Name: sandy Title: 13 Year Old Cutting Herself

Can anyone help me? I feel like I am loosing my mind! As the mom of a 17 year old and a 13 year old.... I need advise on the whole cutting issue. My 13 year old has been cutting herself (nothing major - similar to cat scratches) for the last 18 months. We have tried outpatient therapy (a two week stint at a local teen psych hospital, she came home every night) and we have also tried weekly counseling. Nothing works! I just received a call today from the school principal, now she is going to the school and "showing off" the fresh cuts to other 8th graders. Obviously, the school is concerned, she went from cute, bubbly and happy, to wearing all black, etc in a matter of a year! I don't understand what I am doing wrong. Inside, I feel like this is a phase, that will pass, but I have read otherwise. If you have done hospitalization, and intense therapy and nothing works.....what do I do next? HELP!!!!!  ?

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Name: barbara • Date: 01/16/2006 06:51:59

You have to get behind the cutting. You have to figure out why she's cutting, once you alleviate that issue, getting her to stop will be easier. I am anorexic and last year it got so severe, that i started cutiing myself. By taking care of my issues, and anorexia, the cause of my cutting, i have been successfully able to stop cutting. it alseo sounds like she is suffering from depression. There are a lot of meds that really help- and don't be embarrassed to ask. Tell your daughter it's very common and the success rate is very high of curing the cutting. But first you have to figure out the underlying cause- my guess is that is due to depression.

an 18-year old who suffered a lot yet still came out on top!(tell this to your daughter. tell her i am praying for her)  =

Name: Cheri • Date: 01/16/2006 15:51:19

I have a 15 yr old daughter who has been cutting for a couple of years. She uses whatever is available to "cut" on her arms, legs, stomach. Not too deep, but enough to scar. We didn't know what to do when we first learned about this. We tried discipline, started her on anti-depressants and took her to a counselor that specialized in teens. She refused to talk and answered all questions with "yes," "no" or "I don't know." It was very frustrating! I eventually learned that "I don't know" meant probably yes. Anyway, we stopped taking her as she refused to cooperate. The cutting continued. This last November, she was hospitalized for 10 days for suicidal ideations. She admitted to being depressed and was finally okay with medications and counseling. It was very difficult. Still is. She's better, I think. But she's still not very willing to talk to us for whatever reason. I think she pretends to take her meds. I used to think all this was a phase. Not anymore. It's serious - a cry for help, even if she doesn't realize it. Continue to take her to therapy and talk to her if she'll let you. Otherwise, just tell her you are there for her and always will be. I know it hurts, but I'm starting to realize that there's only so much you can do. Hang in there.  =

Name: Sandy • Date: 01/17/2006 13:06:23

Cheri,
Thanks so much for the hopeful response. I seem to feel we are both in the same "boat". Your line about "there is only so much you can do" is pretty much where I am right now. Thanks again for letting me know there are others out there just like me!  =

Name: stephanie • Date: 01/20/2006 20:08:08

sandy
your doing nothening wrong its her maybe she is going throgh a drepressing time or maybe the boy she loves is beening mean just have a talk to her and see what she has to say  =

Name: bex • Date: 02/01/2006 10:56:57

im 13 and i have plenty of friends that cut... dont worrie... even i have needed theropy, but i got ok when everyone BUTTED OUT!  =

Name: craig • Date: 02/01/2006 12:57:45

tell her to stop cuttin her self and give her wat she wants tell her that u will get her any thin if she stops cutting herself  =

Name: heather • Date: 02/04/2006 02:50:15

That whole middle school age is a very confusing time, that's actually when i strarted cutting. I'm 17 and have long since grown out of it but i just thought you might like to know that even though it seems shocking and odd to you...its really not all that uncommon. Through middle school A LOT of the other girls cut, not just friends of mine but girls i didn't even hang out with. Some are just a little more discreate than others. The fact that she shows them off is actually reassuring in a way, it means shes either just doing this to be cool, or it's a cry for help. If its the cool factor she'll probably realize just how uncool it is by her sophmore year in high school (at the latest) and if she wants help, well you can give it too her. I strongly recomend getting her on antidepressents. When you're a young teenage girl sometimes every problem just seems huge, anti depressents can help her cope. I'm very thankful my parents got me on them, and they're glad too they said after i started taking them that "they're little girl was comeing back" ....Also the whole goth thing she'll probably get over by highschool as well, for some reason when your 13 it seems 'cool' to hate life. I for one, look back to when i was a little gothic middle school girl who cut herself and i don't even recongnize her anymore. im sure ur daughter will grow outa it.  =

Name: connor • Date: 02/05/2006 11:15:07

take her on a trip 4 a weak by her self and realy treat her and chek if shes being bullyd  =

Name: I been there • Date: 02/09/2006 08:21:22

I am 19 almost 20 I been there and I have done that I will say that I have been to therapy and evey thing I was told by some it was for attention to stop but I had really no clue I was doing it my mind will go blank and I will come too and I'd feel it under my jacket and look and there it was.. I was finally told that I had what is called multi personality but it comes out when things stessed me way too much I got it fixed up and I am fine. I have a son and I look at those scars and think that one day when he gets older he'll ask what is that from and I can't tell him that I did it my self and I got to I can't lie tell her that one day she'll have kids and look at them years down the road (especcaly if they are big nasty and bad looking ones) that she'll look at them and wish they were not there because she is 20 30 what ever and they are still there I know and am positive she'll say I don't care but in her mind she will and well That sometimes works. Good luck  =

Name: to sandy • Date: 02/09/2006 11:23:10

It's like anorexia. Find a specialist who deals in cutting. If in US contact Dr. Phil  =

Name: Karen • Date: 02/09/2006 11:32:23

Self-injury, particularly cutting, is a secret plague among young people across the country as a way to cope with inner turmoil. Some burn themselves. Some hit. Most cut. They say it eases their emotional pain, clears their minds or calms them down.
Some use cutting as self-punishment. Others do it to assert control when everything seems to be spiraling out of control.

Anorexia is similar disordered state of mind.

Cutting, or self-injury is common among those who are afflicted with some mental disorders, like bipolar, severe depression, borderline personality, schizophrenia, anxiety, PTSD, and also among those who have experienced severe trauma, like abuse or sexual molestation. What all these disorders or illnesses have in common is they all cause the sufferer to experience extremely deep, horrific internal turmoil, anguish and pain. Some, who are able to verbalize their thoughts on cutting, have said that the pain caused by the razor blade changes the focus of the pain to something external, something that can be seen ... and dealt with. A distraction, if only temporary, from the incurable internal pain. There's an old joke about a fellow who is complaining endlessly about a toothache. His fed-up wife finally stomps on his foot. As he hops around tending to his wounded foot, she says, "Now that old tooth doesn't hurt as much, does it?"

Find a specialist who really knows what they are doing not just ordinary therapist.  =

Name: lilpoppab • Date: 02/10/2006 21:38:00

I THINK IF SHE WANTS TO BE A BIG HOT SHOT LET HER .SHE' S LIVIN HER LIFE NOT YOURS SO LET HER NO THAT YOUR THERE FOR HER ,IF YOU NEED ANYTHING EMAIL ME ILL TELL YOU WHAT TO DO .HAVE A NICE WEEKEND....  =

Name: emerald • Date: 02/11/2006 08:07:22

your daughter is probably just trying to get attention  =

Name: kirsty • Date: 02/12/2006 06:43:47

i dont know much but i am 13years old and i used to cut my self and had to go to hospital to get stiches i did it for 2years
i did it because i was getting bullied and i was upset no one to talk to.so try asking her all of these and try talking to her if this doesnt work i dont know what will  =

Name: ive done it • Date: 02/12/2006 11:50:43

Hi im 17 years old and i was cutting my self from the age of 12 cause of my step dad beeting me and noone believeing me ( my own family). my cuts were deep and depresing and my family tried everything to make me stop , but the more they tried the more i did it. when i hit the age of 15 there was kids in school who were called ( swetys ) who just did it for fun and pain cause of the things they watched on the tv - slipnot ect. but i aint saying that your daughters doing it for that. there could be somone shes against in the family or someone she truley likes but cant have , but 1 day she will relise what shes been doing to her self like i did and things will go back to normal. but it will take time. rite now you just need to act normal around her .... dont act paniky or upset infront of her cause it will make her want to do it more. trust me ive been threw it all. And going to the hospital and making her talk to strangers will just get her angry and tempted. all she needs is someone to talk to who she truley trusts and can talk to in a normal chilling way. But dont think strate away that the person is you cause it aint always apart of the family who they believe in.just give her some space and time to think threw.
just sit down and think of the people she hans around with at school or after school cause they could always be the ones that got her into this. but dont think it is strate away cause it mite not be. I realy do hope things will turn out good for you and your daughter and if you ever need to talk im always here for you .
but if enything does seriously get to you just tex or phone me - 07747399536. i mite only be 17 but ive been threw it for 5 years and at the end i got threw it by myself. and ive always got the time to chat to you about enything take care x x x Rhiannon x x x  =

Name: Aaron • Date: 02/14/2006 10:54:15

Lol Dont panic your daughter is a goth ! Goths enjoy the darker side of life death blood etc........ Goths are like depressed but their not really depressed their like uhhhhhhh So cutting herself is sort of a gothic thing you cant make her stop, she'll stop it herself when shes done with this goth thing, its just a fase belive me im an emo personally ( Goth / Punk ).  =

Name: Andi • Date: 02/14/2006 14:52:35

I have friends who cut themselves. I don't know why they want to because they have great lives. people vut themselves because they can't deal with things well so they try to get rid of the pain. Maby there is somthing going on in her life that you need to talk to her about.

or she proably has friends who do it. Thats what happened with my friends one had problems and she cut herself and was anorexic but she got over it and now she is back into it again her and our other friend now cut themselves and cover it up when they go to church! come home and do it again. its there way of dealing with ther emotions.

your doughter might have depression like my sister did. always feeling sad. try possibally getting her on some pills for that.
aslo try getting everyone close to her that know about the problem. People she tespects and loves to tell her to stop,  =

Name: michelle • Date: 02/18/2006 00:03:19

maybe you should be the one to talk to her and tell her how much you care about her and dont want to lose maybe she fills like shes not wanted and she needs someone that sh can trust to talk to and maybe should tell her not to hang with the kind of people that shes hanging with maybe that is a problem to  =

Name: Deb • Date: 02/18/2006 20:52:50

Have you ever heard of Borderline Personality Disorder. Some of the things your daughter is doing, sounds like the syptoms related to this. I would suggest getting her into major therapy with a phychiatrist who knows what they are doing. Although I'm no expert. Just dealing with ADHD and Bi-polar illness junk in my house.  =

Name: need help • Date: 02/20/2006 01:46:48

its complicated i know i am 13 but yt still i used to cut myself and i have been persuade to stop... its simple at least it wa sfor me get her friends to help her through any rough emotions trust me talking to youe child never works my mom has tried or have her sister talk to her and she might actuall put sence into her if that doesnt work ask her "who do u look up to" and whoever she may say that you think is the best influence try to get them to talk to her and ask her why she does cut have them ask her about her feelins because if you try to go directly to your child she'll turn your advice away i did when my mom found out that i did it well best of luck to you and just keep that in mind that if you go to her directly she WON'T listen to you  =

Name: confuzed 16 year old • Date: 02/20/2006 22:38:58

i dont get it i have two friends (one older and one younger) and they both cut themselfs i am constantaly telling them that cutting dose not solve anything and that i think thaey should stop. i know its kind of not my busness but im conserned i dont know what to say or do to make them stop.....about 5 minuts ago i was just on the phone with one she said she was doing it now and i asked her to stop but she said she dident care what happended and that she was going through alot (BF issue) and i told her that i understand she is upset but it isnt solving anything cuting herself she still said she dident care..this is where im woried...i told her i dident want to hang out with a person that is trying to talk away there 1 chance at life and that i couldent take it if she got seriosly hurt so i said goodbye...and hung up the phone.....i know i cant do much only being 15 and not even related to the person but something tels me i need to help......im so lost and confuzed and posting on here (no offence) makes me feal like the bigest pansy in the world but i needed to express my opinion to someone and see if someone might have some advice.  =

Name: confused 16 year old • Date: 02/20/2006 22:40:57

not that its important but incase you dident figure it out im a guy and the 2 freinds are girls....  =

Name: natasha • Date: 02/22/2006 19:17:38

my sister is goin thought cuting her room i think you dughter has turn goth like me , she might be cuting her shelf for atachon or becase she has been sressed its best to walk in on her doing it betend to cry and walk away she will see you up set at her and hopefuly stop. i not sayin it will work but it might , i no ya lisson to a 13 year old but i was up set when my sister was doin it and sill is :( natasha xx good luck  =

Name: Jade • Date: 02/22/2006 19:46:20

i dont no how u are feeling beause im 15 and have no kids but if it was my own child i wud be worried i have 2mates that do it and i carnt name names but they have started doing it less now they have relised  =

Name: Hana • Date: 02/25/2006 03:04:36

maybye you should just sit down and talk to her, ask her why she is doing it then if she does not say, tell her it is serios. and she could kill herself. You MUST talk to her.  =

Name: guardian angel • Date: 02/26/2006 12:14:34

you should ask her if anybody did something to her and if she denies try to ask her friends who were like her (cute, bubbly,and happy) what had happened to her before she became that way if none of that works then ask yourself what she has been doing lately maybe she has been giving you a sign of something that has occured in her life you have to understand that its her teenage years and kids today are hard on each other and often do things to each thinking it's fun but it actually harms that person mentally.  =

Name: kymberly • Date: 02/26/2006 20:50:33

As a 13 year old myself i know what shes going through. I've been through it and so have my friends. You have to talk to her and find out whys shes cutting. Maybe its for attention or guilt. You cant help fix it until you know whys she's doing it  =

Name: lena • Date: 02/27/2006 20:20:42

i think u should just sit down with her and talk or show her why its bad for her to cut. i use to cut in the past but got over it cause think before u do something ur not just gonna hurt urself youll hurt everyone around u i hope i helped.  =

Name: mark • Date: 02/28/2006 15:44:12

hi im just like u im 14 and i need to stop i learned thar people care and that they love u and u should stop its not hurting u phycicaly but meantly and hurting the people i will help u stop me and u can do it together
your new friend mark  =

Name: sonia • Date: 02/28/2006 17:40:49

I did this as a young adult. I am now 27 have four kids and a wonderful husband who fights with me all the time like all happy couples do. I stopped cutting when I got pregnant with my first daughter because I felt like God loved me and trusted me and I had to make myself better for my child. I was sixteen at the time I started cutting at 13. The thing I wanted most was my mothers love, touch, attension, compassion. I wantted to be the baby in her womb again. instead she responded with anger. don't do this to your daughter. the best thing to do is show her continually that you love her no matter what and you will still love and accept her even if she continues to cut. this is the type of love God gives us and it is nice to recieve from our parents too. She needs attension positive attension give it to her don't even come to the computer any more stay with your daughter. I say this only because it is what I needed at the time. The cutting is the symptom of something deeper get close to her so she will show what is hurting her so bad. be presistant. pray. Don't worry about the cutting she will not die focus on her real needs. God bless you and your daughter.  =

Name: tina • Date: 03/01/2006 11:02:35

my daughter did the same thing we did nothing but try and deal with the problems that were greater now she is 16 seventeen in may she cuts when she needs the attention of it but I dont give it the power she wants it to have. What I do do is to deal with the actual problems that is giving her the feeling that she needs that attention. the boyfriend she had now is a good one and if or when she does it she gets disaproval from him which helps. It has gotten to be less and less. My daughter started doing the cutting thing when the movie thirteen came out which I believe is the worse thing that a young emotional child could ever watch!!!!!!!! I believe cutting got worse after that in the girls peer group. Right now I am dealing with the bad friend deal. I feel overwhelmed too why is it so hard. As a trouble teen myself I believe that we all get thru it as long as they know that we love them forever. It is the times unfortunatly and we are having a hard time as parents to deal. But someday no matter what they say they will return the loving daughters we once had as long as we stick thru it for them be strong even when you feel like falling apart.  =

Name: Kristi • Date: 03/01/2006 12:19:43

I had a friend who did that once. She hated me, and she was trying to push me out of the group of friends i am in. it was horrible. she was a manipulative cow. i hated her so much. before you start to worry about your daughter, worry about what she is doing to her friends. there were 6 of us, and now we cant even look each other in the eye. the other five failed their GCSES, i got staight A*s, but our teachers were so stressed with them, as we go to a school that it is really high up in the Scotish league table.

she ripped our lives apart, literally. please, just think about it.  =

Name: chelsea • Date: 03/01/2006 22:10:04

your daughter is obviously having a hard time. she is doing it for attention. not the kind of attention you would think of but something deeper. whatever it is that is bothering her she is trying to find a different way of showing it. dont get upset with her. dont yell or bitch. respect her and her feelings.  =

Name: joseph j.Richardson • Date: 03/06/2006 22:51:47

Hi my names joe and im from a town in Colorado. 13 is a vary unpredictable age. To tell you the truth it would even make your doughter unhappier knowing that her mother thinks she need counsling and therepy. Us teenagers these years are vary fed up with life or are looking for love in crazy ways your doughter will be fine i SWARE it. I Know its a crazy thing to witness and see your doughter like that but simply ask her about any recent things that have made her feel notice this 73 % of teenage girls have felt like giveing up in there lifes. Good Luck i will prey for you and your doughter.  =

Name: Michelle • Date: 03/08/2006 15:10:26

Heyy.. im 13, i started cutting myself, bout 1 moth ago.. i dont do it to get attention or somethin, so dont think yur daughter's doing that.. i would want to give yu 1 advies, dont talk to her.. it would be much harder for her, my mom doesnt know im cutting, nd if she talks to me bout stuff like this, it makes everything worser.. she is in her teenage years, so yu just gotta let her live them.. she will get over it sometime.. it hasta stop, thats what i tell myself, jus like you said, nothing major..when i do it , it isnt deep , i just do it to get over the pain i feel inside.. i know how yur doughter feels, i maybe dont know her, but i do just the same thing.. commant baq  =

Name: kayla • Date: 03/11/2006 22:40:12

Hey im 13 and since i was 10 i thought about my weight now today im dieng to be thin and im not eating I havent been eating much for 3 days and i lost 5 pounds Im still not happy I look in the mirrior and see a fat discusting frekled face girl. I wish i could just accept who I am what should i do ???  =

Name: shemarri • Date: 03/15/2006 11:36:30

u should just lay back on her for a little bit and eventually she will stop just let her do what she wants and then she will think her ligfe is perfect and realize that cutting isnt worth it!!!  =

Name: dk~~skyla~~ • Date: 03/15/2006 11:47:40

hey wad up yea i used to cut myself and if it fricken hurts so i stopped so i think that u should tell ur daughter to stop and just let her do what she wants cuz that65 will help more then nething i kno stuff like this a lot of my friends used to do it at school and then ppl started to fing out and we got embarssed cuz we couldnt hide it nemore so its just really not worth it  =

Name: charlene • Date: 03/18/2006 08:18:46

my daughter is 16 and she has been cutting herself also on her arms and inside her legs by her calfs and feet when she gets upset she says it makes her feel better but that is not normal took her to a doctor and right now she is staying with her farther i feel that she is doing this for attention and when she does not get her way, she is also into the gothic stage that all the kids go thru some maybe more than others go and i will not allow her to go, she takes it to far there have been other kids that she had started hanging out with when i noticed a change in her attitude i put a stop to it, she started to smoke ciggs, and then i notice she would come home and go to bed cause she was tired from what i asked and then started putting things together and learned that she was smoking pot, she argues with me about everything even her chores, so she finally admitted that she has a problem and had her step mom, and farther make her an appointment to talk to someone, a part of me feels that she will try to get around this we took her to a psychology center here in florida, and i do hope that this helps and i took everything out of her room that she could cut herself with took all posters down of the walls she had a locked draw in her desk that her farther gave her i broke the lock, i felt that she had no right to lock things up in my house, i had her farther take her for a month to see if that it would help and now all i can do is wait and see what happens, her farther does not know what it is like to have her all the time, he would just have her on the weekends and give her everything she wanted, now he will see what i have been talking about. i hope this will help you, i just know that the little girl that i have raised, she use to be so happy and would make me laugh all the time, no matter what was going on, she would always keep me happy and then now, i am lost without her and it has only been a few days, i feel as though he has taken her from me just like he and his wife had planned. and all i can do is wait to see what happens. my deepest fear is losing my daughter, and i feel so lost, because she won't even talk to me,i am sick to my stomache everyday but i have to be strong for myself, and for her , they call it tough love, so be careful and try to keep your cool for they are our children and they came with no book, for the good lord is with us and hears us cry he is there and in good time he will help us .  =

Name: allison • Date: 03/19/2006 16:41:16

i am also 13 and my parents found out that i was cutting my-self. i went to theropy and that is kind of helping me. The reason i did it was because of my mother but don't get scared....she wasn't letting me see my boyfriend and we always had huge arguments about it and this has been going on for the last year. You need to sit down and talk to your daughter and see what exactly is going on in her life. If you don't help her now this will get worse, she might start cutting deeper and taking pills just to show off and GET ATTENTION at school. That is also why i cut my self. i wanted everyone to worrie about me and try to help me, thats another reason why i did it. THIS IS NOT JUST A PHASE TRUST ME!!!!! develope a relationship with your daughter, meet her close friends and try to ecept them!
befor this gets worse please help your daughter! Also mabey she thinks she is getting more attention by going to outpatient therapy which isn't good. Im not telling you to ignor her problem but in a way try to punish her for it....it worked for me and befor that i was trying to overdose on pills and cutting my self very deep.
help your daughter sandy i no you can =)

sincerly
allison
age-13  =

Name: sonia • Date: 03/19/2006 20:41:28

cutting does help relieve emotional pain. when we cut or get hurt endorphins are released in the brain to surpress pain this might be why so many teens say it makes them feel better. They really do need emotional support. They need a better means of pain relief.  =

Name: KODIAKS 17 • Date: 03/21/2006 17:00:14

HI
IM 13 I BEEN CUTING MY ARMS FOR 4 DAYS I HAVE BEEN FEELING
SADDNESS INSIDE MY BODY I CHANGE OVER 3MONTHS
ALL I DID WAS CRY IN MY CLOSET AND WRITING POEMS NOT LISTENING SCHOOL THIS IS NOT A JOKE .



2 ALL OF U WHO CUT THERE ARMS I NO HOW U FEEL INSIDE  =

Name: amanda • Date: 03/22/2006 13:56:39

hey i did that at one point send her to a hospital and make her stay there dont allow her to come home it will open her eyes tremendously  =

Name: Violet • Date: 03/22/2006 23:53:17

Showing off cuts may be an attention seeking behaviour. Figuring out why she cuts is the most important thing. I cut, burned and participated in other self injurious behaviours for mroe than seven years and My mother never found out. Neither did anyone else. Until I told someone. The only reason I did that was because I want to be a teacher more than an example of how not to coap. the only thing that worked for me was finding a councelor to relate to. He wasnt perfect, had drug issues and had a rough life. but respected me as a person and not as a statistic. She wont stop until she wants to. Your job as a mother is to reinforce that you will love her no matter what she does and try to show her that there are other people worse off and that she is strong enough to work through her problems. I didnt have a mother who could help me because she has to deal with her own stuff. But people with their arms decorated in scars are stereotyped for the rest of her life. Its hard to see into the future when you are thirteen, but it might be the only way to help your daughter. Good luck Sandy. Im pulling for you. And in case you were wondering, I have gone one hundred and seven days without hurting myself and since I decided to quit my addiction, I have only slipped five times. The sooner your daughter gives it up, the easier it will be to stop.  =

Name: chelsea • Date: 03/23/2006 15:27:11

Hey i am 13 to and i used to cut but know im left with the horrible scars so please dont.  =

Name: mykel • Date: 03/24/2006 18:34:57

why would you do that , god will always love you  =

Name: carrie • Date: 03/24/2006 18:35:48

hi my name is carrie and i'm thirteen and i cut myself i still do it
and i take pills even thow i am growing up people r going to see me as a cutter people at school know i cut myself some know i took pills if you ever need to talk to someone sandy teenybober@aol.com e-mail me.bye.  =

Name: fellow cutter • Date: 03/24/2006 21:47:57

i used to cut and im 14 now last year was hard for me since it was the year i told about the 9 years of molestation i expeirenced im not saying your daughters has benn sexually assaulted at all, i just mean that it was hard and when she cuts she cuts to relive the pain on the inside most people dont cut to die so dont think shes extreammly suicidal but dont overlook it and think its just a catscratch cuz it will get deeper if the pain doesnt go away, my cutting go so bad that i passed out once when shes SOUND asleepcheck her arm and make sure theres no pills around, im not trying to paranoy you but just let her know that your there and that you love her every day tuck her into bed at night just let her know ,to many hospitals and therapists are scarry, im in therapy now and i dont even tell him the whole truth because i dont trust him,but any ways "showing off" the cuts is kinda normal they do it to know that people feel sorry for them , you probably want to know how i stopped cutting but it wont help your daughter....,,,, i love my dad to death and i havent seen him for a year and the reason i cut was from not seeing him well i secretly saw him and promised him i would stop and i stoped..... Just let your daughter know she is loved.....~fellow cutter~  =

Name: taylor • Date: 03/25/2006 23:32:42

Try a pshch hospital were she can't come hme ever night.
Or you could try bootcamp that always works  =

Name: Been their done that! • Date: 03/26/2006 13:01:01

OK this happend to me.. i was fom a (prep) to (goth) in a matteer of 8 mo!! I just wanted to "fit in " with people that did ont judge me.. U NEED TO GET HER TO SWITCH SCHOOLS!!!!!! i had a new stare where no1 knew me and was able to start over agen.. let her know that u are switching schools weather she likes it or not.. that it is a FRESH start where no 1 knows her and she will be able to be her self... take her shopping get her out of the BLACK CLOTHS... talk to her.. DONT INTRUDE IN HER LIFE... or at least dont do it in a matter where she knows.. talk about how schools is yalk about one of her friends.. EX... So how is mlissa?? is she doing good in school?? .. just start a conversation about life in general.. right now this os her life and she dont see her self in the future..... just do it in a BEST FRIEND way.. not in a mom way she will click with u better this way!!  =

Name: joanna • Date: 03/27/2006 17:12:38

takl to her tell her why it she doing this  =

Name: Bre • Date: 03/27/2006 19:37:01

talk to her and ask her whats happening  =

Name: debbie • Date: 03/31/2006 17:52:49

she probly somthing inside of her like tears and she dont want to let them out and i kno how she feels cause i done that before in my life  =

Name: cassidy • Date: 04/01/2006 19:27:01

talk to her and ask her why is she cutting herself ask her is there something going on, if its bad tell her that you love her and that you woudnt want anything to happen to her one day I was watching a movie called "Thirteen". go to the video store and rent it or buy it for her to watch IT WILL REALLY HELP!!!!!!  =

Name: Taylor • Date: 04/01/2006 20:48:14

Let her do what she wants. It's her life and she will regret it. She's going to notice what she's doing isn't write and come back for help. Let her live her life the way she wants and let her have some control rather than you having it. Cutters need to feel a sense of control, and we have problems we dont' want to talk about with you so we take some blood. Let her live her life and have some control. It's her life, not yours!  =

Name: BaBy J • Date: 04/03/2006 19:31:33

I have hundreds friends that cut. I don't take it as a big deal bcuz it's mostly 4 show. I cut 2 & have been cutting for 3 years. But 4 me it's a (weird) form of expression. (I cut names and dates that R important 2 me.) I almost consider it like a sort of tattoo. My parents kno I cut (& sadly enuff, my bros cut 2 bcuz they saw my scars & thought it was cool) but my parents R like "W/E" about it bcuz they know I just do it bcuz it's a form of expression or as my dad calls it, "a form of rebelion" My lil bros think it's cool, but I'm tryign to stop bcuz I don't want em doing it 2...But cutting is sumthin I do, but I wud neva hurt myself intentionally....Maybe it's the same way w/your daughter or maybe not. But w/e it is, keep an eye on her bcuz shit can happen...But good 4 U cuz U R trying 2 help her...:)  =

Name: Melissa • Date: 04/03/2006 21:30:49

My daughter is 15 and she just started cutting recently. She is in therapy and recently started taking medication. We are close and it hurts me to see her hurt herself. From what I've read, though, the cutting is a way for her to alleviate some of the hurt she feels inside. It's so hard for me to understand that, though. Her psychiatrist says I should take her to the emergency room for evaluation the next time she cuts. She doesn't cut deep enough to need stitches- yet, so I'm not sure the ER is the place for her to be. Anyone have experience or suggestions to share?
Thanks.  =

Name: shannon • Date: 04/04/2006 16:33:05

well i a goth and so i wear all blck clothes dark make up and i used to be all happy and very girly. i am 12 its a phase all teens want to go throught these days.... try to si down with her and talk... take her out shopping and see whats going on in her life... that usely worls..  =

Name: Melissa • Date: 04/04/2006 21:21:29

Shannon...Thanks. Like you, my daughter is into wearing black clothes, black make up, dyed black and red hair. We do go shopping. We do a lot together already. That's why this is hard for me to understand. Why she cuts, I mean. We just found out that her father is remarrying. Do you think that could be part of this?  =

Name: I Know. • Date: 04/05/2006 18:38:12

i relize your scared for your daughter.
im guessing my mom would be scared too.
im 14 and a victim of depression and cutting.
your daughter obviousley finds it something to be proud of.
her classmates probabaly find it as something that is cool.
she is not truely depressed i gaurantee it
dont send her to therapy
let her go through the phase
you cant make her stop she has to want it
she will relize its not a good idea
your a great motehr for caring about her
but all she needs is attention and love
from you not her therapist.  =

Name: dreamgurl • Date: 04/07/2006 12:15:47

have you ever felt like things is too much  =

Name: jo • Date: 04/08/2006 18:02:42

Sit down talk 2 her but stay calm.Ask her why she did it and if there is anything u can do.If she tells u 2 leave her alone do it.
You may feal bad but at least u tried.  =

Name: emily • Date: 04/10/2006 08:59:41

It might be a gothic stage, i went through it my self. I did the same.  =

Name: brandy • Date: 04/10/2006 23:07:14

hi I'm 21 now and i stared cutting my self at 11 most people don't under stand why we do it when we hurt are self and feel pain that is how we let are pain go i no to some that is weird and there is no way to stop him or her i stop cutting my self about 1 year ago i found a better way to deal with my pain and she will to it just takes time i hope i can help u my e mail is brandy-gray@sbcglobal.com  =

Name: nicole • Date: 04/16/2006 21:48:44

I did it too i think i know why she does it,befor i say any thing else i should tell you that i am 14.i too cut myself like she did at first,but then i tried to kill my self.the reson why did it was because i was tierd of the world feeding me bull.i'm not sure but the possible reason why she shows other people is probly because she trying to run.to run frome you,because she could be taken away in put in a mental institute.i thought that would be fun for me.maby she thinks the same way.maybe she knows she is going crazy.maby she does'nt want to be botherd by doctor pretending to know who she is.maby she does want them.maby she want to let what she has inside out,but not to you.maby she has decided and your to late.  =

Name: chelsie • Date: 04/20/2006 22:24:46

what you could do is throw away all of her stuff that is black and replace the clothes with colorful and happy clothes  =

Name: Josh • Date: 04/21/2006 11:38:54

Hey listen...I'm a cutter aswell as much as i hate admitting it i am i dont want your daughter to get to involved in it as much as i have done (deeper cutting). You have 2 sit down and talk to her and tell her that you love her and that she can tell you anything at all and you won't get freaked out or yell at her. She's probably feeling like noone is there for her and thats she's all alone. Try to find out why she's cutting and try to slowly and calmly find something that she enjoys and gets her mind of cutting and then get her away from it you know what im saying. Anywayz i hope it works out for you and your daughter. P.S. It won't be easy by the way  =

Name: bianca • Date: 04/21/2006 16:28:03

maybe u should just talk to her maybe she needs someone to listen her hey im 14 i can see what your going thewr and i see the same with ur 13 year old daugther just listen  =

Name: JT • Date: 04/21/2006 22:10:21

im a 13 year old myself and my friend is going through tht and your 13 year old is having a hard time with something in her life and you need to sit down with your 13 year old daughter and talk 2 her about whats going on about if its skool or a personal issue and then show her other children tht are going through worse things than her  =

Name: conserned • Date: 04/23/2006 04:17:20

take her to a phycietrist right away to get a diagnostic after that he should prescribe her to somthing and just talk with her as ofter as possible about her life  =

Name: Sharni • Date: 04/23/2006 10:41:51

I was just like you daughter ... but i was in year seven. Im now in year eight and i am no longer a cutter. I never showed off my cuts i hid them and i tryed to hide myself aswell. Me too, was a bubbly and happy 13 year old girl. My dad got phone calls off my teachers and dep. principal saying they were concerned. I was never put in hospital, only therapy.
It seems to me (and dont take this the wrong way) that your daughter is a attention seeker. If she was serious about the cutting then she wouldnt be showing it, she would be hiding them. I wore a jumper everyday to school, when i was cutting so no one would know. I think what you should do, is sit her down with her principal, her counciler, her theripest, you and your husband and maybe the doctor she saw while she was at the psych hospital and discuss all of this. Show her pictures if you can, of scars and tell her that its not thing. And while it may be getting her some attention ... does she really want some scars just for people to talk? I know i didnt. Tell her my story if you want. I started cutting because i had to leave my mum, and because i was always homealone ... i had friends but their parents didnt want them to hang out with me because of what i was doing. If your daughter has MSN and needs a friend who can help her through this and will always be there. My address is iheartcapn.oats@hotmail.com ... just remember Sandy, you need to get on top of this!  =

Name: kaylz • Date: 04/23/2006 10:57:05

i am also 13 i turned from cute and happy to wearing all black in a month ur daughter may be doing this because she feels unhapy with her life and has had a bad expirience in love as i have had  =

Name: kailey • Date: 04/26/2006 16:47:16

ok thrust me and take it from a 13 year old who had a friend who cuts themself. My friend recently started to cut her skin after a bad break up with her boy friend. she took this so badly that she became "emo" (dressing all black and verbally abuses herself) . I have stopped haging out with her but still keep in touch every once in a while. The best thing i would suggest to do is talk 2 friend of hers that u have a good relationship with. you can find out what happend and how her friends are dealing with it.(they have probably switched friends so talk to an old friend who is vivascous and bubbly) you should limit her time any way you cn(just not directly) with her new friends and talk and show her things that can result from cutting herself. itll b hard at first but u can do it . goood luck!!!!!!!!!  =

Name: a kid • Date: 05/03/2006 20:08:56

im 13 n i cut miself... its not lik eit hurts that much anymore... it takes away pain... its better than punching in walls like i use to... so y dont u just leave them its that or destruction of proporty  =

Name: Katie&Marisa • Date: 05/06/2006 05:35:36

Hey.
Well it sounds to me kind of like your daughter might be doing it (aka cutting herself.) for attention. Not only from the other 8th graders at school but also from you.
I [Marisa] am 13 years old and also in 8th grade with a 17 year old sister. I was talked to last year after someone had found out that I had cut myself and I had to call home.
It wasn't anything majorly bad. Like I never went to counseling. But they weren't cat scratches. When I was doing this there was a lot of other kids that did too.
I have stopped for a long time. But the other kids that did it then still do it. And yeah. A lot of kids do it for attention nowadays. I'm not sure if it's because of the ''new scene'' or the ''emo style'' or if it's ''in''. And middle school (let me tell you from experience) is a changing experience. Like I see girls all the time that used to wear really cute pink and purple shirts to black greenday sweaters and catcollars around their necks. It's pretty pathetic. But back to your daughter, She may be doing this for the attention from friends. Maybe she hangs around with people that cut themselves and she wants to be apart of them. or fit in. And by cutting herself she is also getting attention from you and other family members at home. Maybe instead of putting her in intesive therapy or psych hospitals try talking to her and let her know that you are there for her. Soon it will be that she won't have to take it out on her arm, she can just go and talk to you about whatever it is that is bothering her. Also let her know that by cutting her arm she isn't only hurting herself, but also hurting you and whoever else has noticed this change in behavior and personality.
Hopefully this helps.
=]
Katie&Marisa.  =

Name: Bianca • Date: 05/06/2006 06:00:00

hi ,
i am a 13 yr old gal n i used to cut but never deep enuf to scar but enuf to bleed and it ws becaus ei cudnt handle thigns at home. i have stopped now and none of my friends supported me during this they all though it was stupid and i was being an idiot because i did it for me it was just a stage but everyhting settled ofr about 2 months and then i got really upset and carved an X in mi arm i ddint tell my friends until they found out about 3 weeks after and now they still think i do the scaring is still on my arm and i try ot hide it ks mum and dad dont know i do or any reason why i should but ithnk they have noticed it.. so for her this may be a phase but maybe not just 'let her know that this is bad for her and it will become a habit continue to take her to counciling or if there is at her school a guidance councilor when she can talk ehrself and make arrangements and it is all confisental just try and find out wat is wrong with her and stop her fom ruining her life!!  =

Name: Rachael Willeke • Date: 05/06/2006 18:09:21

OK this isnt hard for me to say cause I cute myself to but its not cause i wanna show it off! no one really even knows about it! well the advise that I can give you is pritty easy just sit down and have a talk with her every so often and ask her to tell you what is happening at school and what is happening around home! Then when you get that information you should try to fix it but if she says there is nothing going wronge maybe she just wants more atention!If that is the case then try to talk to her more and then See if she has meny friends she might just want more friends just tell her cutting herself never works it only makes you in a bigger risk of dieing! you could cut your vane or something like that! I no its not good information coming from a girl that does it herself but its the best way i can help! The reason I did it was because of home problems my mom was always gettin drunk and my dad would leave every night to go party and then when he got home they would start fighting so I started to cut myself! Oh that could be another reason you have to make sure that her probablem aint somethin to do with you and her dad! like if you guys get in fights a lot or somethin like that then that could be one of the reasons to! And another reason I did it is because every one at school likes to make fun of me just because They arent like me! and they always call me a slut and because I am pregnant now and only 13 but hey I donno what to say if they dont like me for who I am oh well they will just have to live with it I gots plenty of friends!  =

Name: chelsee • Date: 05/07/2006 22:25:32

ok im 16 years old and i myself used to be a cutter ! i would cut with anything blades,glass,needles etc. i quit because i wanted to for my well being. your daughter isn't going to quit because you put her in out patient programs or in patient just becaue you give her attention over it doesnt mean she will quit. she needs to understand that putting scars her on her body will not her any of her problems let her know she is special and you love her. she wants attention she is one of those cutters they have 2 kinds of cutters. one's who want attention for it and one's who do it for serious reasons. she is one of yhe one's who want attention if they are just little scratches she doesnt want to hurt herself. she wants attention if she goes around showing them off. that is personally annoying. no offence to your daughter but she needs to stop being immature and find out that all she is getting is negative attention. most people probably thinks she is stupid for doing that to herself. i myself and im sure other cutters who cut or used to cut for serious reasons find that offensive. you need to tell your daughter she needs to wake up and realize they have other people out there that most likely have worse problems than herself. i mean if she has a mom who cares enough to get a website just to help her daughter and obviously you have done alot. i will tell you that you cant do anything else if she does this for attention. she obviously likes this attention and she will not stop unless you be firm with her let her know that she is not being a resposible teenager and that is ridiculous. you seem to be a very caring mother and you can only do so much to help her attention hungry problem. if you have to take her hinges off her door do it! only you can get though to her and let her know there sre bigger problems in the world w/ other teenagers and people in general. my problems are big also but i still look @ it like there are other people with worse problems even though my dad recently has been paralyzed and i had to take care of him which was incredibly hard. but i deal with it now as my parents are getting a divorce i still dont cut. sometimes i crave it like a drug because for people who do it for reasons it's addicting and i crave it at times but i tell myself i am better than that blade. so let your daughter know she needs to get over herself and stop SCRATCHING her self for attention. i still have HORRIBLE scars i regret every day but i would not take it back for they made me stronger another obstacle to overcome. i just want to add before i submit this that her style now has nothing to do w/ it . i wear black still and that has nothing to do w/ cutting. just majority of the people who wear black sre depressed FOR REASONS they cut. i just have a question besides regular mom and daughter fights does she have anything to cut over? because you seem like a vey loving family for her to cut over that. i hope in some ways i've helped you.  =

Name: Melody • Date: 05/08/2006 23:27:38

I'm 14 And I Cut My Self Whenever I Get Really Depressed But The Only Person Who Ever Seems To Notice Is My Best Friend Damian Sometimes I Think That I Only Do It For Attention You Should Ask Your Daughter Centu Those Reasons  =

Name: can't tell • Date: 05/09/2006 00:05:11

it was probably a boy  =

Name: CuisinartBlade • Date: 05/09/2006 22:51:18

there are many websites with help for teens as to how to stop cutting (http://www.vampirefreaks.com has a nice "self help" section where the nice people that frequent the website help others cope with problems) therapy is out of the question. don't bother wasting your time or energy with it. kids are stubborn and will do anything to go against autority.  =

Name: Samantha True • Date: 05/11/2006 20:20:18

well dont pressure her she will tell u why soon . in the mean time just be a good mom and confert her  =

Name: Tyrone • Date: 05/12/2006 00:00:50

Read her stuff from the Bible well God is way cooler than the Devil Take her to church and all that religious stuff Satan is a wirdo and God rules!!!!!!!!! GO GOD!!!!!!!!!!!  =

Name: bigred08 • Date: 05/15/2006 14:50:05

hey how long have you been cutting your self?  =

Name: satan's bitch • Date: 05/16/2006 07:09:46

Hey, im 14 and i have been cutting myself for over 2 years and no one has helped me, i think what your doing for your daughter is great but you have to let it run its course try asking her why she does it but if she dosnt want to tell you dont carry on asking as it could result in more cutting keep her home life calm so she feels its a place to retreat to. Thats all the advice ive got, good luck.  =

Name: mark banzhaf • Date: 05/16/2006 16:41:44

hey my name is mark im 14 and hear that this 13 year old might be scitzafrenic i am heres my email darkmousy45@yahoo.com i went threw the same thing and i still do but not as muchg but i might be able tohelp her. i know alot about it and im on the verge of being done with it but its cause some times i dont even know what im doing but i can help so give me a shout  =

Name: dark mousy • Date: 05/16/2006 16:46:06

my name is dark i went threw the same thing as all u cutters its because you might think u r goth or u black out and do stupid shit . i blacked out and broke 5 bones in this kids body . and when i came to me senses i called the ospital so u see i might be able to help mail mark banzhaf me and him share the sameemail plz shout to me if u need help  =

Name: jordaine • Date: 05/22/2006 09:01:24

you need help it looks wrong to do that to you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  =

Name: Katie • Date: 05/23/2006 16:21:02

Have You Ever Ask Her What's On Her Mind And Is She Upset ABout somethink My 13 Yr Old Daughter Was Cutin Her Self From No Reson She Said She Like It But I research It All Up ANd You Ment To Tlk To Them And Get Them To Tell You What Wrong Unless She's An Emo Or A Ghothic  =

Name: Lynne n • Date: 05/23/2006 17:12:34

Hi it sounds like your daughter is a very upset and depressed young lady,has anything happened in her childhood to make her do this?
It must be hard on you seeing your child like this,if you dont get to the bottom of this now whatever is bothering her will effect her whole life.
I have suffered with depression on and off for about 12 years now.
I underwent a cousre of treatment called cogantive behaviorarul therapy and it really worked for me!  =

Name: Michele • Date: 05/23/2006 22:08:20

Well, I'm not a mother or anything, I'm still quite young myself (15), but please consider what I say. Comming from someone who had that exact problem & that is only starting to get help for it, please listen.

You can't just say to yourself that "it's just a phase", by saying that, that's how you "ignore" the problem. When you do that it just gets much worse & some times it's too late once you realise it's not just a phase.

For the cutting thing, you need to sit down with your daughter & tell her that you care about her well being & that you might not fully understand what she's going through but that you are always there if she needs to talk.

She obviously won't suddenly spill her guts & tell you everything, but it's a good first step to make her understand you're there for her.

Next thing you should do, is maybe consider a long term treatment programme, because if untreated this could go on up until she's in the mid-20s. Now, by long term I mean that you should not just get her to go to this "place" if you will, I mean weekly or bi-weekly meatings with a psychologist or nurse specialised in self-harm.

Also, to possibly understand the problem, you can't judge her, you have to just listen to whatever she has to say & be kind of a "friend", if you will.

Also, there is a lot of reasons why a kid would do this to themselves, but if you say she's showing them off at school, it could be because she wants attention. I'm not saying thats the reason, but it could be.

Now, if I didn't help much, I'm sorry
But if you maybe want to ask a little more, you can always email me
punkrock_rude_chick@hotmail.com (I know it's kind of a weird adress, but, well, I'm too lazy to change it)

I hope I helped you  =

Name: Annie • Date: 05/24/2006 14:04:57

hey,im 13 aswell and i cut and am anoreixc.i am not old enough to give great advice but i just wanted to give my point of view.i dont cut for attention,i cut to escape from my eating disorder but it seems your daughter wants attention.and not in a horrible way btw.and mabye you have been giving her attention but i have been told a million times that the age of 13 is the worst of your life.and i must say i agree though i dont know yet.mabye if you talked to her about it and dont get cross just simply explain that you love her so much and u cant stand for her to get hurt and make a fuss of her and make sure that she knows its the wrong way to get attention.mabye shes insecure,like me.i hate myself so much thats partly why i do it.i dont do it seriously but it can get worse.because im starting to like seeing the cuts there.they are not there to hurt me,they are there to be noticed.if i wanted to hurt me i would cut somwhere no1 could see.anyway im sorry if i have said anything wrong just trying to give my point of view.good luck  =

Name: Beth • Date: 05/28/2006 00:38:12

I am a cutter myself. I am 13 years old to. I have gone through the same thing that she is going through the only thing is I never show off my scars. The only thing I can say is talk to her. Now I know u probably already have but I mean really talk. If you can't talk to her get a friend of hers to. My best friend found out about me and started to talk to me. Trust me it helps! I have done the same thing she has I started wearing all dark colors I wore only long sleaves. Feel free to e-mail me ShortGnome9213@hotmail.com. I just want to help. Because right now I need help too I still haven't stoped. I just personally want to talk to somebody about my problem. I really need to talk to someone who has gone through what I am going through right now.  =

Name: liz • Date: 06/04/2006 08:08:03

ive been cutting myself since 11 now im 14 im still doing it n my family coudnt care less, im hoping my family one day reailse but dey have but dey dnt realt care 1 of my sis does but now he dont care n im feed up of my family nagging at me all day n night the best thing is to talk to dem tell dem u care for them n u will be there 4 dem queenz_2006@hotmail.com  =

Name: Summer • Date: 06/04/2006 21:11:52

Honestly Sandy, the next step is to ignore it. I hate to say it, but your daughter is looking for attention, and the wrong kind of attention at that. All you can do is make sure you are giving her lots of positive attention, and leave the cutting alone. She isn't going to cause any seriouse damage to herself. If she was she wouldn't be showing it off to everyone. I hope things get better. Let us know.  =