| Name: musicrockrice77178 | Date: Apr 24th, 2008 10:26 PM |
| she's looking for attention, we should know, we are teenagers. Get her into something that gives her positive attention. Try to find out why she's cutting though, talk to her friends about it, tell them you are concerned and warn your daughter that this is deadly. It's so great that we stumbled upon your forum because we are working on a sermon about this very issue for our church. Talk to her and let her know how much you mean to her. ↑ |
| Name: 30mom24 | Date: Apr 28th, 2008 11:32 AM |
My daughter, 16, started cutting herself out of the clear blue when she was 14. She has just celebrated her one year anniversary of NO CUTTING. Why do they do it? Low self-esteem, the lack of belonging or being good enough. too high of expectations not being met, etc.
Prayers helped my daughter. We never had professional help - it was a long tough year but we made it and came out closer as a family. Hope this helped. ↑ |
| Name: emilyyyyy993 | Date: May 21st, 2008 3:42 PM |
| i agree wit melrose08. i am 14 and i know that in highschool, you dont really want to show off your cuts cuz people dont really get it. and like those cat scratch things are just show. if she was really into it they would be deeper and stuff. plus, maybe if you took a step out of her life she wouldnt feel you putting so much stress on her. my mom doesnt know that i cut and the reasons i do cut is school, boys, and her. if you take a couple steps back and let her breathe it'll help. cuz i know that i cut cuz like i feel like i have the weight of the world on top of me and i cant get out of it and when my mom tries to "talk about it" she just makes it worse cuz i feel like i have to please her now. And maybe she feels like she doesnt fit in so by dressing that way she is making herself outside of the crowd so it doesnt hurt so bad when they dont choose her cuz she is "controlling" it. idk, just try giving her some space. ↑ |
| Name: Kasey | Date: Jun 4th, 2008 8:46 PM |
| cutting is usually a sign of depression to "help" deal with pain or self hatred. But the fact that she is showing the cuts off doesnt fit the normal profile of a "cutter." usually cutters keep them hidden and are embarassed to show them. It sounds to me that she is reaching out for attention for whatever reason. maybe shes lashing out due to too much pressure. Maybe pressure from being in the older siblings shadow? It does sound like a cry for help ↑ |
| Name: abster | Date: Jul 11th, 2008 9:26 PM |
yeah no problem im glade i could help
sry i havent been on in soo long
how are you and your daughter doing now?
oh and i got a new email_feel free to e-mail me @ Xangry_soulX@yahoo.com ↑ |
| Name: blackangel1056 | Date: Jul 14th, 2008 8:25 PM |
| i started cutting myself when i was 12. a cutter that doesnt do it for attention does whatever they can to hide it and pretend that everything is ok. if someone proudly shows their work than they are crying out for some kind of attention. therapy and medication dont always work. actually some medications have been known to cause suicidal tendancies and ideations so be careful of that. in time the situation will get better, it jus takes a long time. im now 23 and i still struggle everyday with urges. jus never forget that there is always hope. ↑ |
| Name: XxEmoBitchxX | Date: Aug 19th, 2008 1:15 PM |
Why dont you try talkin to her!!!
Teens cut for reasons.. Not juss to be cool w/e
I been cutting since 5th grade... "5 years" And i do it for a reason...
So maybe you should try talkin to her.. ↑ |
| Name: margo | Date: Aug 25th, 2008 6:55 AM |
| i did go though this one also we had ti take her to bnlooming hopital and she was supose to stay there for two week but she knows her awat witrh doctoirs so she only stay a week she thought it was fun she meet other peoplein there and a biot of course but that was long distance sio that sdidnt last but she quit for whila thgem did it again because of a boy she told me it rtook away the hurt of things of couse i didnt ubdrstand, then sge got tired of seeing the scas on her arms she finally quit but it had noithn=ing to do with me or anyvosy else she said it was something she had control of and nobody else, but she hasnr done it for along time she was 13 when she firast dine it she is 18 now and hadnt done it since she was 14 i was scared to death but we made it though it just asnother one of her thingsd i mean we went though everything with her if you have anything else you would like to talk aboit to me just write i will tell you the truth about eveything ok.nye for now... ↑ |
| Name: yearwok | Date: Aug 25th, 2008 8:27 AM |
| I am in the same situation with my 14 yearold - she kept her cutting hidden for almost a year. she cuts her legs it leaves bad scarrs that she wont show me or anyone else. She sees a psych. and therapist but lies to both, she is on medication, we try talking to her her but she wont discuss what is causing her "pain" she has had a wonderful life, never abused in any way but still has "issues" She also went from bubbly to morose but it was more after she met this boy at school. I've found love notes to him with messages written in her blood from her cutting . I live in fear every moment of the day. This boy has a Columbine personality, he cuts and has threatened to kill my daughter, hmself and all of their friends. It's not a faze or fad - this is an epidemic!! I'm glad to see noites from others that have moved past this but my daughter indicates that cutting is an addition and is very hard to break. If you find something that works, please post - I need help - we are looking into residential Christian schools or moving her to family out of state to get her away from these influences but it appears it's every where. good luck ↑ |
| Name: margo | Date: Aug 25th, 2008 8:53 AM |
| about this cutting thing my daughter started doing it around 13 soon after hitting middle school i am kind of scared my son wil do it nut at lest i do know some of the sngs but i am sure i dont know them all..when i daughter was doing it yes i took her to the doctors she kew how to sweet talk them so she always got out early so i leaned things on my own like theys wilwera rubberbands around wera they cut and you dont even thjink about that so i would checck there she finally got tired of that and quit wearing them i would check other places allso. the cotors put her on meds i watcxhed her on that allso she would put them in her mouth and not swa;;ow the so i had to check in her mouth inder er togue and all then i woyld find them in the trush cans and even out bye the burn biurals were we burn the trust so that was working it was like almos a game for her. and this goth thing before i forget my daughter was far from being goth so in her cause nothing goth about her..i think peope like to try to gihure things out because they dnt know there self but i dont think goth is one that is just like they was they dress...also where i live when you get a serten age you dont have to take depression pils if you dopnt ant to...this woerld is a -----up world they want kids to takes pills to just stay in htere sets nothing even wrtong eith them this just my appionant i know i didnt spell that right but i am sure you know what i mean..i hvae veeb up allnight so sorry about so of the spelling..i am 47 years old...we have been to hell and back with my daughter yes i think some was for attention but some was just cause she could do it to her self and nobody could do nothing abput it...we talked alot about it and she said it released pain what ever she was going thpugh that day a school and you know middle school is cruel to alot of kids..she thought she had to have name brand clothj to fit in mor whatever hat day so she would come home cut and go about her business she was in softball,volleyball,dance,basketball,you name it she done it but some of the kids relly got to her..so no more doctor i worked though it with her the best i could and we made it she quit it like what am i doing this...pills arent allwasys the answer..for the girls that are thinking abnout doing it or ae doing iot please write me anytime i will try to help the best way i can even if that neabs just having someone to talk to my daughter whjo is 18 now might be ablw to help buy ploese try not to start ok?there is alot ore that goes alonmg with this but i dont know hopw long they let the pages go..parents if you are not looking for this you wont see or find this esp. if the girl or boy is doing real good at schoo;l; sa friends out the butt and all propular and all you wont see it..because sometimes that is wjho is doing iot...maybe someone ans hekp me out also mu son they say is adhd so i am really worried about him i dont think he will cut but not sure he knows his sister did buit i har bnoys do different stuff so i dnt know yet about that...i am keeping my eyes out but that dont allways work..like i sia we have been though everything with my daughter here isnt bithing she hasnt done but i stay rught there with her and still there sge is going to be 19 here soon still leaving at home she has 2 months of school let and now she is pregant abd yes we tasked about all of the se thiongs i am very open with all i wont them to be able to come and talk to me abput anything al all..i will tell them the truth...yes my kids have a stepfather my son calls hiom dad my daughter calls im everything but that unill 13 middleschool then things changed everything changed...she wantd his last mane and all then it was last she changed over nihgt...will like i said if the is anybody who wants to talk just write me...mwhallon@webtv.net or on her its up to u bye for now ↑ |
| Name: BetterDays | Date: Sep 8th, 2008 4:03 AM |
Have you taken her to a Church with a lot of youth her age?
I had bad experiences when I was in Youth, but I found God a year ago. He keeps me going. I do cut once and awhile, but feel shamed to show it off.
Keep open with her. Don't baby or spoil her, but take her our for some Mother and Daughter time. Make sure she knows you love her.
Saint Augustine said "Preach the Gospel, use words if necessary".
Do the same, but Love, use words if necessary.
Never blame yourself. It is her choices. You can only work on the present and the future. Just love.
Also check out
TWLOHA.com
myspace.com/t
owriteloveonherarms
That
is where you will find the best help, next to God.
Love Always,
Better days. ↑ |
| Name: biteme | Date: Nov 12th, 2008 12:45 PM |
| Listen, I know its hard and you are just concerned about your daughter, but you need to realise what she is going through. In a cutters mind, they do not believe they need help and the truth is they actually dont (especially the fact that her cuts are so shallow). Cutters dont need pyschological help, there is nothing wrong with them mentally, the worst thing for a cutter is to tell them that they need help and that they need to stop...because it is a way of life once you start cutting and it actually results in cutters becoming more upset if you tell them that they have to stop and that they are simply not allowed to cut themselves anymore....to be honest a cutter wants to be left alone they dont want to be continiously consulted by people, its a very hard thing to talk about and it is very very personal and not an easy subject (I know this because I myself am fourteen and too a cutter)....so think youshould just leave her alone for now...after all it is her body...and also think about the fact that she may be doing it for attention because i isnt normal for a cutter to show there cuts unless its for attention because usually a cutters life revolves around hiding cuts... ↑ |
| Name: XxXsuicidalCHAIOSxXx | Date: Nov 14th, 2008 5:18 PM |
im 14,and cut myself but i choose to its an option and alotta teens nw r doin it just to rebel against u parents and once u stick em in therapy their gunna get pissed.....pardon my language lol but honestly ALOT of teens dnt wana tlk about their feelings and y their doin the things their doin ...my parents neva stuck me in therapy but my grandmother is a therapist and she tlked to me once and well i havent tlked to her for a long time just cuz therepy is stupid if u dnt have mental problems which if u do then thats the best option to get help but im gettin off subject dnt tel her no and be a tough luv mom just b kewl wit it she'll quit wen she thinks u dnt care anymore she's probably doin it just to make u mad .....fyi alot of kids r lke that.
hope i help and if u disagree wit wat i say.....well i dnt reallly care so yea.............
XxXxXxXxXxXxX
xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
↑ |
| Name: Nikki08 | Date: Nov 15th, 2008 9:25 PM |
As a 14 year old cutter, I know a few tips. But, reading that I don't know if they wil help. Ok, have your daughter read this:
I have been a cutter and I know how you feel. You feel alone, and useless. But in fact, your parents, school staff and your friends all care. There are other ways to get out how you feel. Talk to someone about how you feel. Here is a thing that I learned. Two different ways that feel like you are cutting but you aren't. Try an ice cube on your wrist or snapping a rubber band on your wrist. It feels just like cutting.
Back to mom:
Your daughter seems to be suffering from depression and there are medications out there that can help. I recomend inpatient, that way you can make sure that she gets on medications for depression. I am on a medication for depression and it is helping me. Cutting is NOT a phase and many parents go through that but if you don't inpatient her, I don't know what else to say. Sending her to the hospital will help her, by learning new coping skills other then the serious cutting phase. Again, I am a 14 year old cutter that is trying hard to stop because I know that there are many people that care. Your daughter can stop cutting if she knows what to do. And knows that many people care. I don't know much else to say, and I have said as much as I can say. I hope this helps a little. ↑ |
| Name: nikki17 | Date: Nov 16th, 2008 9:44 PM |
I'm 16, and I know you're prob thinking what do I know being I'm so young. But trust me I used to be a real cutter and I had reasons behind it and everything. You would have never thought I cut myself because I hid it from everyone and still smiled.
If she's showing them off and wearing all black chances are she wants the attention, every child goes through the "emo" phase. I went through it too.
she wouldn't be cutting unless she had a reason to, and if she had a legit reason to then she wouldn't be showing them to other kids ↑ |
| Name: Curriesis3 | Date: Jan 9th, 2009 11:04 AM |
| Hello, my husband of 25 years and I have recently been told by a close friend of our 13 year old daughter that our daughter has admitted to cutting herself on a few separate occasions. Our daughter is the youngest of 4, with 3 older brothers. She was very loved on, had plenty of real attention, etc. while growing up. We were VERY, VERY, close. About a year into puberty, (age 11), she totally changed, and doesn't want a whole lot to do with me. My husband, her dad, says she is VERY normal for her age. I am a stay at home mom, always have been. She home schools. She is a Christian, and has a wonderful group of friends that she is very close to and sees all the time. We have known these girls since they were small, and they are over often. There is no dating as of yet, and she is pretty much fine with that. She was willing to talk with us about the cutting, and said it was a release for the stress she felt. She doesn't want to do it anymore, and hasn't for awhile. I suggested we try to help her figure out a healthy way to deal with her emotions, because she will always have some level of stress, etc... Life happens. I am feeling frustrated with her (trying not to show it), because I feel that she has sooooo many advantages in her life that others don't. A stable family who love her deeply. She doesn't have any physical problems... I don't know. She is a great kid. I appreciated barbaras coments on Jan 16th of 2006. They made sense, and I agreed with her. Anyone out there have any advice, wisdom... Thanks, concerned Mom ↑ |
| Name: katierocks | Date: Jan 19th, 2009 2:17 PM |
| My daughter just told me the night befire last she was cutting herself with safety pins. I was understanding and asked her where, She said on her wrists and her hands, I asked her why. She said that when she gets mad. I talked to her for 20 min and told her i love her and that i wont tell anyone and we will work it out together. She agreed, the next am she had scratches on her chin and i didnt notice until she pointed it out to me. I asked her what happenend and she said she fell at school. well it has been a 4 day weekend and i know that it is a lie. I confronted her about the scratch later and she said she did it. I asked her why she had no answer. WHY WOULD SHE SHOW ME UNLESS SHE JUST WANTS ATTENTION???? I told her she has until this weekend to tell me what the real prob is and if i see anymore i will put her in the hosp/ SHe says that she has been doing it for years which i know is a lie cause she had a bad case of ringworm and i had to put medicine all over and there were no scars Or cuts. I told her i would get her a piercing for her 15 b day and she said no cause it will hurt. Im confused. IS SHE PLAYING ME???? ↑ |
| Name: raychelrampagex | Date: Jan 30th, 2009 1:11 AM |
Barbara is completely right. You need to find out what is making her cut. Cutting a way of relieving pain. Distracting yourself from the mental pain, with physical. It seems unusual and insane actually, but it is completely normal for a teenager of her age in this day to be doing it.
When I was that age, I had MANY friends who cut themselves.
If she has a journal or something of this nature, you may want to snoop. Don't let her know you're doing it unless you find something that concerns you.
Let your daughter know that if she needs someone to talk to you, she should come to you. Be her friend for a moment, not a mother. Let her know you're worried and you want to be the best friend she has. To talk to you. When she has the urge to cut, bury her face in your chest the way she used to when she was little. ↑ |
| Name: Kari kluti | Date: Apr 4th, 2009 5:26 PM |
| Hi my name is kari and I know what you feel like. Your stressed too but nothing can help. Let me give you some advice as a councler at 13 years old. I am 13 years old too see of you can get your daughter to talk to me and i swear this is ligit! I am not like other people i was a baby enistine so i know a ton on counsling jut not that great a spelling. Please let me help she just might need to talk to another 13 year old that does not go to her school! ↑ |
| Name: karelg | Date: Apr 8th, 2009 3:07 PM |
If she is going through proper treatment & therapy, then as a parents you also need to look for the other possible matters that can cause or disturb her or in reaction she do self-harm. Self-mutilating behaviors vary widely. Some people cut themselves. Some burn. Some may pull out hair or eyelashes. Whatever the behaviors, they are quite unsettling for parents to deal with. There are people who are truly suffering from self-abuse/harm, and its not a phase that disappears eventually, Please don't assume that your child will "get over it" if you see signs of self-mutilating behaviors. While some teens do, in effect, move on from these patterns of behavior, some do not, and some may escalate.
Do some possible analysis on the type of things that can distract her from anger behavior, and periodically checking her attitude in different matters will help a lot in her improvement.
Helpful Source: [a href="http://www.parentingteens.com/index/T
roubled+Teens/Self-Abuse+in+Teenagers"]Self
Abuse in Teenagers[/a] ↑ |
| Name: HopeConquresAll | Date: Jun 27th, 2009 9:19 PM |
| I feel I have to answer this for all parents who have kids that cut. Iam 14 years old and starting cutting at 12. For a young girl, I've been through alot. Cutting was the one thing that was regular and made me feel better. I got into drugs and started smoking pot and cigarettes. Therapy doesnt work, baker acting your kid doesnt work. All he/she wants is love. Be the parent your kid can go to with anything, most cutters have been sexually abused or rapped and they felt they couldnt go to their parents for help. Thats what happened to me, and to this day I still dont have the help to keep my razor off my wrists. ↑ |
| Name: choppshoney | Date: Jul 1st, 2009 11:42 PM |
| I'm 15. The only reason I made an account on this thing is because I saw your post, thought I could help. I have been struggling with self harm for such a long time. No, it isnt just a phase, no, she probably is not doing it for attention. Yeah, there are some cases where it just is a phase and for attention, but usually, that is not the case. I understand what is going on because I have experienced the same emotions she probably is. I struggled with self harm for a very long time, and this past April, it got to the point where I tried suicide. No, I didnt do it "for attention". There are so many complex things going through your daughters mind. Her showing people at school is probably a form of her asking for help. You need to get her help. Find someone who specializes in self harm and makes sure that they see your daughter at least a few times a week to begin with. If it is really, really bad, I know how hard it might be to do this, but you have to send her somewhere to get help. If you hospitalize her, she will eventually cooperate. I've been hospitalized and it really did help. You probably have no idea what is going on in her head, because I am assuming you have not been a cutter in the past, so you need to find someone that DOES know what is going on in her head. So, look, I dont know if you want to take the advice of a 15 year old, but trust someone who has been through similar things. ↑ |
| Name: XxXsuicidalCHAIOSxXx | Date: Jul 15th, 2009 5:02 PM |
im a teen, and i do the same thing, my mum and dad sent me to a hospital for emotional treatment and all that and yea it helped for that period of time but once i got back home and went back into that same enviorment it just happened again, i never showed off what i did to myself cause i was ashamed of it to be honest like the burns on my back and the cuts on my wrists but i did that as a way to relieve my anger and all. its very addicting and really hard to stop. im on medication but that doesnt always help. i live in a small town so i cant really change the group of people who i call my friends but maybe if you show your daughter what she's doing can become a very serious addiction and usually ends up negatively like if you go to deep and hit a vein. iv had 3 friends who has done that and its sad. but iv done this since i was 12 and now im 15 almost 16 and iv been in hospitals and emergency rooms multiple times for this.
i dont cut alot like a used to now its just like 2-3 times a week but compared to what it used to b this is a huge improvement but just talk with your daughter and show her what happens if she continues this, hopefully its not an addiction for her maybe its just for attention spend more time with her ↑ |
| Name: Vixx | Date: Jul 23rd, 2009 1:49 PM |
| Hi. I'm fifteen years old, and to whoever said that maybe she's become a goth, sorry but you need to pay attention to todays stereotypes and the kids that follow them. The kids that want to be goth or whatever usually think that cutting is part of the scene. Goth has nothing to do with self harm, it's just a style of music. I cut myself for about 5 years, and it doesn't mean I was goth. Ask her whats wrong. Sit down and have a long chat with her and remind her how proud she makes you and how much you love her. Maybe you have some troubles at home, it isn't my place to ask, but assure her they aren't her fault and she isnt to blame. Maybe she's being bullied, or maybe she just thinks it's cool. I did it through general depression, and the scars I have today are just a reminder of my stupidity, you need to tell her that it isnt cool, it isnt something to be proud of and to show off. She will be fine though. I'm fine, and I realise what I did was ridiculously stupid. Maybe sending her to a psych ward has made her think that you dont trust her and that you're dissapointed, which you very well should be. Just be there for her, make conversation, take her out somewhere, just you and her. Quality time should do some good. ↑ |
| Name: andrew lingle | Date: Sep 3rd, 2009 12:55 AM |
hey sandy
my name is andrew and im 19 i am and have been a cutter for 4 years and i never planed it to take over my life.
i know you are scared for your daughter because my mom is scared for me.
im not gonna say i have the cure or anything like that but im sure i can give you the answers to any question you have about cutting and what probably going on with your girl. well at least in the mind. i would like you to call me if you can my number is 7047182266. i fell that i could help you alot and anyone whos reading this call fell free to call me also.
i also go to all the middle and high schools in my area and talk with the kids about this serious problem that is growing at a alarming rate. some are just starting because they think it is cool. ITS IS NOT COOL. AND ITS NOT A GAME! it is a very serious problem and the scareist thing is that its REAL the pain is REAL the problems razor baldes the blood and lonliness is all so REAL and its even scary for the cutter. most of the time we cant tell you the problem or whats going on ourselves because we are the abuser and the victim at the same time. SO I URGE ALL WHO READ THIS AND HAVE ANY QUESTIONS OR HAVE A CHILD OR THINK THEIR CHILD IS CUTTIN TO CALL ME ASAP BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHICH CUT WILL BE 2 DEEP AND MEAN DEATH AND I CERTIANLY DONT WANT THAT SO PLZ CALL AT 7047182266 MY PHONE IS ALWAYS BY MY SIDE SO YOU CAN CALL ME 24HRS A DAY IT DOESNT MATTER IF IM ASLEEP BECAUSE IF I HAVE 2 WAKE UP AND IT SAVES SOMEONES LIFE ITS A PRICE IM GLAD 2 PAID.
God bless you all and ill have yall in my prayers.
andrew (7047182266) ↑ |
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