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| Name: senstar | Date: Oct 13th, 2008 7:48 PM |
| hi lucie, are you still fighting it? i've had bulimia for 3 years now and i thought i was finally beating it. i hadn't made myself sick for about 3 months but then things went wrong and its back as bad as ever. i've had the worst day today but after reading all the entries on this site i'm determined to try to stop again. i don't want this to be my life anymore. but it feels like this is something i'm always going to be struggling with. does it ever really go away? if anyone feels that they have truly gotten over it please let me know. i could do with some support! good luck to anyone trying to beat it. xx ↑ |
| Name: sopranogirl4life | Date: Oct 14th, 2008 11:35 PM |
| Hi... i am 20 years old and i started being bulimic a year ago october. I was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome and i have to take birthcontrol pills to regulate my hormones. When you have this disorder it causes you to have alot of testosterone and you gain weight and don't get your period. When i started the birth control pills two years ago it helped dramatically. I was 195 pounds and now i am 125 pounds. At first i lost the weight from biking and the birthcontrol pills.. and was happy.. but then.. i didn't think i was skinny enough. As a kid i was under weight and very skinny.. and i was used to that. I didn't know i had the disease until the summer of 06 (the summer of the year i graduated) and thats when they perscribed the birth control pills. I went from 90 pounds my freshman year of highschool to 196 my senior year. So when i lost the weight to about 160 pounds i was still not happy. I kept riding my bike all the time, and i hardly ever ate.. but yet i still ate what i liked. Then at one point i hit 150 pounds and i didn't think i had lost the weight fast enough. So that October of 2007 I would throw up after i ate. I never ate alot. I would only eat like small amounts. Here is the average day... I would get up in the morning.. and i wouldn't eat anything.. I would take my birthcontrol pill and thats all. I was never hungry really. I knew that i had to eat something so i would go to the fridge at around 12pm (i would get up from sleeping like 11am) and look for anything that looked good. Usually i would grab some milk and grab a bowl and have 1 bowl of cereal. Then i would throw it up in the bathroom using only one finger. My boyfriend likes Mcdonalds.. and so do i.. and we would go and eat.. i would usually get a double cheesburger and a medium fry with a soda. I would usually drink more than i ate which got me full faster than usual cuz of all the fluid in my stomach, which made it easier to throw up. Then i would tell my boyfriend that i had to go to the bathroom. When i would get into the bathroom at mcdonalds i would make sure there was no one else in the bathroom with me.. then i would get on my knew and use my finger. It wouldn't take much. And when my stomach felt fully empty i would flush the toilet. Then i would go to the mirror.. splash my face with water..and then dry my face off. My boyfriend would see that my face was a little red sometimes when i would go to the bathroom in other fastfood restaraunts and i would tell him that i "wasn't feeling well". and he would leave it at that. But i knew that he would start to get suspicious. So then when he would offer to go out to eat i would tell him i wasn't hungry. Now i am still bulimic, but for some reason i have problems making myself throw up now. Now i have to use two fingers, which doesn't even work that well.. and i have actually gained weight.. I was at 110 pounds and now i am at 125. I hate my body. But i don't want to stop throwing up.. its addicting, and yet i hate it at the same time. I also find it harder to throw up cuz my parents know i am bulimic and so does my boyfriend now. I keep a black trash bag down in my room and when ever i get a chance i try to throw up.. And now i eat alot alot more.. It makes me sick to my stomach even thinking about it. I also can tell its affecting my teeth already, they are very sensitive, and my throat hurts and i am always depressed. I take meds now for depression, and they never stay down anyway. I am at a loss i suppose.. hope someone replies... ↑ |
| Name: grace_p | Date: May 15th, 2009 3:21 PM |
| well done for putting that up there, i have recently just admitted i am bulimic:/ its not nicee, but when i have made myself sick i fell so much better too. well done again, much luckxx ↑ |
| Name: sueness | Date: Jun 8th, 2009 6:49 PM |
| Hi guys, this is my first time writing, Im so xtremely greatful for the blunt honesty of how devestating bulimia is. Ive been in this ragging war since the age of 7, im now 35. hard to believe that with all the health problems, including 2 heart attacks,kidney and liver screwed, no teeth, and all other complications that arise. If anyone wants a real conversation but non judgemental,empathetic yak, id love to chat. Ive found that although its a secretive shame evoking demon, its helped me to not hide the truth, Anywho take care all of you, stay strong, arohanui sueness ↑ |
| Name: Carly-Ree | Date: Jul 14th, 2009 3:22 AM |
| Lucie, I just want to say thank-you so much for posting this on the site. I can strongly relate to every single thing you wrote as I am in the exact same position. It actaully scared me how much correlation I found between your life and mine when I was reading through each passage. My bulimic behavior started early last year and though I have tried and tried to end it, I cant. Each time I binge/ puge I tell myself 'this will be the last time'... sometimes I even overdose on laxatives so that I can rid all the left-overs and have that 'starting fresh' sense of feeling. Please know you are not alone. All the best with everything. Carly. ↑ |
| Name: somedaysoon | Date: Jul 20th, 2009 1:56 PM |
| Hey Lucie I still can't type that I'm bulimic as I guess I'm still in denial but I do know that I do have some sort of problem. I can't seem to stop eatin or feel full. Today for example I woke up at 6. I try to be a proactive person and though 'great, a chance to actually fill my day doing productive things as I feel so awake!!' so I got up and went downstairs. then I started my breakfast.. :(. ended up eatin a bowl of crunchy nut.. then muesli..then rhubarb crumble with ice cream... then another bowl of crunchy nut. like when you're eatin your brain doesn't tell you to stop or that you're full . in fact ya'v never felt hunger like it! so ya keep goin and then ya realise what you've just done and you feel crap. I think all that eatin made me tired so I went bak to bed and woke again at 11. then I had two cheese ,ham and tomato sandwiches and ANOTHER bowl of musli. so obviously even tho it is now 7 o clock I'm not hungy. would love to not eat dinner but then my mum wud get suspicious. so now am eatin to make sure she never finds out my problem. it's awful!! because i know ill be tempted to throw up after this feed... am goin downstairs now to the table... :( i want to talk to you more because you seem to be in a lot deeper than me. and i just want someone that knows how it feels to talk to me. I've never told anyone, ever ↑ |
| Name: somedaysoon | Date: Jul 20th, 2009 2:34 PM |
| ok I've just eaten and actually managed to not stuff myself to the brim. I feel alright. and i think ,even tho I ate home barbequed chicken kebabs with pitta bread and 6 squares of dairy milk afterwards, that I won't throw up. Am hopin that by not throwin up today then tomorro i will kno it's not an option and i won't overeat. am determined to be normal again (even tho no one knos anyways). that's why am called ''somedaysoon'' because some day soon I'm goin to be 100% . maybe it will be today!!!! ↑ |
| Name: Amyjf1217 | Date: Aug 13th, 2009 12:33 PM |
| Hello, I am 23 years old. When I was about 17, I wanted to lose weight and my friend told me she threw up her food and it worked. So I tried it too, and she was right. It made me feel so much better about myself. However, I do not get addicted to this and I can easily stop. I tend to find doing this is such an inconvenience and a hassle (always trying to hide it from people, it's messy, etc..) Now I am 23 and I have gained a lot of weight. I go to the gym about 3 times a week but I absolutely love food! It's all I think about. Since the gym wasn't really showing any results, I started throwing up my food again (just my dinner though, not breakfast or lunch). However, I have been having trouble throwing up certain things. I eat dinner and drink a lot of fluids in between bites but it still doesn't seem like everything comes out of me and it gets me so frustrating because I had just binged on all of this fattening food and now it's going to stay inside of me!! Any suggestions?? I know drinking lots of fluid helps, but does anyone else know what I am talking about? ↑ |
| Name: eleni_s | Date: Aug 25th, 2009 3:16 AM |
| well....i have been bulimic for 2 and a half years....some days i dont eat at all....nothing for breakfast...only luch ( a lot of it ) and then toothbrash in my throat to take it out.....somedays its so bad i make my self sick 20! times.....i feel death approaching me....my hands tremble....i am usually dizzy....i cant stand this anymore...and i cant do nything...its my addiction....my death,,,,i am 1.73 and 54 kg....i want to be 45 kg but i will never manage that... ↑ |
| Name: NotSoLuckyGirl | Date: Sep 7th, 2009 12:42 PM |
| Thanks for posting. I just found this site and hope that I find friends on here that can help. I have had thid disorder for 30 years and want to sop. counseling has not helped. Has anyone been successful. Your typical day has been mine for 20 years. It seems like such a waste all the time obseesing with food I would not wish this on anyone. Please if anyone has recovered any hints or help is appreciated. ↑ |
| Name: Brooke shae | Date: Sep 15th, 2009 12:32 PM |
| hey im Brooke, and im only 18 and its been over a year now since i became bulimic, all i want to do is talk about it and get help but im afraid if i tell ill regret it when they really try to make me stop, im afraid of nothing more than being fat, im only 130pds but that seems so HUGE to me, but yet i cant stop eating a load full and throwing it up. how much did telling your story help? ↑ |
