| Name: Kristy84 | Date: Apr 24th, 2007 8:16 PM |
| you guys are totally making me feel better...I mean jessie is right in a way b/c I havent wanted to have sex w/ hiim and that's when he lies to me about it. He's a 23 year old male and i should be glad that he's such a devoted father... ↑ |
| Name: breemichelle | Date: Apr 24th, 2007 8:38 PM |
| Opps, I forgot about the whole lying part. My husband sometimes lies about it, even if he knows I know he's lying, I think it's because he's more embarassed than anything. Just like I know he knows I poop and fart, but I still get embarassed about it. ↑ |
| Name: missmara | Date: Apr 24th, 2007 9:14 PM |
| I don't have much else to say about the porn, but I will tell you that I was shocked at how much having a baby changed the relationship between Andy and me. Honestly it's been really hard, and of course I got pregnant again right away, so we haven't had a normal sex life in almost 2 years. I think of it this way - we are married, truly committed and in it for the long haul. This phase of our relationship is just that - a phase. It's about the babies more than about us right now. Not that we don't nurture our own relationship, but we can't expect it to be the way it was when we had no concern except for ourselves. Someday it will be about us again and we'll be able to be spontaneous, and less exhausted and emotionally drained. It's just part of the ride of being with a LIFE PARTNER:) This is what marriage is about - compromise, love, understanding...talk to him, ask him what he gets out of looking at the porn. Men are wired differently than women, so don't take it personally. It's just a physical, mechanical response for them, no emotion involved. It's clear that his love is for you and Harper. Sorry so long, I can just relate and wish someone had told me how much having a baby alters your relationship with hubby:) ↑ |
| Name: ginamom | Date: Apr 24th, 2007 9:16 PM |
| ok kristy..let me see if I can be of some help. Not all guys watch porn some are fine with what I call "window shopping," Hooters, nudey clubs or acting out personal fantazies with wives dress in costumes and wigs ..some do a couple of these including porn etc...it just really depends on the guy. I am a female and I look at porn sometimes when I am horny and need to relieve sexual tension. I really don't even think that hard about it and I don't look at it and wish my husband were those guys..but I do take some of the tips I get off of them to the bedroom, lol!!! Porn can be addictive and most guys do lie about it, it has more to do with being ashamed and avoiding the conversation of "do you love me?, is their something wrong with me'" ..etc.. I would have talked to him and said look it bothers me that you watch porn I feel insecure right now because ........and tell him it hurts when you lie about it so can we be honest.....I think that is a start not moving to hotel or being angry and making an arguement out of it. If he is a good husband and father than you can work on the porn like I said tell him about how you feel about it .I know we want them to read our minds but they can't ....I hope the helps ↑ |
| Name: ginamom | Date: Apr 24th, 2007 9:20 PM |
| I don't care how much in love you are or how great your marriage is your lying if having baby doesn't change things but it like MissMara said you work it out together ..it what is all about ↑ |
| Name: harper1990 | Date: Apr 24th, 2007 10:46 PM |
I'm so sorry about all this Kristy, I know your having a tough time.
Mason watches porn all the time, just not when I am home. I don't have a problem with it, seeing that lately I have been staying away from sex because I thought I was pregnant the last time.
I think you both need to sit down and you need to tell him how you feel. If he really loves you then he would understand your side of the stoy, maybe you could both compromise with eachother.
I don't know if I am making any sense, but I try!
Hope you feel better! ↑ |
| Name: Coartney | Date: Apr 24th, 2007 10:58 PM |
| kristy, we are so much alike.. i hated when scott would look at porn, even though i used to model lol .. and during pregnancy when i had no sex drive what so ever, i used to ask him to watch porn together! just so i could get turned on.. i dono.. it was like i was showing him "hey look im fat and pregnant but ill still rock you better than your hand will" haha ↑ |
| Name: A Mom To Be | Date: Apr 24th, 2007 11:26 PM |
My dh used to have lots, he deleted it etc but I know he has his stash somewhere on his computer, I think most men do. Looking and not touching is a good thing, it is on the computer so it is not like he is going to have sex with her. If he was cheating in real life thats something else, but it's not.
I know you want the attention of him instead of him giving it to the computer but like the others have said if it is not 24/7 then it is not a big deal. I have been fighting a porn battle this week too, I know he has a 'wank' when watching it and today is day 13 and he hasn't 'wanked' all week. Last night was like a volcano... I had better fall preggers this month.
I know even my dad used to have a dirty calendar. I bet you dad has a look now and then too. Make sure there are guidelines then if it bother you, but don't ruin a relationship with your partner and the father of your child over this. ↑ |
| Name: roseywosey | Date: Apr 24th, 2007 11:54 PM |
| Kristy.. seriously.. Guys will be guys.. they look at porn.. its just something they do!! wether they have a gf / wife etc.. you cant stop a guy from looking at his porn.. i just let my boyfriend go ahead and do it.. doesnt bother me.. i love him to bits. but i mean its only porn lol.. i would rather he looked at porn than bug me about sex.. or have sex with another girl ! ( im pregnant.. and have absolutely no sex drive ) ↑ |
| Name: lil_dancer77 | Date: Apr 25th, 2007 12:40 AM |
Boys will be boys...
If you are really worried about it...you could wait till you feel comfy with your body again..make your own porn..and let him watch that?...hehehehe ↑ |
| Name: Meggles18 | Date: Apr 25th, 2007 1:27 AM |
| I think that you should just tell him how you feel about it. I personally like watching porn with my Boyfriend it makes me get in the mood really quick. I totally understand feeling fat but he makes me feel sexy. That and the fact that I am watching it turns him on even more. Its a win win situation for me.. ;) ↑ |
| Name: BabyDrae12 | Date: Apr 25th, 2007 1:46 AM |
OKAY gils as I read all the comments that have been poasted I was in SHOCK....hardly ne of you are opposed to porn!
Where are ur morals????
..all us wemon derserve a man who is faithful...
When u allow your spouse to look at porn and condone it ..
You are basicaly telling him "it's oaky to lust and long for other wemon" they see no diffirance in a porn star and a normal day to day girl....Now think of that same mind frame you give him as he walk though wal-mart..he sees a sexy woman and perhaps she flirts well....needless to say he is going to long and lust and eventually he will give into temptation wether it's 5 years from now or 40..Men are men.
When u show him that u deserve his love and affection and that u value his love for you then he inturn will RESPECT you LOVE you and be that man u wish he could be...Not to mention no matter if u like porn also and watch it with him,,,All wemon at some point feel or question their appearance and sex appeal..It is NOT A HEALTHY THING FOR YOUR MIND AND SOUL.
I Think that kristy84 u have EVERY right to feel the way you do ...
show your self worth and be respected and if he doesn't respect u then he may not be the one for you. ↑ |
| Name: roseywosey | Date: Apr 25th, 2007 1:48 AM |
| lol dont be silly. every guy ( even if they have the most attractive woman in the whole world ) lust over other girls anyway !! its just the way it is. ↑ |
| Name: A Mom To Be | Date: Apr 25th, 2007 1:55 AM |
BabyDrae12 how old are you?
Are you married?
What is your religion?
I have never heard of you?
I used to think porn is bad, but can't be bothered to protest, he isn't hurting anyone, and please don't tell me that I have no morals, especially when you cannot spell the word, it tarnishes your cause. Are you telling me you haven't seen a handsome man walk past and think "Mmm, he is good looking"... according to your set of morals then I would have been cheating.
Natural instinct. ↑ |
| Name: BabyDrae12 | Date: Apr 25th, 2007 1:59 AM |
| I just dont get why girls are okay with it...I know men lust that a given but come on....a spreading her legs for your man I think thats wrong then he screwes u and thinks about her..thats wrong. My oppinion ↑ |
| Name: BabyDrae12 | Date: Apr 25th, 2007 2:00 AM |
| I dont mean to offend ne one mom2b ↑ |
| Name: BabyDrae12 | Date: Apr 25th, 2007 2:12 AM |
nah not quite..
People have their oppinions and I respect yours. ↑ |
| Name: question | Date: Apr 25th, 2007 2:14 AM |
| not quite?maybe you're amish? ↑ |
| Name: roseywosey | Date: Apr 25th, 2007 2:14 AM |
| You couldnt have said it any better A Mom To Be. thats what i think too. ↑ |
| Name: BabyDrae12 | Date: Apr 25th, 2007 2:14 AM |
| Name: BabyDrae12 | Date: Apr 25th, 2007 2:15 AM |
| alright well I gotta leave this WONDERFUL convo...But yeah...buh bye ↑ |
| Name: A Mom To Be | Date: Apr 25th, 2007 5:37 AM |
| Well she wasn't respecting our viewpoint, I didn't ask her to say it was right but she was preaching... I am religious but she was hmmmm, extreme. ↑ |
| Name: Daisy-UK | Date: Apr 25th, 2007 11:47 AM |
Kristy, I agree with you, I would be upset too. If you're a couple, then that only involved the 2 of you. When you have a complete commitment, why would you want your man lust after another woman? I don't feel that it's harmless because you never know where it will turn. As most of you know, I am very religious, I try my best and to me porn is a sin because lust itself is a sin even if it's just a thought. If he is whacking off, then he is fantasizing of another woman and not his wife/girlfriend. I do understand the other side, where you all are pregnant or just had a baby and the bottom line is you just don't have a sexual drive at the moment, but that doesn't mean it's ok and I wouldn't condone it. I know it's a tough one because I see that you want to make sure your men are happy sexually, obviously, they are lusting after you, but you're turning them directly to another woman, makes no difference if it's porn or a person. And from what some of you say, they hide it from you, what else could they be hiding.
I mean no disrespect to any of you and all your opions are valid, I would just hate to see any of my friends here hurt. ↑ |
| Name: BabyDrae12 | Date: Apr 25th, 2007 12:26 PM |
I feel the same as daisy does about the whole situation,,,,I guess it's just diffirent strokes for diffirent folks.
And I happen to have a guy who agrees with me on the whole situation,,,And he wold be hurt if I looked at it..so we have a understanding between us.
Besides we dont need porn our sex life is ummm I guess u could say It could be a porno...haha
(well they would prob need some editing on thies thighs of mine ;) ↑ |
| Name: blondiess4u | Date: Apr 25th, 2007 1:02 PM |
| My hubby used to look at porn, and I didn't know about it, but when I found out I was pissed! It took awhile and he saw how hurt I was, but he eventually stopped, but then he wanted to have more sex, you just cant win! ↑ |
| Name: ginamom | Date: Apr 25th, 2007 1:51 PM |
| ok heres something to add, my husband whacks off to nudey pics of me ...just wanted to add..maybe the ladies that are worried about porn can try that one ↑ |
| Name: DaneseS | Date: Apr 25th, 2007 1:53 PM |
| yeah if you dont like him to look at other women maybe you can just make some porn of your own..lol.. video and pictures..i bet he would like that alot.... ↑ |
| Name: Double_K | Date: Apr 25th, 2007 2:15 PM |
| I don't think when a guy watches porn that he is fantasizing he is with THAT girl or that he is lusting after a particular person---its just watching the act, or body parts :), etc that is arousing. It doesn't mean he's not attracted to what he has at home or that he is wanting more somewhere else. I agree with with most that it is just pretty darn natural for a guy to want to watch it......THAT DOES NOT mean that I am saying its not morally wrong....or even right. :) To each their own.... ↑ |
| Name: Lola | Date: Apr 25th, 2007 6:55 PM |
I am waaay too lazy to read all you guys responses because it's so darn long...
But...is the reason you don't like him looking at it that you think those women are more attractive than you, or they perform better than you and expects you to live up to it?
I watch porn sometimes with my partner and he goes crazy if I watch it alone...I don't get it... ↑ |
| Name: krystinakoleen | Date: Apr 26th, 2007 10:50 PM |
| i wouldn't be extremely upset about the fact that he looks at it..i mean i don't like it either but men will be men..But i would be highly upset about him lying..i mean if he lies about what he looks at on the computer what else does he lie about ya know?? yeah...the lying thing would seriously upset me..if my husband was doing that i might leave for a night...just to show the importance of honesty and then see if he got the picture. ↑ |
| Name: DaneseS | Date: Apr 26th, 2007 10:59 PM |
| i do agree the lying is a problem...and i would be upset about it as well ↑ |
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