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Hi Everybody,
I'm going on six months and all throughout my pregnancy I've been alone. Alone in the sense that the father hasn't been around. I have support from my immediate family but it's not the same thing. We dated for a year but now he's moved on and is dating somebody else. When I first told him I was pregnant Dec. '05 he gave me two options: abortion or adoption. He name called me and wanted nothing to do with the baby. Mind you, he's 38-years-old and my son will be his first born. He doesn't call me and has never shown up at the doctor appts. I've sent him ultrasound pic. via e-mail but he doesn't want to deal with it. He's asked me not to send him anything until he asks for them. The last time, I talked to him was two wks. ago. He told me the new girl in his life doesn't know about the baby on the way because he doesn't want to ruin his relationship with her. He said he was going to be there for the baby and that he would go to my next appt. A week before my appt. I went to dinner with my girlfriend and ran into him having dinner with the new girl. Seeing them together made me cramp and I went up to their table. He was surprised to see me since he had never seen me pregnant and the last time we saw each other was in Dec. when I told him I was pregnant and he pushed me out of his house. He was very nervous and I made it a point to let his new girlfriend know that him and I were expecting a baby. She was stunned.;..didn't say a word and all she did was stare down at the table as he said, "I told you, I'm gonna take care of everything. I was going to tell her tonight." I left and they stayed there. The next a.m. he texg msg. me and said to leave him alone. Needless to say I haven't contacted him or his parents since. His parents haven't looked for me either. And surprise......he didn't show up at the doctors appt. ? |
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I can understand where you are coming from, but can you understand where he is coming from? If a woman gets pregnant and then decides to abort that's all there is to it. If she decides to keep the baby that's all there is to that. What about the guys opinion? He told you he wasn't interested in parenting and suggested abortion (I am totally against it) or adoption and you said no to both ... that's not fair to him. If you told him you were going to get an abortion because for whatever reason you were not ready to parent and he asked you not to you probably would take the attitude that it's your body and you will do what is best for you. I just don't think it's fair to guys who are faced with an untimely pregnancy, they have little to no choice but to do what the girls decide. You wouldn't want someone to tell you you had to do something you weren't ready for or willing to do, why would you push someone else to?
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i am 21 with a 2 year and 1 year old daughters. but my wife left me . i love my kids dearly and if i can do anything let me know. write me any time. i am full of useless knowledge. i know on thing and that is keep his parents out of it right now. you r arguement is with there son. but when the baby comes around let them see the baby. trust me. i have been through a lot and though it may not make sense it is the best way to do things. email me and i will tell you more.
hellastud@hotmail.com dan hellastud = |
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Can i e-mail you too? I have the same problem....
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Listen girl I'm going thru the same thing. I was with this guy for a couple of months and I got pregnant, I told him as soon as I found out and guess what??? He did the same thing, everytime I sopke to him was the same thing "get an abortion" but I didnt listen, its my body, its my baby. After I told him I was preggy I was him twice and little by little he started changing treating me bad, like he wanted to push me away from him and he did, I dont remember how we broke up or if we even did, but the thing is that we are not together anymore, everytime I call him he makes me cry, makes me feel soooooo bad like its all my fault, sometimes I just wanna think that he dont mean it and that he is doing ot on purpouse because I'm having a baby (fucking up his life) he is younger than me he is only 18, I'm about to be 22 anywayz thats besides the point. I was calling him all weekend cuz I wanted to see him and later I found out that he was in the bookings cuz he got caught smoking weed outside (stupid yeah I know) so I finally got in touch with him last night around 4 am and we was in the phone for a while but all he kept doing was making me feel bad, bragging to me about his new girl, how sexy she is and he even asked me if I wanted him to send me a picture of her on the phone, of course I was like helllllll no. I told him I know me and you are not together but that dosent change that fact that I'm having your baby and the least that you should do its be nice to me, stop throeing your girl in my face, today my sister called him and I was rite next to her he said hold on im with my girl ima call you back and we still waiting, I just dont know how he can treat me this way, he was sooo good to me and my daughter and he change because I'm pregnant, when this should off brong us closer, at least, it hurts me a lottttt because I know thats the reason we are not together. In your case its Ok dont worry about him, lemme tell you what happend to me, when I was 13 I met a guy, I was with him until I was 15 he was my first, and he said the loved me, everybody knew we was togther he got along great with my parent and then I got pregnant, he broke up with me, and told my mother that he didnt want to be with me but that he would help me out with the baby, that was after he asked me to get an abortion and I told him NOOO I would never forget his words and that I was 6 years ago he said (take that shit about) anywayz he got another girl preggy like 2 months after we broke up. He wasent in my daughters life her first year and then he was but very little after that now for the past 2 years he his with her all the time, birthdays, holidays, every weekend. He takes her form thrusday to sunday. buys her clothes, food, get her hair done, (my daughter is 5 and she gets manicures) because he pays for it and she has a little brother hersame age that she loves very much, he is still with the other girl but now we all get along GREAT, so give that guy sometime he will come around trust me it happend to me, and must likely it would happend to you, maybe you should stop calling him, yea I know its easier said than done cuz I dont even know how to stop calling the other guy even though all he do its hurt me, just keep your head up ma and you would see that everything will fall into place, and remember that I'm going thru the same thing you are going thru for a SECOND time if you ever wanna talk you can email me @ shortydaillest@hotmail.com Take care and dont stress him, my ex got a girl too and we broke up a couple of weeks ago. I know you feel lonely because I do to, but one day hopefully not to late he would realize what he has done, and thats gonna be your day!
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SORRY ABOUT THE TYPOS, IM IN THE DARK LOL
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Jill I disagree with you sorry but Dan and Lia hey I think you are so right I say give him a chance to deal with the fact that he is going to be a daddy and tell him you know I'm not going to bother you any more if you want to be in your baby life be if not then I will leave it to your conciense (sorry for the typing ) I do believe that just like there are bad guys there bad girls Dan I Know what you go through My brother is in the same situation and his wife left him for some man that beats her and makes her do things that she wouldn't be doing if she was wioth my brother. She did to left him their 2 boys and he has raised them so far al by him self she has tryed to get back with my brother but he got so disapointed that he told her that he didn't wanted to know she excisted on this planet . He lets her see the boys but at moms house and only there she can't take them or any thing I don't blame him she made the wrong descision and not because his my brother but because I am a mom too and theres no way I will ever have the heart to leve my baby like that but naw girl (Alyssa) I think you for one did the right thing to let the girl know so she could be carefull of that ass hole sorry the expression,but you should also concidere giving him time to get his act together and if he comes around then fine if not then oh well . to bad for him. You know my mom always says that when some one does you wrong and you leave it at gods hands that person who caused you pain will get it back times three. good luck god bless every one best wishes lupe.
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Give the baby HIS last name and go after child support,you and the baby at LEAST deserve that much from the low life deadbeat.And for future reference I hope this taught you a valuable lesson.
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I AGREE WITH JILL. WHAT ABOUT THE FATHERS RIGHT TO CHOOSE. IT IS WRONG TO PUSH A BABY ON SOMEONE WHO IS NOT READY, INTERESTED, OR PREPARED TO PARENT. IF THE FEMALE WERE ANY OF THE ABOVE SHE WOULD HAVE THE LUXURY OF MAKING A DICISION REGARDLESS OF THE MALES INPUT -- IT'S NOT FAIR. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF SOMEONE FORCED AN ISSUE YOU WERE AGAINST. MEN HAVE RIGHTS TOO!!!
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In response to Jill. That is completely BS. If he didn't want the responsibility of being a father he should have taken precaution. Whether he likes it or not he is the father and he needs to take responsibility for his actions. He did have a choice when he chose unprotected sex. Now it's about responsibility, PERIOD!
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You don't have to give your baby his last name to get child support. I've been through this 3 times. First leave the man alone. All you will do is stress yourself out. I know it's lonely & hard not to but really it will make him hate you more if you keep trying to see/call him. I would focus right now on trying to get as much info you can about him. For instance a mailing address, phone numbers, job info,etc. When the child is born, you need that info to file child support. If you want him/his parents in your childs life, contact them when the babies born. If nothing else, you will need to contact them to get as much medical history you can. This might help you in the future. Try to build a great support system around you. You mentioned a gf, try to keep these friendships strong. I too made the mistake of thinking that the older a man is the more wiser/mature. But I am wrong. Your baby can sense stress. It will be much happier w/o people involved who don't want to be. I think for a lot of us, we need to see reality for what it is. We can't carry their guilt or control their choices. It's not the new GF fault either. I'm sure if it was up to him, she would've never known about the baby. I bet his parents aren't too thrilled with him either. Right now he's prob just trying to survive. Whether he tells you it or not, I'm sure in his lonely hours he thinks of you & hates himself for his situation.
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the guy is a complete loser and clearly not worth your time ! move on without him. He will one day regret it and by then you will have moved on and he will suffer! Keep your head up for you child
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Thanks to all of you for your response. As my last e-mail states, I haven't contacted him or vice-versa. I don't plan on it. I figure why force him to be a part of my son's life when he doesn't want to. He's only going to make him suffer in the long run. I gave him the option and he chose to walk. His choice. I also don't plan on going after him for child support. I can support my son on my own. I just rather him not be in the picture at all. If his parent's contact me one day wanting to see the baby, of course, I would never deny them that right; but I'm not going to be one looking for them. I'm doing better now than before; meaning I don't feel as though I need him in my life. I truly believe that God doesn't put you on a path he doesn't think one can handle. I know that I tried to include him and he chose to walk. It's his right to choose. I choose to raise my son the best I can and not stress about his decisions.
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its so great u have been able to move on and have so much faith in the universal/God's order. i know how it feels to have a
person u care about be able to move on so easiley and forget about u...its hurts so much...especially the father of your unborn son. stay strong and forget about the negative input people give. he needs to realize that he needs to be responsible for his actions and has no right to tell u what to do with your body. he got u pregnant and should know what might happen when one has relations with someone...the risks and along with that comes the risk of preganancy and the chance of having to deal with the womens choice to choose what to do woth her bady. remember that opinions come from peoples own damage and experiences. just keep yur head up and he will get whats coming to him. what goes around comes around. = |
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For Jill: I absolutely disagree with you!what right's? the male in this situation gave uphis right to say anything negative when #1-he took off hte CONDOM or didn't inquire about birth control & #2-when instead of putting his selfish need first,sticking around if even omnly for 9months to insure the safetest and healthiest delivery possible. #3- the fact that he waould even date another woman and attempt to make her happy and make her smile and abandone the mother of his FIRST CHILD! how dare he or you even think about RIGHTS and at his age 38.you got some nerve JILL! imagine if this was your daughter or grandaughter or YOU!!!if he weere younger maybe ...maybe I couild understand the situation . But he's a GROWN ASS MAN practrically a SENIOR CITIZEN and once he decided to penetrate without a CONDOM all his NEGATIVE RIGHTS were over! Now Allysa: letme tell you THUMBS UP!!YOU GO GIRL!!! I would have done the same thing as far as hios newgirl friend is concerned,I understand that it 's not her fault , but you know deep down inside it made you feel alittle bit better. I mean honestly he deserved it because chance are he wasn't going to tell her no time soon trust me and it's unfortumate for her but,as long as you did it very lady like,and politely ( because its not what you do but the way you doi it ;) ) then screw him and if it made you feel good to make him miserable then SO WHAT!!. he should be there and he wouldn't be having these problems just keep your head updo your best to look you bestwith the weather changing, treat yourself if you can to manicures and pedicures. when shop transfer all you positive emoitions into that moment and smile as much ass you can Iknow it's hardbut put the rest in the lords hands and he'll carry that butden for you I wish you all the best and JIll you have a good day.
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Allysa, sorry for the typo's but I was pretty revved up lol!
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Thanks pretti momi 2be. When I confronted them at the restaurant I wasn't disrespectful to her or to him for that matter. I realize she's the innocent one in this situation - and you could tell how taken back she was. My problem is with him not her. And now, it's not even with him. At this point I don't even want to deal with him. I have to think about my son and do what's best for him but I don't know how I can put my resentment toward the "sperm donor," if you will, aside.
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I ran into my baby's daddy when I was about 6 months along. He was at the store with a girl. We ended our year long relationship because I didn't want to murder a baby and I didn't think Iwanted to have a baby for someone else to raise.
My son is due at the end of June. On Mother's Day (Of all days) he came by we spent the day together. He kept rubbing and patting my belly saying he could believe what we did. He wants to be their when the baby comes and ask if he could move in. This is all to fast for me. Right now I hate the way I look.. the doctor told me the baby is over 6 pounds and has more growing to do. I know from reading sites lots of womenlove their growing bellies but I am carrying this baby out front and even my sweats don't fit around my belly. I just can't figure out why he wants to be with me now = |
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He may be 38 but he has the integrity of an infant. I hate to sound cliche but you are better off without him
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Hi i agree with lisa go after child support!
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Hello!! It takes two! If the woman is so concerned about getting pregnant she should insist on him wearing a condom and provide it if he doesn't have one. Why does everyone insist that an untimely pregnancy is due to the negligence of the man? I don't think it's fair to force a man who does not want to parent to do so -- he voiced his preference -- abortion or adoption. If the woman made either of those choices on her own chances are 100% the abortion would have been performed and pretty high for adoption. Regardless of your opinion men do have rights and in this arena they are being over-looked -- not my opinion but fact.
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Jill,
First off, how do you know a condom wasn't used? Were you there? Even if it was used.. don't you know birth control is only 99.9% effective? Which means there is ALWAYS that 1% possibility of pregnancy. And you're right about men having choices....He made his choice when he decided to have sex and take the chance. His rights aren't being overlooked in this arena. There just aren't any guarantees whether birth control is used or not. AND "THAT'S A FACT." P.S. are you sure your name is not Jack? = |
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Im going through the same thing... This guy of mine is supposidly married, but didnt tell me , after being together almost three years, till i got preggo..
HUN, you can do this.. wait until the baby is born, then call his parents and offer that they can see it.. if he doesnt wanna be a part, tell hijm thats fine, he doesnt have to SEE the child, but he has to pay for it. then MILK HIM! = |
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You are all fighting for the woman's rights here and not even considering that the other side of the equation deserves equal rights. An egg and a sperm are required to create a pregnancy -- where do you all think the little egg comes from ... the woman. She is half the blame yet you all think she is ALL innocent and has ALL the rights to make ALL the decisions. I am very much tired of hearing about woman getting pregnant and then getting pissed off for not having the support of a man who told her from jump street that he was not interested in parenting. If the condom broke well at least he was trying to prevent a pregnancy and the use of contraceptives just points out again that he is not interested in parenting. If you don't want to parent alone and you're not in a committed relationship stop having sex.
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Jill,
You sound like a bitter woman. But like you said, it takes two. You don't know whose fault it was. Bottom line is that it is both their responsibility. Maybe you need to go relieve some anger, if you know what I mean. = |
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I'm not bitter at all. I really am just so sick and tired of hearing woman complain that the guy she is pregnant by is off doing who knows what with who knows who. If you can't rely on the guy to stick around what the hell are you doing wasting your time with him to begin with? If you want to sing and dance you've gotta pay the piper. Oh and I have no idea what you mean!!
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I recommend you make a decision weather or not you want to leave the door open or not and you should let him know asap
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Jill, If you don't want to hear about it.....then what are you doing in this forum. In case you are unaware this is the single parents forum. And many times people don't know how others will react until they are put in such a situation. People react differently to the "unexpected," per se.
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4 JILL: you just can't be serious if you don't want to hear abotu this then what the hell are you doing here?And to let you know, my point is as such: it doesn't matter if the relationship is a committed one or not. If he's a jerk he's a jerk! she never said they weren't in a committed relationship. AND IF HE KNEW HE FELT THIS STRONGLY AN=BOUT HAVING CHILDREN THEN HE SHOULD HAVE NEVER EER PUT HIS SELF IN THIS SITUATION. OBVIOUSLY, SHE DOESN'T HAVE A PROBLEM BEING PREGNANT OR SHE WOULD HAVE TAKEN HIM UP ON HIS SUGGESTION'S SERIOUSLY, IT'S WOMEN WITH OPINIONS LIKE YOUR THAT HELP MEN AVOID BEING FAMILY MEN AND DADDY'S INSTEAD OF PAYING CHILD SUPPORT LIKE THE CHILD IS A BILL OR SOMETHING. YOUR DAD SHOULD HAVE TREATED YOUR MOM LIKE THIS THEN MAYBVE YOU WOULDN'T EVEN VE HERE TO BE IN THIS FORUM !
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I think the new girlfriend needed to know. Our divorce was final on Sept 30th. The 3 years we were married I never got pregnant We never used any protection. He started dating in October. We spent one farewell night together toward the end of October My baby is due July 25th. He wanted me to abort the baby,when that didn't happen he didn't want his girlfriend or his family to know. He and his girlfriend got engaged at that point I thought it best to let her know that hew will be making support payments toward his baby. Now he wants DNA testing after I have the baby . .This is fine by me. I haven't told his family yet but as my due date gets closer if he doesn't or I don't hear from them I will. Alyssa,Leave him alone and have an attorney do your talking. You don't need him for appointments. He did his part and now you get a beautiful baby out of it. I think it was good for the new girlfriend to see you and now she sees what kind of person he is and that she may be the next one to be in your spot
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If woman would empower themselves through education they wouldn't need a man to support their baby. Guys have rights and they are being overlooked!!! Why is it ok for a woman to abort a baby that the father is willing to care for it but not ok for a man to bail when he's the one who isn't ready? Double standard. Woman want all the "rights" that men have and yet they don't act accordingly. If you want the same rights, job opportunities, and wages as men start acting like you can handle them.
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Jill you need to go elsewhere and advocate for mens rights. This forum is not about that. It's for single parents who are dealing with an issue and want some support. What's your negativity doing here. I suggest you go join a mens right's association. You can start by visiting http://groups.yahoo.com/group/mensrights/
and leave this forum alone. = |
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I'm not necessarily advocating for men I am trying to encourage women to do the best she can without having to rely on men for support. I do however feel strongly that if a man is not interested in parenting that should be his right. There are too many woman out there claiming to be left in the dark when in fact the man has made his preference perfectly clear.
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Eventually he'll probably come around to want to see the baby. Although you'll probably have a lot of resentment toward him for not being there and treating you the way he has ----you have to think about your son. Don't let your feelings get caught up in selfishness and not allow your son to have him in his life - If he decides to be a man and own up to fatherhood. Good luck.
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I am here for you if you need anything. Children are a blessing and I'm sure you'll find that out. If you need to talk email me at: gilbeiii@comcast.net hope you are okay
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You two will be just fine. You've been blessed with the biggest blessing there is and for that you need to be thankful. Everything else should be secondary. Your priority is now your son. Take care and best of luck.
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TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO THINK ITS ALL RIGHT FOR HIM NOT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS BABY ARE WRONG IFTHIS SOB DIDNT WANT ANY KIDS HE SHOULD OF USED PROTECTION . IN THE LONG RUN ITS THIS CHILD WHOS GOING TO GET HURT .
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GIRL JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE I NO THAT SOUNDS HARD TO DO BUT YOU DON'T NEED TO BE UPSET YOUR CARRYING A BABY AND WHAT YOU FEEL YOUR BABY FEELS SO JUST TAKE CARE OF YOUR SELF AND TRY TO BE HAPPY AND DON'T LET NO ONE GET YOU DOWN .
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UPDATE...UPDATE..Thanks to all who have responded. I did leave him alone. His family contacted me and so did he last month. He now wants to be a part of the baby's life. He's been to the doctor with me twice. I'm still unsure of him. I know I have to do what's right for my son but I can't help but feel resentment toward him for everything he's put me through. He's still dating his 22-year-old girlfriend and won't answer the phone when I call him to tell him something about the doctor or the baby. Note: I've only called him twice and both times he happen to be with her so didn't bother answering my calls. Another thing now is that he want's me to give the baby his last name??????? and wants to go to an attorney to establish how much child support he's gonna give me, visitations, holidays, etc. He says he wants to do this now because once the baby comes we won't have time for anything....????? What do you guys think?
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get it now girl... if he is wanting to support you take it while you can... chances are once the baby gets here he will be so spooked he may run again.... as far as the last name that is totally up to you. I personally would never give the baby his last name since you are not together or married.... just my opinion,
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He don't care. good luck
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Damn you know alot of boys these days will get you pregant and run out it worries me that he is 38 and still acting like a little boy when he should be an adult and take responsibilty for his actions.If he didnt want the kid he should have never not wore a condom. My ex is kinda doing the same we were when i first told him we were broken up and he told me to get an abortion I told him no I would never do that so we got back together and broke up again and he is still going to be in the childs life but he doesnt talk to me about the child.I was like doode grow up so i have been ignoring him and its been working he wants to call me now so just act like you dont need him around and maybe hell grow up
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Oh btw there is plenty of men out there who are unable to have children who would love to date you I am sure you can date to just dont have unprotected sex and get a disease that can harm your baby. Yea I know im only 18 but I saw my sister go through it all so Im just sharing advice [33 goodluck
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hi, I'm 19years old and nearly 6months pregnant. Although my story is slightly different to yours i know exactly how you feel. Me and my partner were together for a little while, about a month or so and then we found out i was expecting. i gave him the option to be with me and have our baby or for us to end and abort our child. i am not really one for abortions i dont really agree with it, but as growing up with my parents appart i knew i definately did not want to be a single parent, ive seen my mum struggle and i wanted it to be different for me. anyway me and my partner decided we would stay together and make a good life for a child, this is when i was 4weeks pregnant. we split up when i was about 16/17weeks pregnant but i hung on for hope that it would work out in the end when our baby arrived.... until at 20weeks i find out he has a new girlfriend! she has a child of 18 months which is heart breaking, why take on somebody elses child when you have your own mniracle to look forward to? i still love him and stupid enough i would take him back... he says he is going to stand by me emotionally, physically and finacially he hasnt really done any of it because his girlfriend doesnt like it! but i am reassured by numerous people it all changes when the baby is actually born, and that fathers dont like to leave their childs side. so i hope this is the case for me and anybody else in similar situations. its hard to not be with the person you want most in life but getting down isnt good for your baby, and its only the father missing out. i wish you luck and sorry for babbling on, its just nice to get everything off your chest every now and then. x x x
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i'm 19, and my babies dad is 31... my mum keeps saying, WHO IS THE CHILD IN ALL THIS! men are scared of being tied down... thats my answer to them running off
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Hi guys, im in a different type of situation, im still with my man, we were trying for this baby for 2 years on and off,and we live together. im 29 weeks pregnant but i have coped threw the hole thing alone, i feel like he deosnt want to know me or our baby most of the time, any spare time he gets he would like to spend it with his brother drinking, i understand hes making use of the time he has left but what about spending a little time with me before the baby comes along, i have tried telling him this but we always end up fighting, like tonight. you can garentee every friday we fight and i end up alone crying (which cannot be good for the baby)coz he would rather be boozing up and all i want is some time with him.i know this is different to you, but i feel so alone, he does not like me talking about our problems to ANYONE.. i love him so much and would love him forever but i dont like the person he is becoming.. a alcoholic. hes even got us a mortgage for a house over the road from his brother the reason being he can go see his bro and if anything happens he can pop back home in seconds ..im gona be so alone.. should i stay with him...should i leave i want him to be the person i met 5 years ago will we ever go back...? tonight i said i would come with him to see his brother whilst they drank i asked for only 1 hour before we went to his brothers but he wanted to go there and then . but now im up here typing this whilst he is downstairs drinking alone ... getting more and more drunk by the minute i dont want to be in this house with him right now but have no where to go... i dont know what to do, he does want this baby but i dont think he wants me anymore.. i have tried so hard to keep him involved in the pregnancy but half the time he doesnt listen to me, he only tells me he loves me when we make up from a row... he never takes me out or treats me... he does not make me feel special.. and he doesnt ask how my day was how i am or how the babys is.. its all money and boose for him.. sorry im going on now probs boring u but i have so much bottled up please help my head is in bits im just not happy.. not as happy as i thought we would be...xxxkat
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I AM KINDA IN THE SAME BOAT. I HAVE TWO KIDS, 3 & 4 YOA. ME AND THEIR FATHER HAVE BEEN OFF AND ON. FIVE MONTHS AGO WE WERE TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE AND BEING TOGHETHER AND BEING A FAMILY, UNTIL I TOLD THE SOB I WAS PREGNANT, NOW I AM ALMOST SIX MTHS PREGNANT AND IN THE BEGINNING I TRIED CALLING HIM, EMAILING HIM TALKING TO HIM WITH NO RESPONSE. I DONT TRY ANYMORE AND HE DOESNT CALL ME NOT EVEN ABOUT OUR OTHER TWO KIDS. ONE TIME HE CALLED ME AND ASKED ME HOW WE WERE GOING TO PAY FOR DAY CARE, WHEN I WAS 3 MTHS PREGNANT. THAT WAS THE LAST THING ON MY MIND. NO HOW ARE YOU, HOWS THE PREGNANCY GOING HOWS THE BABY.THATS THE ONLY TIME I HEARD FROM HIM UNLESS I WAS CALLING HIM ABOUT OUR OTHER TWO. HE DOES SEE THEM TWICE A WEEK AND EVERY OTHER WEEKEND. HE HAS NEVER BEEN TO A DOCS APPT AND HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW THAT WERE HAVING ANOTHER BOY, UNLESS MY OLDEST SON HAS TOLD HIM. I DONT CARE TO TELL HIM. MY OLDEST SON ALSO LETS ON THAT HIS DADDY HAS SOMEONE LIVING WITH HIM(A GIRL) THAT DOESNT BOTHER ME MUCH BUT TO NOT WANT TO BE WITH ME IS ONE THING BUT TO DESERT ME WHEN I NEED HIM MOST FOR ANOTHER GIRL IS ANOTHER THING. IT PISSES ME OFF, HE CAN BE WITH HER BUT I STILL EXPECT HIM TO BE HERE FOR MY PREGNANCY AND OUR BABY WHEN HE IS BORN. I DONT KNOW WHAT HE IS GOING TO DO WHEN THE BABY IS BORN. I HOPE HES NOT STILL ACTING LIKE A SOB.
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For everyone that is saying that it's wrong to push a baby on someone...IF YOU HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX THEN YOU'D JUST BETTER BE READY TO HAVE A BABY COS THATS WHAT HAPPENS!!! So lets stop feeling sorry for these lowlife creeps that aren't willing to take responsibility for their actions. It takes two to make a baby, lets remember that also!
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thats not fair or cool
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jean...? How can you seriously say that? obviously we know it takes 2 to make a baby but we also have the choice to keep it or not and when your partner says he's gonna stand by you then leaves then you cant blame yourself! i think you are really selfish for what you have said... Are you in the same position? your really not nice
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good for you he will be a dead beat dad anyway, just goes to show that any guy can get a lady pregent but it takes a man to be a dad, but dont fret you will find a man who will be a dad to your baby, if you want to talk further email me kirklock6@hotmail.com
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wow- i'm so sorry to hear that. its unacceptable. first of all he has no right telling you to leave him alone- he made this baby just as much as you did. he knew what could come of having sex- and now he has to step up to the plate. wether he likes it or not, this is HIS kid. he can't deny that . of course he would skip the doctors visit- that's his way of trying to lie to himself and get you off his back. he lies to you to try to ignore his responsibility. secretly he is freaking out with this and is fleeing. thats not right, and this is not YOUR fault by any means. he is taking everything out on you when he shouldn't. i'm sorry to hear that. you are a strong person- just remember that. as much as it hurts and is hard to be alone- prepare yourself to take care of this child. when you are feeling down just think of this wonderful little baby depending on you and loveing you to the fullest. you are its all and everything- no matter what happens it will always be you and this beautiful child together.
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Mary... thats a really nice comment. Cheered me up for today :)
my babies dad is away on holiday, Can afford hols but not afford the baby he chose to have with me? not a nice man i tell you that now... and am glad i'm not the girlfriend thats sat at home having to wory is he cheating again, because i bet thats going through her head every minute of the day! and she deserves it for taking my man in the 1st place = |
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I'm in a similar situation. I am 5 months pregnant by a no good guy. He has other kids and told me before I even knew I was pregnant that he didnt want anymore. To make a long story shorter, I tell him things about the baby and he shows no emotion won't say anything acts mute you can say. Before I found out what I was having I asked him if he wanted to know what it was when I found out and he told me yea. Then I asked when it's born do you want to know and he told me yea. Lastly I asked him do you want anything to do with the baby and he will not answer this question. We met at work, and he has done everything to try to hurt me, he has tried to talk to a coworker right in front of my face and thinks it's funny.. Luckily she didn't follow through with it because she thought me and him had something going on but me and him would never admit it. I ask him to go to doctors appointments with me and he always makes some kind of excuse about not being able to. I showed him ultrasound pics and he seemed to be interested in them because when he was done it seemed that he didnt want to give it back to me because I found out what I was having with that ultrasound. I send him messages saying being that it seems that you don't care about this baby why should I continue being nice to you. And I do not think you need to know when it is born because you dont care. He tells me he's not going to say he doesn't care about the baby, he just doesn't show his emotions like that. He has disrespected me so much by trying to talk to that girl right in front of my face and she tells me when I am off that he is worse. We no longer work together. I am tired of dealing with him so I have decided to let him go, I have sent him a text stating that he doesn't have to worry about me bothering him anymore and he won't hear from me anymore until he is served with child support papers. So I'm going to leave it at that. If he wants to be a part of the baby's live when it is born that is on him. I am tired of trying to make him be involved. And this is my first child and will be his fourth and he is younger than me.
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All i have to say...without reading everyone elses response is....If he' wasnt ready to be a daddy then he shouldnt be having sex!!! plain and simple!!! yes u can look at the situation from both points of view....but The fact of the matter is...SEX makes BABIES!!! lol...if youre not responsible enough to be a parent....dont freakin have sex!!! how hard is that......id take his ass to court and milk him for all he's worth!
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he really should pay child support, even if u can support the baby on ur own....geez put the money away fro the kids college fund or something....guys have it so easy, it shouldnt be that way......too many times ive seen girls get pregnant then get abandoned by the father....he just up and leaves and gets away with it....thats not fair...and while u cant force someone to be a parent(in some cases its for the better)..u can still make them pay for it
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He's not a man he's a boy , that's the first child for and he is acting like that but don't worry just PRAY and GOD will do the rest. GOOD LUCK
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I can understand where your coming from. i wasnt with my ex for very long but i thought we were atually going somewhere. But when i found out i was pregnant it was a shock for both of us but he said i had to have an abortion or he would leave. i refused to have an abortion and he left me. Now im 36 weeks pregnant and havent heard a thing from him in around 5 months cause hes seeing someoone else wat shall i do???
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DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE SAY NO TO CHILD SUPPORT OFFER!!! You do not know when that may come in handy and child support is for the child let him decide what to do with it when the time comes. Honey God may not give you anything you can't handle but as a single parent let me tell you he will give you 99.9999% of it. Keep your head up and be strong I know the one thing I miss when I was pregnant was being pampered and having someone to share the little details with, so I know what you mean when you say it's not the same with a family member.
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1 am 21 i have a five year old daughter. She does not have a father in her life. I got pregnant when I was 15. she is curantly living with MY father. I am traviling all over the country selling gas powered equipment.I just started 2 months ago. me and my boy friend or ex-boyfriend. everytime he gets in a bad mood he tells me im on my own.I am 9 weeks pregnant.I completely trusted that when i came to this job with him ,that like for the past 2 years,I let him take care of me.That he still would. But since I'm pregnant.He knows I have no other options.so he doesn't care how he treats me.he says he's done with me every other day. I have to stay in a different room than him some times. So not only have I had one pregnancy alone. This one is just as bad. not only does he break my heart all the time,he puts stress on me that way.puting his /my child in danger. he never stopes saying he "Loves me with his whole heart" It seemes thats almost impossable. he says i better start making money selling.Because otherwise,Im screwed.and sometimes he makes me trust him again and be secure and then turns around and breakes my heart all over again.Most of the time I dont want to live.I'm scared.I know I sound like a baby but, I just needed someone to tell.
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Well Alyssa,
I really feel for you. I am four months along and in a not great relationship. Just for perspective, think about this: what if he were this lousy to you and then demanded to be involved with your child? Do you want that kind of a man in your child's life? One who doesn't support a pregnancy he helped to create, who leaves his pregnant ex alone while dating another woman who he simply doesn't tell anything to? I think with time you'll find somebody who deserves you, once you're ready for him, you'll meet him. And until then, at least you don't have to put up with an asshole trying to involved with your little one. It'll be much easier on you not having to compromise child-rearing decisions and not having to run anything by him, given his evident selfishness and way of thinking. Good luck to you. = |
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alyssa i have been there and am there again i cn help u, please get in touch jodiestott@yahoo.co.uk with strength u can beat this and i promise things will get better no matter how much u bebleive they wont xxxxxxxxxx
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Hey girl, just wanted to drop you a line to tell you not to feel too alone. I'm in almost the exact same boat. I'm going on 7 months, and I've spoken to the dad once since I told him, and that was three months ago. His reaction when I told him was (and I quote) "I refuse to be the father of YOUR baby". Well that was that, I don't think he really even believed I was pregnant. We had dated for almost a year and I was in love with him, but just before I found out I was pregnant he dumped me in the hopes of getting back together with his ex. Tickles me pink to know she didn't want him back though.:-D Anyway, I've been all alone and it's been really hard, especially when I'm still head over heels for the loser. But I totally understand where you're at, and how bad it sucks. I just try to remind myself everyday, that I'm gonna end up with a beautiful little baby because of it and he is gonna end up without. It makes me feel better, cuz I have a 4y/o and she's the best gift God could ever give, I have no doubts this baby will be just as special.
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Well here's my story, I have been with this man who Iam in Love with more then anything. He's Married but supposedly Seperated from her because he has been Living with me for a Year. He put me in my Apartment and Lived with me for a Year, I just found out in August that Iam pregnant and when I told him. He went back home to his wife. Now iam 20 Years old I have no Support what so ever, Iam not working right now. I dont even have a steady place to live at the moment because iam about to lose my apartment. My Mother had called his wife last night and it was as if she didnt even know anything. Now she's saying that no matter what I do shes not divorcing him, and my Kid will be a bastard because her husband will not step up because she wont allow it. I dont understand how She could still stay with him after all this time. I wasnt expecting to be back with him once I had said anything. I just wanted him to know how it felt to be alone. To Love someone so much one day and then when they really need you the most to just leave. I dont know what else to do. Iam so scared and I dont know the first thing to do right now. I know that Iam to blame as well...but why should he leave me and then still be back with her?? While iam left with no one. When we first started dating he Promised me that he would never hurt me...But he crushed me. Iam scared and confused and I dont know whats going on.... Please Help me out!!!
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I totally know how you feel..i have kind of the same problem. I am 17 and almost 8 months pregnant...about a month ago while i was in the hospital..i found out that my boyfriend of over a year was cheating on me...It literally just happened overnight..now he spends almost every waking moment with the girl..and i keep thinking.."why didn't he ever do that for me.."...well she is a lot older than him and VERY controlling...yet that was his excuse for leaving me...and he says he wants to be there for the baby but he only calls every once in awhile and he acts totally different..none of this is like him.. plus...he lives right around the corner from me..so it's like a freaking slap in the face...i'd really love to talk to someone who has been there or kind of understands.... Xavier_and_mom@yahoo.com
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I'm sorry about your situation. I can relate to it because I'm currently in that similiar position. Except for my babies father is married to someone. We met about a year ago and he told me he was in the process of getting a divorce. I trusted that he would get it done because they had been seperated for a year. Well he didn't and the situation got really bad after she found out I was pregnant. She started calling on a regular basis coming up to my job and we were living together our life together had it's ups and downs. For the most we had some good times me and my two children. Well I had to be woman enough to put him out because I couldn't deal with knowing that he was still messing wit someone else. Especially knowing that she had all pull and rights. I wanted him to make a decision not to make him make one. Well, he moved in wit his mom and we see each other every now and then. I had to get in control of my own emotions and not let him contol them. That's what you have to do is get control of your emotions!!! Sorry you are going through this!!!!
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that's not true! to have intimate relationship with someone is resposability! always sex is responsability co it has 2 faces...guyz know that very well and it'a not her fault she got pregnant but all he can do is behave as a coward...she didn't ask him to go to jail but just to have some doctors appointments and just to be there for his child...i don't understand why guyz always blame it to someone else...life doesn't ask us when we want to be pregnant ....it just happens! the only way not to happen is not to have relationships!
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If this wasn't a planned pregnancy all you had to do was hit him up for child support. If this was planned, he's pretty evil. What's worse is that he'll probably get another woman pregnant and do the same thing. This man sounds like a coward.
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hes an ass and you dont need him i met my ex when she was 7months and i took care of her and her son "i call him mine i love him" for the last 3 yrs and she took me for evry thingmy house i had befor we got together my car i mean evry thing she used "my" son to get it all and now i cant see him shane_r_perkins@yahoo.com lets talksome time
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Jill, what about when a man lies to you and tells you that he wants you to get pregnant/ What about when they practically try to get you pregnant and then bail the second they find out? Does he still get rights then? Does he still deserve a say in the baby's life?
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I TOTALLY disagree with you Jill, what you said on the first response to this post. HE PORKED HER WITHOUT A CONDOM, AND MOST OF THE TIME, AN "UNTIMELY" PREGNANCY HAPPENS WHEN YOU AREN'T SMART ENOUGH TO WRAP IT UP!! Its not like Alyssa just was like, "ok, I'm gonna trick him into getting me pregnant, then, cause myself and the child misery." "Yeah, sounds like a good plan." No, doubt she did that. And, its not like he is 15, he is 38 for Gods sake, and needs to take responsiblity for his actions. Even with my husband, when I was on the Pill, and we weren't trying or wanting to get pregnant, we still used condoms. So, it isn't all her fault that there is this baby in his life. It's not like he is totally oblivious as to what can happen when you have unprotected sex... If he wasn't prepared for whatever reason to have a child, he should've thought of that BEFOREHAND. Good luck Alyssa.
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