|
|
|
| Name: lucie | Date: Feb 20th, 2007 5:20 AM |
| lyns stick around on here. whats happend? hope you are ok. i am here if you nees me. lucie xx ↑ |
| Name: lucie | Date: Feb 20th, 2007 5:21 AM |
| erenaa. if you have programmed in you mind that you are gonna have an ED then let it be. no one can stop you and if they tried it would probably make you want to do it even more. just bare in mind about all the complications ED's can cause. lucie x ↑ |
| Name: Heatherb28 | Date: Mar 13th, 2007 7:47 PM |
| I love to eat cookies and cake but often have trouble getting it all up. My best binge is done with pizza. Always get it up ↑ |
| Name: summadaiz | Date: Mar 14th, 2007 3:54 PM |
| For all of you who are thinking of being bulimic try not to start!!! it's not good for you... Those of you who are, I know it's hard and you want to stop but it's satisfiying for you... But you know the risks and the pain so why would you encourage others to do it? Lucie and Ally I am (proud) of both of you for putting it out there and making a connection with each other... That is really touching, I hope one day you will find the strength to stop. And have you ever thought of the strength and control it takes to stop? I think that would show even more control then doing it... you would show control over yourself... Now you have given control to society and media image... Anywho I encourage you both to talk with each other and even if you don't stop... try to slow down... this is bad to encourage doing it at all but maybe just do it once or twice a week... or Lucie only do it once not twice... just some suggestions... but best of luck to all!!! ↑ |
| Name: sairzwb | Date: Mar 16th, 2007 9:18 AM |
| i am sorry to ask you this but i am a 17 year old student and i am doing a paper on bulimia nervosa for my psychlogicalpart of health and social care and wondere if you wud be able to tell what you think are the cognitive, biological, soial influence and behaviorism perspectives as i cannot find them at all soory again xx ↑ |
| Name: push | Date: Mar 16th, 2007 9:04 PM |
| thats similar to my day lucie .. apart from i have someone to talk to .. i have a very kind tutor .. am sorry that thats your life but i feel the same when ritten on paper it is disgusting but it our lives .. bless you chick kayx ↑ |
| Name: sgt86 | Date: Mar 27th, 2007 3:38 AM |
| Wooow I cant believe there are so many other that do the same things that i do....Im from the US and i feel like im the only one on the earth that does this (binging and purging) reading your story was like thinking about my day.....im a little worse but im trying to get better.thank you lucie!! Sofia ↑ |
| Name: HmH | Date: May 1st, 2007 12:55 AM |
| Been there, done allll of that. Thank you for sharing, I know it isn't easy to talk about sometimes... but if feels better to get off your chest! I know you're not proud of it, and you want to get better... it's just harder than anyone ever thinks. I believe that noone understands unless they have lived the awful day when they Plan everything around binging and purging... like you just explained. It's not that YOU DON"T want to come home from work... eat a healthy dinner and then take a nice walk outside and then come back and shower and sit and watch a good movie or something... but it's harder than that. Eating disorders are complex, we want stability and normalcy... but we "ruin" everyday with binging and purging. Keep your head up, Keep fighting and trying to get better :) One day, you're going to have a breakthrough and you're going to feel proud and relieved and alive! best of luck... but keep trying to work in the right direction ↑ |
| Name: Journey1 | Date: May 3rd, 2007 1:26 AM |
| Hi! Thanks for sharing part of your story. I have struggled with bulimia for 22 years and over the past year, going thru a divorce with a 3 year old and 4 year old, has only escalated my binging/purging. If I don't have a "babysitter" in my life, I can live alone with my food and no one knows what I am doing. I have rituals that are definitely not pretty and I think sharing it does provide some relief. They say we are purging our "feelings" so putting it down on paper and talking about it is kind of a form of purging. Up until recently, I did not have a purge free day for at least a year. I fell down and fractured my jaw and now have my jaw wired shut. I had 6 days and actually figured out a way to purge, even with my jaw wired shut. That is so sick! I put stuff in the blender and liquified it and then purged it up. It was so nasty. I can binge/purge for 8 hours straight, sleep for 2 and then get up and do it again. It is such an animal. I pray, go to 12 step meetings and just can not get it. I am hoping to get into a treatment center.....hopefully in September. That is my only hope. I need to be monitored to learn how to eat. I have a fear of eating something "normal" and keeping it down. I just understand, empathize with your situation and am in a similar predicament. There is recovery out there. I have met people that are free from this disease. I will continue to pray and will say a prayer for my fellow sufferers! God Bless and keep writing. ↑ |
| Name: imarhcp | Date: May 5th, 2007 5:21 PM |
| you are not disgusting AT ALL. ↑ |
| Name: DefendUs | Date: May 28th, 2007 8:42 PM |
| WELL, UH WOW. WERE THE SAME EXEPT I DONT STORE IT ANYWHEER NEAR MY CLOTHS! ↑ |
| Name: DefendUs | Date: May 28th, 2007 8:43 PM |
| Sorry for the caps it was a accident. ↑ |
| Name: gramma | Date: Jun 8th, 2007 8:18 PM |
| Hi Lucie, This may seem very strange to you...or not. My days are so similar to what you have described yours to be. I do so well all day long, it's when I get home when I go nuts with food. I seem to eat any BAD stuff that happens to be in the house. Just tonight I have eaten ALL the leftovers (and there were a lot) from a dinner party I had at my house last night. Vomitted twice to get to the bottom of it all. This is the second time that my nose has bled durring the act. It kind of scares me, but apparently not enough. I have NOT told any one about my illness. Looking back, I realize that I started all of this when my neice was born 23 years ago and have continued off and on since then and my weight has gone up and downall those years. I am 55 years old and quite ashamed of myself. I work, I exercise, I have lots of friends, I have a decent husband, three grown kids and 2 young grandchildren. What more could I possibly want in life????? To make myself so sick that My health is seriously threatened is so stupid, and I'm not a stupid person in general. For the past week the disease has had complete control over me but, I'm telling you Lucie, for you and for me, tomorrow I will not binge and purge. Thank you Lucie. Maybe we can help each other. I'm prepared to give you my email address if you'd like to try to buddy up. Any way Lucie, all the best to you and your health, Gramma ↑ |
| Name: Tadyaa | Date: Jun 16th, 2007 5:22 PM |
| Hello lucie! Your lifestyle sure reminds me of mine... I have the stupid need to be thin, and now I'm not, my weight is always changing, and I tired of purging myself by vomiting, I'm also tired of excessive workout, I'v tried to control myself but I just CAN'T! I talked to my mother and she made me go to a shrink, I absolutely hated it! But I stopped my sick behavior, I was always purging! I tried all i could and I started to think I was cured, and I was, till I fell in love again and the guy dumped me, then i felt worthless again, and now I'm using diet pills, laxatives and I have this binging episodes fallowed by the purging ones! I want to be thin again, I feel so fat!! I jus't don't think this is working, those stupid diet pills make me feel so bad... I really don't know what to do! I wan't to be thin so badly... ↑ |
| Name: gazoo | Date: Jul 16th, 2007 1:16 AM |
| It's funny that after 2 years of being a good girl and not binging/purging once, that I find myself starting to do it again! I used to be bulimic for about 7 years, and then i quit cold turkey when I found out i was pregnant. I started occaisionally doing after I finished breast feeding as I felt unhappy with my larger body. I wasn't doing it as frequently as before (when at my worst it was about 4x a day.) but maybe about 3x a week. 2 years ago, I made a conscious decision to just stop. It was like an alcohol that is struggling to become sober, and I was proud of my achievments! I actually thought I had it licked after my year anniversary. I am not sure why I am starting it up again. I feel so annoyed at myself when i actually plan throughout the day of how I am going to binge/purge. All the dancing around and lying and waiting to be alone, the right time to do it. IT is so exhausting! I feel so alone, because being bulimic is such a shameful thing. I just recently admitted to my counselour (sp) of my food issues. She gave me the number of an eating disorder specialist. I haven't called yet I guess because of vanity. I have to be somewhere in August where I know I will feel like a fat cow if I am not skinnier. I just wish I could be normal and quit catagorizing food as good or bad. I wish I could listen to my body's cues of hunger, instead of over-riding them. It's funny reading how similar some people's 'plan' is to mine. I 'line my stomach' too so I will know if I have gotten it all out too. I also have a certain time limit that I allow before I purge and if it get's delayed for some reason, than I always feel less satified that i haven't gotten it all. I find chocolate bars really hard to purge, while cheesecake is easy, so is ice cream. Writing this down is helpful, finding people like me to talk to is helpful too. ↑ |
| Name: Angel_Girl222 | Date: Jul 30th, 2007 5:27 AM |
| Hello everyone, I have begun a short story to relieve my feelings towards bulimia. Although a little confronting, Im sure many of you can relate to it. Here is the first few paragraphs: She leaned over the tub, gazing at the small puddle of vomitus that lay there. Examining its mixed contents with curiosity, she wondered how many calories had been purged. Still not enough, she thought, biting her lips. I know I have eaten more than that tonight. She leaned further forward, once more pressing her stomach against the rolled up towel which lay between her and the edge of the bathtub. This method, she knew, applied more pressure to her stomach and therefore ensured gravity would assist in the force of the next purge. If she could just get the remaining contents out… Why was it so hard tonight? It used to be so much easier. Her fingers made their way to the back of her throat and she scratched away desperately, urging on the sickly feeling she had induced countless times before. A rush of fluid, bile, ice-cream, mixed with cookie dough and traces of chocolate streamed through her oesophagus and spread itself throughout the preceding puddle, which was now beginning to obstruct the drain. An acid sting filled her mouth as her throat began to swell and throb. Despite the anguish, a strong sense of relief overwhelmed her as she lay back panting. The puddle now looked to her like a deranged Warshack test, a wild animal lost in a tangle of vines. As she stood up, her knees made a cracking sound and she carefully sipped a glass of water she had prepared earlier to fill her stomach - it seemed to help bring up the food more easily and flush away the acidic after-effect. She looked at herself in the mirror - cheeks swollen, glazed eyes, wild hair with traces of food particles dripping from the ends. This is the last time, her conscious mind repeated forcefully, while subconsciously she knew she would be back within the week to repeat the cycle of what had become a habitual cleansing ritual. Purging negated the guilt and provided a feeling of control, while inharmoniously leaving a feeling of emptiness both physically and emotionally. How did I get here? she thought as she made her way from the bathroom to her computer chair, where she would spend the next two hours planning calories for the following day and designing a new exercise regime, which would no doubt be much more viable and effective than the last. She wearily sat down, with the frustration and resentment almost tangible as the disgust and disappointment with herself ebbed back into her conscious. She had no food left in her pantry to numb their passage or to detach herself from the reality that she had now created for herself. Many times before, she had attempted to fight her demons by examining all the emotional triggers that had led her to each binge. She scrolled numerous websites on Bulimia Nervosa, and found herself in a fishbowl filled with women who had similar stories to her own. She was pigeonholed as a statistic who was predisposed to perfectionist tendencies, lacking self-worth, self-confidence, self-esteem, self-regard, self-respect - the list went on. And on. Her attempts at self-diagnosis only left her feeling more helpless as she realised that this would be a demon she would have to deal with and attempt to manage for the remainder of her life. The solace offered for those battling the same demon was to seek professional help. She quivered at the notion of exposing herself to a stranger who would only recommend deep-breathing techniques and aversion therapy. Surely she would eventually stumble over a miracle diagnosis, or an affirmation that would change her outlook, alter her perception and rekindle her zest for life - a life in which she would not be a slave to excessive exercise nor obsessed with her appearance. As she sat staring at the screen, which began to faze into a blur of white light, she wondered why her personal vanity had become the very essence of her existence. Although she was not a woman of spiritual faith, the word ‘vanity’ danced around her head as she correlated it to the ‘Seven Deadly Sins’ and mused over how true that was in her own case. ↑ |
| Name: wannabee | Date: Aug 6th, 2007 6:46 PM |
| dnt eay, yhen try throw up- ull lose heaps more weight- have 1 meal a day then chuck dat up ↑ |
| Name: noOora | Date: Dec 13th, 2007 1:41 PM |
| ii would feel sry for u .. but am not.. i feell more miserable for the both of us.. it's like i cant stop anymore.. i thoght i was takin it to the extreme but i guss.. theres others.. hw did u have the strngth to speak out .. i tryed to but end up Xthe window... i cdnt confice that i have a probleme... its hard.. i keep hiding this from the others ...its like they dont feel that theres sumthin wrong?? the feeling that i gt wn am all .. finished vomiting.. like comfort but painful in the same time... hw wd sumthin so bad makes u feel so gd?? god it feels so gd to knw am not alone.. ↑ |
| Name: ginger:snaps | Date: Mar 15th, 2008 11:02 AM |
| Hey everyone, I read quite a lot of the comments and it feels soo good (in a weird way?) that other people are going through the same thing as me!! I spend up to £25 a day (sometimes less though) on food to binge and purge which might not sound like a lot but I have to buy it all in town on the way back home from 6th form and then try and hide it from everyone and stop myself eating it on the way home which is really hard! It's also really embarrassing when the guy asks for my train ticket and I've accidentally chucked it in my bag with the food and I have to hunt around the food to find it, I always get weird looks lol. I've only had bulimia for around 2 years, since I was 14 but I had a lot of food and weight issues before then as well and also SI'd for about a year. I got the courage to tell my parents about my bulimia a while ago and went to treatment but only for about 5 months because I found it actually only got a lot worse during that time so I told everyone I was better and even though I still take about 3 or 4 'showers' a day (when I'm throwing up) and my bedroom stinks of puke when I have to do it in a bag because someone's in the bathroom, my family still don't know/seem to give a crap. My boyfriend of a year is the only one who knows about it and I'm not even the one who told him, it was a girl I used to be best friends with before she started bitching and spreading rumours about me (although I don't know if it's technically a rumour if it's true... but some of the stuff she said wasn't so yeah). It really has had an effect on our relationship because we always argue and often I feel too disgusting to allow him near me or I just feel generally shitty and don't want to talk, even though I love him more than anything. I want him to be happy so much but every time something goes wrong with us it always seems to be my fault, that's even something he's said before (not in a mean way, it actually is my fault) and I also just don't want to be alone because if he left I would literally have no one as I've cut myself off almost completely from everyone else I've known. I hate that I feel like food has control over me even though tbh food couldn't care less if I ate it or not, it's all in my head. Argh it's just so frustrating. I want to say well done to everyone who's posted on here for sharing your stories, I mean 'better out than in' right? I didn't mean that to sound totally like 'pro-mia' or whatever cos I'm not in any way... you probably know what I mean though. ↑ |
| Name: cyrus29 | Date: Mar 29th, 2008 7:26 AM |
| Your post sounds crazy familiar! I have started every day with 2 small apples for many years now and eat very little all day (mainly fruit) or my "safe" foods and I do love to binge and just recently started "your whole routine" daily. I hate it! ↑ |
| Name: nikkim2 | Date: Apr 1st, 2008 7:47 AM |
| Hi I am 37 years old and have been bulimic since I was 15 years old. I was just getting on the computer to search for how to help an eating disorder and I came across this sight. I dont know how to stop but over the years I have learned that I think part of my disorder stems from tring to make other people like who I am. I think I mold myself into what people want me to be inorder to get acceptance. When I look at back at it now I see how I molded myself into the person I thought my Dad would accept. Anyway its an awful disease. Its humilating and disgusting at least thats how I feel about it. Sometimes its how I feel about myself. I know how hard it is to talk to people about it. I have told people over the years and usually got the same outcome. I would tell and I'm not sure but maybe they were overwhelmed by my admission but usually the conversation never came up again. I have told every long term boyfriend including my husband. I have told my mom and although I'm sure she is very concerned about my well being she doesn't handle it very well. The first time I told her she said,"are you sure" and " I dont think you are bulimic". I dont know maybe it insulted her parenting skills in some way. Once I forgot to flush the toilet after purging. I was probably 25 or so and she called me and wanted to know what was going on. I replied that I was fine. Of course I was mortified that someone had seen my puke. The conversation never came up again. Anyway it is very hard to tell someone about this monster. There are times I feel like talking about it and times that I am ashamed of it and dont want to talk, therefor I think people get confused and dont know how to deal with it. I am here if you need to talk. I dont know how old you are but I hate wondering how much longer do I have to do this thing. Get help ↑ |
| Name: br33 | Date: Jul 9th, 2008 12:42 AM |
| Hi everyone. I have never tried a website chat room for my disorder before and am not sure if will help, but I am willing to try. I have been bulimic since I was 14. I am now 23. I know I have this disease, but am convinced it is not as bad as I see others. I feel like I know how little I can be before I start developing heart problems and what not. I know a lot of the things that could and will go wrong with my body, but can not stop forever. The only time I really stopped was when I got pregnant and was nursing. I then felt like I had a really good excuse to stop and if I did not... I was not only putting myself in danger, but my helpless child's life endanger. I gained SO much weight then! And I thought I had overcome this disease. That is until I went back to work and slowly started to loose my milk. When I completely dried up, I did not have a reason to be the size I was. Other people thought I was a good healthy weight, but I knew I was definitely not the size I wanted to be and wanted to wear my old clothes again! I figured I could diet. But we all know in today's society, it is so hard to diet! I saw food everywhere. It seemed like everyone wanted me to eat with them. Eating is a great way to socialize and food taste SO good! I always have these cravings and think to myself I will eat just a little bit and it would not be so bad, but then I eat and eat and eat. Then I get this hurting feeling that I am going to explode and did not realize how full I have gotten so quickly. Then I also start think... oh my gosh, I just ate all this crap and when I weigh myself I will be also much heavier. The food in my stomach starts to feel like it just wants to come up on it own and if I just went to the bathroom really quick I would feel SO much better! After that I felt better. But later I start to feel weak and dizzy and even start shaking sometimes. Like I really need to eat something.... then it might get back in the same cycle or I might make myself eat a little just to hold me over. It would depend on where I am at the time or how much money I have. I sometimes think to myself that I can stop! I will just start eating a little every few hours and it can only be healthy thing... but then the food is right there and I do it again and claim I will try again tomorrow. It never works! I have got to stop! I made the mistake... at least I feel like it is a mistake... of telling my boyfriend I had this problem. I think I was in a way looking for some kind of help and reaching out for it from someone I love and care about and that supposedly felt the same about me. Just to let everyone know... I have been in the hospital for this a couple of times, but I only got admitted because of my depression then they found out I was not only depressed, but was bulimic as well. They stuck me in these damn addiction classes with a bunch of damn drug addicts!!! I understand there concept of bulimia is an addiction, but putting me in a class with people that are addicted to drugs does not help me!!! I was the only one was NOT addicted to drugs! I could not relate to those people at ALL! Anyway... my boyfriend if the father of my child. We have been together on and off for the past 5 years or so. I told him about me about 1 1/2years into the relationship. He did not understand at all! I feel like he still does not understand. I know this might sound weird, but we have been broken up for about a year now. We decided to try o work things out, but he said we would not be a couple until I fix myself! Like I am damn broken or something! I am now desperate on trying to stop. Therapy really did not seem to help in the past, but I am giving it another chance... even though I am very skeptical about it! I feel like I am going to be wasting my money on sessions (I do not have insurance, so it is all coming out of pocket). I need so feedback tips, or something I can do to make me stop... for good! I keep telling myself I can stop on my own, but he keeps telling me I can not and that I need help. I am trying... it just takes time. I feel like I can gradually stop. This is not like when I found out I was pregnant and was putting someone else life endanger. It is only me and to tell you the truth my life is not that great and I feel like if I die from this then I die from this, but at least I will die the size I want to be and everyone will remember me skinny and not fat! Sorry this post was so long. ~Bree ↑ |
| Name: babyblue28 | Date: Jul 20th, 2008 2:05 PM |
| Try this on for size: I am a chronic bulimic and 30 weeks pregnant. Being pregnant has kept me from getting sick, it hasn't however, kept me from mentally beating myself down. I'm 5'61/2'' and used to way 115 pounds. When I met my boyfriend I started gaining weight, but at that time I was still able to 'control' it. Mostly with purging and a combination of caffiene, nicotine, and phetermine. But.... As soon as I became pregnant, well, I started blowing up like a balloon. Now, in my third trimester I am nearing 170 lbs. Yeah, it's been a hell of a ride, I know I have to keep myself healthy, for the sake of the baby, but it is a constant struggle. I can't stand the curves that now accompany me everywhere I go, and I fear they'll never go away. Don't get me wrong, having a baby is a wonderful thing. But it really takes a toll on a body who has battled with a sickness for so long. For all those living, and dying, with MIA, remember, you are not alone. ↑ |
| Name: lucie_ann | Date: Jul 22nd, 2008 6:36 PM |
| babyblue, 4 words 'HATS OFF TO YOU' when Mia is is control to become pregnant is one of the joys of the world. You are so so strong, really, im finding it hard to write it down but when you have mia and you are preg and your body is going to grow and grow, which you cant control it must be scary at times. Very brave well done, hope your doing ok. ↑ |
| Name: ApRil1987 | Date: Jul 31st, 2008 12:23 AM |
| Hi... I don't know how to talk to someone about my ED, and I kinda need i lately, I'm scared, and so lonely... sometimes I get really depressed... i would like someone to talk to about it... is someone interested in being my friend? and not being disgusted by my ED... i'm just so embarrased about it... well... hope someone answers.. thank u.. ↑ |
| Name: lucie_ann | Date: Aug 2nd, 2008 9:06 PM |
| Hi april im here you can talk to if you are ready. I laid all my cards on the table when i wrote my story at the top and it honestly lifted the weight off my shoulders. Hope to hear from you soon lucie ↑ |
| Name: shattered | Date: Aug 7th, 2008 8:54 PM |
| hello... this also sounds familiar to me... horribly familiar.. ive suffered from bulimia since i was 14. im now 19...and i just wish i was dead. i recently dated a medical student...and i fell inlove with him.... but pushed him away,,, pushed him away because i was scared he would see who i really was. disgusting. weak. pathetic. when we had sex my hands went numb... i thought it was something simply to do with an orgasm...but i know its not... its poor sirculation... my whole body went numb... i embraced it. loved it. but im fucking killing myslef. oneday i was sitting in the car with my mum. i had had a misshap with my uni art project. im good at art. i love art... but i have no energy to work as much as i want to..as much as i could... if i was healthy.for 3 weeks id been vomiting everything i ate.. and taking at the very least 5 laxatives a day....on a bad day 15... we were talking about going to uni, my future. when everything went black. i could hear her.. but it sounded so far away. the entire left side of my body went numb. i overheated then went verry verry cold. i tried to stay calm. not let her notice. breathe slowly. wait for it to pass. but in my head i knew this could be it.... i thought i was going to die. i knew these where symptoms of low potassium. which cause strokes or heartfailure. i knew this was serious. and i dont want to feel like that ever again. at night i would lie in bed... feel my feet.....try and shake off the numbness. i wake up from dreams unable to breathe, like im choking i havent purposly binged and vomited essecively like this for a while.... but.... the sad thing is.. im trying to get fixed ... to overcome it... and i can go 4 days without being sick.. then i fal appart again...fall into it again.... and this is the best ive been, for ages. i cant take it anymore. i lie awake all night, touching my teeth... all i can think about is being 30, with no teeth. my stomache cant take it. i cant take it. i wan tto die so often. i want to be someone else. i dont want to feel like this... i dont want to eat anymore.. but i get hungry.............. i want to have will power. this is completely tearing me appart. i respect your blog... i feel so often that i want to tell people this. i need to share. an i want to know if other people ever feel like this aswell? do you worry about your teeth... have you ever had heart problems.. or numbness aswell...... and how... how can i be someone else??? i invision a perfect girl. i want to be one of those girls, who are beautiful, intelligent, healthy... always look spectacular, always on time, organised, moral. helpfull. instead i am this. a skinny untoned little girl. whom can only hold up a confident ficade for a while... untill the insecurities kick in. i go days wher i cannot face anyone... my mouth wont let me speak... i just cant find words... i wan to lock myslef up untill i get fixed. but it never changes. nothing ever seems to penitrate my stupid mind and make me wakeup and realise... ive ruined my lfe. ↑ |
| Name: lucie_ann | Date: Aug 21st, 2008 1:06 PM |
| Hi Shattered! Wow it must of taken alot of courage to write that down well done! I know what you mean bout when you feel that bad you feel like you going to die, so weak, and feeling pathetic. When i wrote this post all that time a go i was in a really really bad way, and would write on here like evryday. well i moved house the start of the year and since then it was like something clicked and it took me ages, lots of tears and frustration but i cut down how many times i was being sick. and the last approx 6 months have flew by. and case closed. I knew that bulimia was creeping inside of me and yes some days were very hard. But disaster struck the other night. I left my job then just felt really depressed. I had no 'junk' food in the house cus ive been eating so well the last few months, little bits but often! but the other night i just lost all control, reached for any food i could find even fruit and veggies and cereal, i started saying in my head 'no lucie no dont do it' and i even started saying it out loud but i couldnt control that force that was taking over. my head was saying no but my body was moving me to the fridge! well i felt disgusting afterwards like i knew i would but relieved as i threw most of it up, i then cried and cried and when i went to bed i just slept to the next afternoon, it worn me out. Then this week ive stayed at my friends a couple of nights. its been great. i got back last night, and i have had an ok day but i have had to post right know as i just got the uncontrollable urge to binge/purge. i keep no junk in the house just 'healthy food' i just went to make a salad then i had to throw the stuff down and post on here cus i didnt want that salad. I think its because i introduced bread back in to my eating to day, when i went to sainsburys i brought a ting little loaf so i could try and eat sandwiches but no i feel that cus i had 2 pieces of bread at lunch it feels like ive lost control as i had a food that has been in my eating habbit for like 6 months. im scared im sitting here tempted to just go to the shop and get food and get this over with. i cant keep affording to binge like this as i have to pay bills and mortgage myself. im scared that bullimia has returned like it used to be. im scared im thinking ahead to much. and im scared that this is all in my mind so much its freaking me out! well i will go and do the sin, i will pop back on here later lucie xx ↑ |
| Name: lucie_ann | Date: Aug 21st, 2008 1:13 PM |
| i know i just posted in a dilema but i just read my orignal post up the very top of page the one that started this thread 'bulimia in explicit detail' And you know i just thought fu*k bulimia i am not making myself sick tonight even if it means smoking twice as many ciggies than usual or even eating apples and grapes to pass the time there is no way i am letting this back it my life! i at now 21 years of age am not doing the walk of shame in the supermarket with a basket full of binge food i will not be disgraced by bulimia again. i will take sleeping tablets to distract me so i sleep instead, i WILL DO ANYTHING TONIGHT BUT BINGE i promise that. i wish this disorder will just leave me alone.......for ever. I hate bulimia. Lucie xx ↑ |
| Name: Becky | Date: Aug 31st, 2008 1:24 PM |
| this is the exact same thing i do. im at college with 8 dormmates so its a lot harder to do, but whenever im alone or go home for the weekend, something comes over me and i have to do it. my roommates are all gone this weekend, and yesterday i did well for half the day, then i binged and then threw up 4 times in a row. it amazed me how much came up each time i purged. i always feel so bad, i want to quit, and my boyfriend wants me to as well. theres just something out of my control that drives me to do it. so i know how youre feeling. its definitely something that you plan out. ↑ |
| Name: senstar | Date: Oct 13th, 2008 7:48 PM |
| hi lucie, are you still fighting it? i've had bulimia for 3 years now and i thought i was finally beating it. i hadn't made myself sick for about 3 months but then things went wrong and its back as bad as ever. i've had the worst day today but after reading all the entries on this site i'm determined to try to stop again. i don't want this to be my life anymore. but it feels like this is something i'm always going to be struggling with. does it ever really go away? if anyone feels that they have truly gotten over it please let me know. i could do with some support! good luck to anyone trying to beat it. xx ↑ |
