he doesnt want any more children . I have taken care of his son from a previous gf for the last 7 years ... i want a child thats mine and his ... not his ex and his .... not that i don't love his son with all my heart ... but i have dreamed of having a kid of "my own" since i was a little girl and he doesn't want anymore children and its breaking my heart .... i love him and i want a child that is "ours". He has been leading me on these last 5 years with false hope of "we don't have the money right now" we will talk about it later and so on and so on .... finally he just spit it out ... and flat told me .... i don't want anymore kids, y do u want one so bad? .... i hated him at that moment ! i love him with all my heart but i am almost at the point where i just want to walk out ... i am crying so hard .... my heart is broken ... i wonder y i am not good enough to have a child with .... but his ex was ... and yes i know it was not accidental .... he intentionaly got her prego ... he has told me the whole story several times .... and now i just want to know whats wrong with me .... y i am not good enough .... i don't care if its a boy or girl or whatever it is ... i just want a child that i helped create and deliver in to this world ... is that so wrong ... so selfish of me ? .... GGGRRRR i just want to walk out and never look back ...but i know i will never love another man like i love him .... and someone elses child just wouln't be "ours" .... am i making any sense ? 

Name: patty | Date: Jul 25th, 2007 8:38 AM
You can keep on trying for a girl, but that does not mean that you are going to get one. If he doesn't want anymore kds he has the right to stop it. 

Name: Crsyatl | Date: Aug 9th, 2007 10:14 AM
I am going through the same things as almost all of you. I am 26 ans I have 3 children (all girls ) I have a 7 year old from my first marriage and a 4yo and a 3 yo. and I would like to have one more. But my husband doesn't want any more at all. After our third was born he made an appointment for a vasectomy. When I opened the letter from the doctor thinking it was a bill and found out it was a conformation for an appointment to talk to the doctor about the vas. I cried for days. He didn't end up doing it bbut he still doesn't want any more. I have an IUD put in in Jan. just so he would have sex with me and not worry. I told him a few days ago that I would like to get the IUD removed because of the spontanious bleeding (I don't like the surprise) He told me he would go get the vasectomy then. Now I've been crying again over the thought of never having another child. It's driving me crazy. So I understand what you are all going through and I wish you all the best of luck in your situations....................... 

Name: Joshua | Date: Aug 13th, 2007 2:03 PM
Yes you are being selfish. You have two healthy children already. Enough is enough. You husband is the only one with any sense in that household it seems........... 

Name: jamie | Date: Aug 13th, 2007 9:38 PM
hey i want kids now 

Name: Farrah | Date: Aug 23rd, 2007 11:37 AM
My husband is a wonderful man and I can never dream of having children with anyone but him. We have 2 beautiful children a 5yo boy and a 31/2 almost yo girl. I have always dreamed of having at least 3 to 4 children. My husband and I compromised on 3 because he comes from a small family while I have 3 younger sisters. When my daughter was 3 mo old he told me that he was getting a vascetomy and I was okay with it because I had a 3mo and a 19mo. I was frazzled and he told me that we could adopt, if I decided. For the last two years I have felt the need to have more children. I am a stay at home mom. I don't work and I don't want to work. I get great joy from taking care of my family. Now he tells me that while he has thought about getting his vascetomy reversed he has decided that he is happy with our two and that he does not want to adopt any children at all. I love my husband and I respect his right to choose not to have anymore children but I am angry that he has now forced me to live the rest of my life without anymore children (if I choose to stay with him and I do). I am trying to be more understanding but everytime that I see a woman with a baby, I want to cry. I love my children and I have soo much more love to give. I just don't know what to do! Thank you for letting me vent........ Oh and to JOSHUA, she is not being selfish.....everyone is allowed to have their own feelings when it comes to children and having more or not having more. 

Name: Farrah | Date: Aug 24th, 2007 1:11 AM
Also, I just wanted to all the women and men who are thinking about leaving their mate because they don't want more kids....think long and to see if your desire to have kids is more important than the relationship you have with that special person. I am not going to leave my husband, I love him toooo much. Our children and our marriage mean more to me than having more kids. I love him. Don't force the subject down their throats...when they say it not happening and you know that they mean it, let it go and be happy where you are. Sometimes you have to compromise and sometimes there just is no compromise to be made. Good luck to you all. 

Name: TARA | Date: Sep 24th, 2007 10:53 PM
What is with these guys, my husband does not want any more kids and I sooooo much do. Our first child was bprn premature and weghed 1 pound 13 ounces, our second child was stillborn at 26 weeks, something we knew would happen from 12 weeks into the pregancy. Our third child is 2 and 1/2. Both our children are healty and happy. We can more than afford another child. I think his mother has a lot to do with his decision, she is very controlling and whenever I say I want another baby she has something to say about it, like I dont think so or how hard everything has been on John, Then she will tell my sister in law who has 4 kids they cant afford, that she wishes she would have anothe baby, it is always right in front of me usually coming directly after her negative comments about me. Any how my husband works 7 days a week 362 days a year, I am the one home with our kids, I think I do a good job but sometimes it does get stressful, myhusband and I NEVER go out together, it has been this way for the 20 years we have been together. I do love him with all my heart but I resent him and I am sewriuosly considering a divorce, I do not want to try marriage counseling, believe me it will not work. I worry about my children being torn, they really love their dad. My husband comes from a divorced family, he was not allowed to talk to his dad (because his mother said so) he is not allowed to talk to brother (because his mother said so) he is not allowed to talk tohis sister (because his mother said so) He is 37 years old. His mom even got rid of the lawn cutter because he talked to her neighors whom she despises. I had to get in my stabs about his mom. I think we as women and moms have the right ot have more children as long as it is within reason, my husbands excuse of he is too scared is not getting it with me. I am scared too but since we lost our daughter we have another pregnancy and daughter. Nothing is a gusrantee and pregnancy is not someting you can totally control you do what you can and some things you cannot be in control of. I am so serious about a divorce, I cannot keep being consumed by wanting another baby, I will get another baby with or without my husband. I cannot get over it, it just has to happen. I am just scared to be on my own, I have never been. I will get one of or homes, theu are both paid for, he is self employed and therefore controls how much he says he makes, I do not know how much money he makes, None of my business, but he has bank accounts with his mom, I never knew about and I am 100% SURE she know how much her son makes. Things have always benn this way, it has ALWAYS been his decisions, NEVER mine NEVER. My best friend knew him before I did and she cannot believe hoow I am treated, mentally. He has never hit me although he says it would make him feel better if he did. I will post what I decide and when I do it, because believe me this is one thing I WILL NEVER back down from! This time it my decision one way or the other! Just because men have the sperm and we cannot turn their sperm faucets on and off does not mean that they have all the say in this! No woman is selfish for wanting children! 

Name: tara | Date: Oct 7th, 2007 11:24 PM
Joshua, I love that someone replied to you, looks like they have just done it, I do not think I could have said it better myself. Families are not always what one or the other wants or needs. Sometimes they just happen. Wanting or needing another child is not a crime. I think men and women are different in their feeling for children, women nuture and carry a child and I am so thankful to have been born a female because the feeling of life inside you, there are no words. The feeling of raising your children to be good, honest, loving hard working people, again, no words. I do not think people on here want to be judged or sworn at, I think women are looking for support, one way or the other, they do not come on here and pour their hearts to strangers (because it is easier that way) because they want someone to reply with arrogance. About sperm donors, for some that is the only way, so bravo to these men willing to donate their genes. Same goes for egg donors! FYI no misery here! 

Name: autumn_leaves | Date: Oct 11th, 2007 12:00 PM
This is something you both need to discuss together. Having a 3rd child will be more expensive and that gives you less money for the 2 boys u do have. U have to keep in mind that you may not have a daughter. I wanted one too, but I got two boys like you. I know you love them, and we all dream of a daughter, sometimes it just doesnt' happen. 

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