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Is anyone out there dealing with the term "emo". My daughter considers herself to be one. Her dress and hair is outrageous, but if that was all that we had to deal with then there would be no problem, however, she is self mutilating , has quit going to school, I have quit my job to do homeschooling, it in itself has been a challenge but I know that it's the best decision that i've made for her, and i wish that i would have started it 3 years ago. She is very angry, sad, mad explosive, very mean to her father and I and to her siblings, but there is a side to her that is so loving and beautiful. I know that my daughter is in that body somewhere I am just trying desperately to find her once again. She will start theropy very soon within the next few days, I hope that it will shed some light as to what is wrong and how to deal with it. I have been researching the music that she listens too and I am so ashamed and angry, I wonder if these people really know what they are doing to our children by putting terrible negative things in there heads? I know that my daughters problems are not just from the music but it certainly didn't help her. Is anyone out there dealing with anything like this if so I would really like some advice and help. ↓
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| Name: Lizzi | Date: Nov 26th, 2006 10:11 PM |
| My son uses the EMO term too,he's a sophmore in highschool. He wanted to get the wacky haircut but I told him absolutely not!! So he opted for a nice clean cut I'd approve of,(thank God!) As for the music? My son listens to a great variety of it. He even listens to some German band. Some of the lyrics to some of the music is far from what I';d call appropriate but at the same time I don't think the music makes the kid either. For instance my son does really well in school and stays out of trouble and away from drugs and alcohol and cigarettes. The worst thing he does is gets sassy every now and then! I think there is alot more going on with your daughter. I don't know if therapy will work for her or not,it depends on if she is willing to open up in there or not,if not you are wasting your money! Try harder talking to her yourself. If you are in the right place alone and have the time needed together,maybe she might be willing to open up to you. But you have to be willing to listen to her and really hear what she is saying and believe her no matter what it is she has to say. Don't be quick to brush off anything she says just because you may not agree with what she is saying. Hear her out completely,she needs to know that you love her,believe her,are there for her and truly want to help her with whatever it is that's bothering her. It could be a friendship problem or a boyfriend problem,she could be getting made fun of or teased. She could be into drugs or drinking,she could be under alot of peer pressure,maybe a family member has hurt he in some way,it could be anything so be prepared for that. Plan a place and time for you and her to be alone together for a day,and maybe she will open up to you but be ready to listen. Don't get angry and don't assume or accuse,doing that will get you nowhere, I wish you luck! Keep me posted please! ↑ |
| Name: marija | Date: Nov 27th, 2006 9:36 AM |
| whats EMO? we have goth here, but the kids are just wannabees and usually have no idea where or what originated goth..is this something im gonna have to be on the lookout for? ↑ |
| Name: marija | Date: Nov 27th, 2006 9:38 AM |
| i had never even heard of cutting until an episode of House and yet it seems to be an issue of sorts...is that a big trend / disorder??..in the us ↑ |
| Name: marija | Date: Nov 28th, 2006 1:21 AM |
amanda, thanks for enlightning me
i asked my 15yo last night if he had heard of EMO and cutting
his answer...EMO is when your depressed and you cut your wrists.
my response...huh
i asked if there were EMOs at school and he said
"yeah..one cut him self and said it hurt so he doesnt do that. They mostly just hang around looking like dorks"
either his school is full of dumbasses and wannabees or these kids really do have identity issues. It seemed to me that these kids have heard about a certain trend and try to emulate them, but dont understand or havent lived through something enough to relate to being one. They just copy
Im in australia...all my teen nieces,nephews and my kids and friends kids are pretty open so i asked them on the subject and only one came back with it being about the music, the rest have no idea..they just think its a drab gothic offshoot.
Some of them had heard about cutting but again most kids think its the stupidist thing they had ever heard of.
I did ask my kids if they would consider becoming EMO or try cutting and i got the answer i hoped for...outright laughter and what the hell for.
Why do you think kids respond to EMO and cutting?
I think Australia is still a bit innocent at the moment. we have the same problems the world has, but the scale is low, our entire population is less than some major world cities. ↑ |
| Name: marija | Date: Nov 28th, 2006 1:22 AM |
| Name: marija | Date: Nov 28th, 2006 1:37 AM |
amanda i went to that site and i am totally surprised at the dress ...i think they look nice...i dont know what plugs are ( im assuming their ear plugs????) even there hearts and hates seem to be normal..im confused..It seems to me by that web site that they are just normal teens with different taste in music...i dislike all that stupid rap...not because of its music because i think the lyrics sexually degrade most women and now i have to reeducate my son about how to treat a woman when you start a sexual relationship and my girl how its not fair or right to become a toy for men. If emo is about music and relating to it, i can relate to that, i too was a teen once..music was everything.
i just showed my 15yo again and he said they look weirder than that..
are EMOs cutters as well..is that part of the fashion statement / lifestyle? ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Nov 28th, 2006 6:00 AM |
well I have learned some on emo recently.......
Emo are emotional teens. They release there emotions through tears some use cutting ( non emo teens cut as well)
music, poetry etc.
Most of the Emo's I have heard of have not been really close with their parents. It almost seems like something is missing. They are looking for attention, they Need the attention, they will not necessarily say so though.
Momof3dolls, the best thing you can do for your daughter( in my opinion) is continue to homeschool, remove her from the friends etc, fill her life with family who love her, listen to what she needs to say, validate her feelings and just love her.
Keep us posted. ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Nov 28th, 2006 6:05 AM |
| Oh I am not saying that you are not close with your daughter, just sharing what I have been learning, each is different...... ↑ |
| Name: marija | Date: Nov 28th, 2006 7:24 AM |
amanda
thanks for your reply. its okay about the kids lying..my kids lie as much as the next teen, my two are pretty immature for their age. i do have worry's about them especially my son "teenage boy" post, but im keeping an eye on him. when i saw this i thought...great another thing to be on the lookout for. We live rurally so they are restricted as to where they can be or cant be..so i can keep them under the wing a little longer...my daughter lives with my brother at the moment because i kicked her out...she rings every couple of days to come home but im not ready to be a door mat again just yet..(i'll let her suffer a little longer..lol..my brother is a bitch to live with...still find it amazing his wife is with him.) so we still have the teen issues. I have always been open with them even when it embarasses them. i believe if you dont open the possibilities of things going downhill then you cant cope with them if they do happen and hopefully my kids will know the consquences and responsibilities of those actions. I cannot stop what they are thinking, i cannot foresee if they take an addictive path or a dangerous path all i can do is educate myself and inform them as best as i can...then cross all fingers and toes and ...HOPE ↑ |
| Name: SusanH | Date: Nov 28th, 2006 4:23 PM |
| At the risk of feeling studid, I don't know what "emo" is as a term......? How old is your daughter? ↑ |
| Name: SusanH | Date: Nov 28th, 2006 4:25 PM |
| Nevermind, If I had actually scold down I would have worked it out. Duh.... ↑ |
| Name: momof3dolls | Date: Nov 29th, 2006 8:53 PM |
| I've just read all of the comments and wanted to answer some of your questions and also to reply to some of your comments. First of all I am really glad that I've found this message board I know that it is going to be a great help to me. Amanda you asked me how I found out that my daughter was cutting herself, I was waking her up for school, I sat on her bed and cried, she hugged me and was very upset that I was upset, it was a very emotional moment for the both of us. My girls are my dolls, they are such gifts to me, it just blew me and still does. Winnmom, thank you for the positive feedback, that is what I need at this point. We are taking this one day at a time, my daughter had already distanced herself from most of her friends and missed so many days of school that she was not going to pass the school year. I went to the school system, asked for help and the only responce that I got from them was that I would just have to waite and let it go through the court system, that was the end of last school year. I took her to our family Dr. and she was put on Zoloft. She continued to miss school but her mood seemed to change,,,,,but her sleep patterns were still way off, she stayed awake all night slept all day , then one day she said mom I think this medication is making me not myself and I don't want to feel like this anymore, I listened and told her that it was OK for her to stop taking it. I thought that things would be OK, I listened to the advice of the school system to let someone else decide the fate of my daugther if she didn't go to school. One day I just realised,,,,,,waite a minute I"ve got to do something myself,,,,,this cannot go on any longer,,,,,,,I'm not doing everything that I can to help her and she needs me,,,,,,,it was the most adult decision that I have ever made in my life, I stayed online all weekend long,,,,,,researched everything,,,,,typed up the letters to the school system ,,,,,bought the curriculum,,,,,,,made the calls,,,,,,found her some treatment made the appointment for that,,,,gave notice to my employeer and here we are taking one day at a time,,,,,it's very hard, she is in the 10th grade and I"ve been out of school for 20 years,,,,,but we are taking it day by day. She is smiling, I haven't seen any new cutts,,,,thank God, and she even wants to paint her room and take all her posters down, I didn't even bring it up she did,,,,,,it is my responsibility to raise my daughter to the best of my ability to be the healthiest, happiest most productive person that she can be and that is what I plan to do. I think some of you mentioned drugs,,,she has experimented with drugs, but before I took this on I did random drug screens, she was telling me that she was not doing any drugs and I wanted to make sure that her behavior was not drug related. One of you commented that whatever she told me to just listen and not be judjemental,,,,,,,,my children could tell me anything and I would never judge them, that is the way that I teach them to be as individuals and that is the person that I am. ↑ |
| Name: marija | Date: Nov 30th, 2006 12:38 AM |
momof3dolls
**huge hug to you**..i think you are doing an incredible job, I would like to think thats how i would handle the situation if it occurred. Whatever the outcome (and i hope only the best for u)
Know that you did your utmost showing your kids how much you love and care for them. good luck to u and yours. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Nov 30th, 2006 8:19 PM |
| momof3dolls,pat yourself on the back! You are doing EVERYTHING you know to do,great job! And it looks like it's paying off! I'm glad she came to you about the zoloft,I've heard bad things about that one,some have committed suicide on it. Prozac is much better and safer,i take that myself! ↑ |
| Name: bmes | Date: Nov 30th, 2006 9:12 PM |
| that is so weird that you mentioned this. It wasn't toooo long ago that I was in high school and we did Not have EMO then. But my brother is 13 years old and just the other day I was asking him about one of his friends and he told me he doesn't hang out with him anymore cause he went all "EMO". I was thinking, "what the heck is that?????" lol....now I know. thank you!! :-) ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Dec 2nd, 2006 7:34 AM |
Momof03dolls
It really sounds like you have everything heading in the right directions, that is so wonderful.....
I was/ am going through kind of the same thing. The things you are doing is similar to what we have done and I tell you it has helped so very much. The differences are huge !!!!
No matter how hard things are now, remember it is not forever and one day your daughter will look back and thank-you for all you have done for her.
No matter what our precious children do-go through- need- we need to be there, just like you are doing now.....
It sounds like you are a wonderful mother, I do not pop into this crowd often I am usually in stay at home moms, drop in if you feel like chatting, and I will come back here as well and see how everything is going for you. ↑ |
| Name: CutsBruises | Date: Dec 2nd, 2006 6:50 PM |
| EMO stands for emotional, so tahts exactly what she is, try and find out whats wrong and fix the solution. ↑ |
| Name: lil_emo_depression | Date: Dec 31st, 2006 11:26 AM |
| EXCUSE ME! emo kids are not that bad, and anyway im an emo teenager..... why is it any of your buisness! i mean comon get a life and let your kid live hers! do you have to know evrything about your doughter? i mean it's her life not your! ↑ |
| Name: Here_to_help | Date: Jan 16th, 2007 10:41 AM |
| Name: Here_to_help | Date: Jan 16th, 2007 10:42 AM |
| I agree, lil_emo_depression ↑ |
| Name: Here_to_help | Date: Jan 16th, 2007 10:43 AM |
| Look, Mothers! Those wonderful haircuts aren't wacky!! What world Are you living in??? ↑ |
| Name: yet_another_tear | Date: Jan 19th, 2007 3:08 PM |
I am alot like your dughter from what you have said. However, the reason I do the "self mutilation" is because I feel like it's the only pain I can control!! The best thing you can do for her is leave her along, DO NOT question her!! She will become VERY upset, and go away and she'll more than likely end up cutting again. Don't take her music, that is another way to express how you feel. When she gets upset she goes and BLARES her music doesn't she?? She's trying to get you to listen to the words and she thinks that if you listen you'll begin to understand!! I changed schools, because people became soo crule, I still cut though. It has become an addiction. I can not stop. I am 12 going on 13 my mother has sent me to 3 counclers, and all they have done is made it worse. She will inot confess anything. Most emo children feel alone and wont to be alone. Try to talk to her but dont question her constintly. If you have any quaestions, i would be more than happy top answer them for you...my email is....
[email protected]
.:*Fallen Angel*:. ↑ |
| Name: TeenageWasteland182 | Date: Feb 5th, 2007 3:57 AM |
Hae
You may nt find this vry help fully but this is coming from someone hu knows exactly how your daughter is feeling, hu i am is immatetrial.
Ok so Emo, is another Steriotype, how ever your idea of sitting down and talking to your daughter is not a good one, Emo's dnt usually tell people thur problems unless its their closest frend.
The whole cutting wrists thing can be brought on by depression, or sadness, because it feels good or sometimes Emo's can make up things that they think they should be sad about and then just cut themselves thinking they are worthless or useless.
As for the music, it probably doesn't play a very big part in her attitude changing and violent behaviour, just leave and let her do what she needs to do, however if her cutting gets to bad you will to step in, apart from that i'm possitive its just a time of her life where she wants to be different of maybe all her frendz are doing it, she'll be fine.
Just keep you distance and if she wants to talk to you or tell ou something that bad she will :)
Ace ↑ |
| Name: TeenageWasteland182 | Date: Feb 5th, 2007 4:00 AM |
| I agree with the ppl above me, us Emo's arn't as bad as u parents make us, just back off a bit, and those hair cuts are awesum! ↑ |
| Name: StreamOfSorrow | Date: Feb 18th, 2007 7:31 AM |
| Hey I'm Mimi I was looking for an emo chat room and came across this. I'm emo and I'm 15 so I might be able to help. If she is really emo and considers herself as emo She is suppose to be emotinal. Emos just have a diffrent way of expressing how they feel and sometimes don't know what they feel. They mostly like to be left alone when alone. I usualy stray from my friends just to get away and think. and for the theropy thing I'm not sure but most people really don't like to answer questions that have to do with them. It might work it might not. Basicly your daughter is who she is and you have to love her for that, and not try to change her. If it is a phase or something she will grow out of it on her own. I hope I helped ~~~~~Mimi if you need help or have any questions email me okay [email protected] ↑ |
| Name: ladybug55552001 | Date: Feb 19th, 2007 10:35 AM |
| Hi...My daughter who is 14 was also trying to be "emo"...I found out about it after talking with one of her friend's mother...I knew something was wrong with my daughters behavior...but didn't know what...she was cutting her wrists...wearing black...staying in her room with her curtains closed...very moody etc...just thought it was adolescence...but this is much worse...I informed the school she goes to about this...and they didn't seem to have a clue what "emo" was...even the counselor didn't know and she counsels at the middle and high school level...pretty sad they didn't even know...since I had a talk with my daughter...she seems to have a weight lifted off her shoulders...and I believe she got this info on "emo" from kids at her school...I had never even heard of it until now...and I've raised 3 other children...a new fad I guess...but not a good one...am hoping I have her on the right track now but only time will tell...if you want to talk with me...please contact me at [email protected]'ve never really had any problems with her until now with this emo thing...scared the hell of her father and me I can tell you...it can get to the point where they don't eat lunch...try to throw up...my daughter was even sleeping in the bathroom by the toilet...I knew something was up but didn't know what...very frustrating...look up on google...emo...and you will be shocked with what is going on...also urbandictionary.com...and type in the search box...emo kids...and cutters...read about all that...pretty scary stuff...and the school had no clue...we live up north and they tend to "sit on their hands" and hope these things will go away...don't like change and don't want to deal with these issues...well I'm a mother and they WILL deal with this...because I know my daughter got this from someone at this school...so there are other kids doing this..one school up near us even sent home letters to the kids parents ...of the kids whom the school thought or knew were into this emo thing...so how could my school not know?...Anyways please contact me and let me know how your daughter is doing...I need to talk with someone who is going thru this and see how best to handle it...thanks and have a great day...Diane Langan ↑ |
| Name: PosersNFakes | Date: Feb 20th, 2007 9:37 PM |
| i like willys they r cool ↑ |
| Name: sarah.katie | Date: Feb 22nd, 2007 10:35 AM |
I'm a 15 year old girl from Australia. After a pretty rough childhood in year 6 I started cutting myself and doing other pretty bad things to cope, as it was the only way I knew how. I was little miss popular, so obviously I had to hide it from everyone. Things just got worse from there. In year 8 my mum finally saw the cuts, and she panicked and started overly mothering me, and putting me through all kinds of therapys and stuff. I can tell you that was not what I needed. Because of all that was happening in my life, and I had a friend who was in almost the same situation, we started hanging out with the goths, which then led us to start the 'emo' group. I no longer had to fake who I was and we all tried to help each other. Unfortunately this isn't the case in most places, a lot of 'emo' people will bring their friends down.
I think my mum should've responded a completely different way. Instead of assuming she understood how I felt, I think she should've just asked if I wanted to talk about it. I think teens in situations like that need someone to talk to, but parents have to understand that it can't always be them. Music can indeed be a problem, but for me it was more of an escape - to finally have something that "understood" me and didn't let me down. You can easily gain a teenagers disrespect by telling them they can't see their emo friends anymore and they can't listen to their emo music. So instead maybe try to introduce them to other things. Religious or non religious youth groups. Tell them to take like one friend for support and stuff, but put them around more positive people.
As I want to be a psychologist, I pay a lot of attention to peoples thinking patterns and human behavior.
So I discovered:
Emo's become emo for a reason. Just like prostitutes, it's not like a little girl with a perfect life dreams to be a prostitute, you have to have a motive to be there.
There are a few kinds of emos. There are the emos that just dress emo but are quite content with their life (i go to a christian school and we have a few of them.), and if asked they will say that they're happy and stuff.
There are the emos that do it for attention. But then you have to ask yourself, why are they that desperate for attention that they would run a straight razor across their wrist?
There are the emos that have just conformed to this group for acceptance. This is common for people that just never fit in with the 'preps' or 'freshys' (popular people).
Lastly there are the emos that possibly had a hard life, or just have severe coping problems. Trust me, a parent will never know all their kids problems. These kids are serious about suicide.
In my opinion, they ALL need help.
Teens are extremely influence by the world around us. My mother went anorexic, so I did too. A boy I knews brother killed himself, so he hurt himself. Movies and music and I'm guessing video games too are very influential. This is the part of life were we have to 'find ourselves', but it's very difficult trying to find yourself when you're put under all the pressures that todays youth undergo, so we look for ways to cope. Self mutilation is a way to cope, and to survive in this world you need acceptance from those around you, hence where this whole emo trend came from.
So basically I'd say show your kids you love them and care for them. Offer to lend an ear and a shoulder to cry on, but don't force it upon them or they'll push you away.
Keep in mind i'm only 15, and I'm not the most intelligent of fifteen year olds =P but yeah hopefully this helped... ↑ |
| Name: emo-gril | Date: Mar 3rd, 2007 5:47 PM |
| Name: emo-gril | Date: Mar 3rd, 2007 5:47 PM |
| Name: emo-gril | Date: Mar 3rd, 2007 5:48 PM |
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