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| Name: Michele | Date: May 23rd, 2006 10:08 PM |
| Well, I'm not a mother or anything, I'm still quite young myself (15), but please consider what I say. Comming from someone who had that exact problem & that is only starting to get help for it, please listen. You can't just say to yourself that "it's just a phase", by saying that, that's how you "ignore" the problem. When you do that it just gets much worse & some times it's too late once you realise it's not just a phase. For the cutting thing, you need to sit down with your daughter & tell her that you care about her well being & that you might not fully understand what she's going through but that you are always there if she needs to talk. She obviously won't suddenly spill her guts & tell you everything, but it's a good first step to make her understand you're there for her. Next thing you should do, is maybe consider a long term treatment programme, because if untreated this could go on up until she's in the mid-20s. Now, by long term I mean that you should not just get her to go to this "place" if you will, I mean weekly or bi-weekly meatings with a psychologist or nurse specialised in self-harm. Also, to possibly understand the problem, you can't judge her, you have to just listen to whatever she has to say & be kind of a "friend", if you will. Also, there is a lot of reasons why a kid would do this to themselves, but if you say she's showing them off at school, it could be because she wants attention. I'm not saying thats the reason, but it could be. Now, if I didn't help much, I'm sorry But if you maybe want to ask a little more, you can always email me punkrock_rude_chick@hotmail.com (I know it's kind of a weird adress, but, well, I'm too lazy to change it) I hope I helped you ↑ |
| Name: Annie | Date: May 24th, 2006 2:04 PM |
| hey,im 13 aswell and i cut and am anoreixc.i am not old enough to give great advice but i just wanted to give my point of view.i dont cut for attention,i cut to escape from my eating disorder but it seems your daughter wants attention.and not in a horrible way btw.and mabye you have been giving her attention but i have been told a million times that the age of 13 is the worst of your life.and i must say i agree though i dont know yet.mabye if you talked to her about it and dont get cross just simply explain that you love her so much and u cant stand for her to get hurt and make a fuss of her and make sure that she knows its the wrong way to get attention.mabye shes insecure,like me.i hate myself so much thats partly why i do it.i dont do it seriously but it can get worse.because im starting to like seeing the cuts there.they are not there to hurt me,they are there to be noticed.if i wanted to hurt me i would cut somwhere no1 could see.anyway im sorry if i have said anything wrong just trying to give my point of view.good luck ↑ |
| Name: Beth | Date: May 28th, 2006 12:38 AM |
| I am a cutter myself. I am 13 years old to. I have gone through the same thing that she is going through the only thing is I never show off my scars. The only thing I can say is talk to her. Now I know u probably already have but I mean really talk. If you can't talk to her get a friend of hers to. My best friend found out about me and started to talk to me. Trust me it helps! I have done the same thing she has I started wearing all dark colors I wore only long sleaves. Feel free to e-mail me ShortGnome9213@hotmail.com. I just want to help. Because right now I need help too I still haven't stoped. I just personally want to talk to somebody about my problem. I really need to talk to someone who has gone through what I am going through right now. ↑ |
| Name: liz | Date: Jun 4th, 2006 8:08 AM |
| ive been cutting myself since 11 now im 14 im still doing it n my family coudnt care less, im hoping my family one day reailse but dey have but dey dnt realt care 1 of my sis does but now he dont care n im feed up of my family nagging at me all day n night the best thing is to talk to dem tell dem u care for them n u will be there 4 dem queenz_2006@hotmail.com ↑ |
| Name: Summer | Date: Jun 4th, 2006 9:11 PM |
| Honestly Sandy, the next step is to ignore it. I hate to say it, but your daughter is looking for attention, and the wrong kind of attention at that. All you can do is make sure you are giving her lots of positive attention, and leave the cutting alone. She isn't going to cause any seriouse damage to herself. If she was she wouldn't be showing it off to everyone. I hope things get better. Let us know. ↑ |
| Name: meg | Date: Jun 7th, 2006 3:27 PM |
| she is doing it because she wants to be noticed. maybe she feels like no one bothers with her or pays attetion to her. ↑ |
| Name: Fi | Date: Jun 15th, 2006 4:30 PM |
| she is a goth & whants to die some times & maybe she hates u but she does not like to say that she hates u & she just whant to get more friends from Fi xx ↑ |
| Name: Savanna | Date: Jun 18th, 2006 3:58 PM |
| well im 13 and i cutt also......i do it to punish myself....i found that the best way to make sure she doesnot do it is to be around her alot make sure she does not have time to cutt....hopefully she will get through it ..i have not yet but i hope i do.....if you would like more advice email me at givensupnorth@msn.com ↑ |
| Name: Jamee | Date: Jun 21st, 2006 10:57 AM |
| i'm 14 and i used to cut myself the best thing to do is to stop focing therapy and stuff on her my mom did that to me and it makes you want to cut more the best thing to is just leave her alone she'll grow out of it . ↑ |
| Name: DR | Date: Jun 21st, 2006 3:01 PM |
| shes just another gothic girl that doesnt love life ↑ |
| Name: ur dauther is gothic | Date: Jun 21st, 2006 4:22 PM |
| talk to ur dauther at 13 she shouldnt cut herself. she probally doing this because no one likes her or wants to hang out wit her. or if ur douversed that could be a reason. get her on a chat room and get her some friends. get her to where she can talk in public or to a croud. counseling that will only make it worse ha counselers... dont put her in a shrink because that will make her pissed (exscuse the languge) oh yeah hospitalization yeah give her a reason to hate u if my dad put me in hospitalization i would kick his ass (exscuse the languge) ↑ |
| Name: iloveyou831_05 | Date: Jun 21st, 2006 10:32 PM |
| I did that for a long time. The thing that got me to stop was my mom actually walking in while I did it, and my boyfriend finding out. I went a year w/ out doing it and then really pushed myself. Don't tell her it's "weird" because that'll just make her mad. Tell her it hurts you really bad to know that she has to hurt herself. ↑ |
| Name: Kirsti | Date: Jun 28th, 2006 1:11 AM |
| I'm 13 and i started cutting myself when i was 12 years old and i still do at times i have been in a hospital 3 times i have been in counsiling every year since 2nd grade fir depression... My mom has tried everything to stop me and truthfully i think NOTHING will work my older sister is 17 too... But i started cutting myself less and less when i talked to someother people that have cut their wrist and i haven't cut myself since last month... If u want tell ur daughter my e-mail city_girl_1993@hotmail.com or my cell phone 1-319-325-5065 if she ever needs to talk.. ↑ |
| Name: nicole jones | Date: Jun 28th, 2006 2:58 AM |
| ... i wouldn't be giving out your phone number online hun. anyone in the whole world can read that.. not just the person it's intended for, and in the reverse directory i could get your address in a second. ( not that i would do that... that's just concerning ) ↑ |
| Name: nicole jones | Date: Jun 28th, 2006 2:59 AM |
| p.s. just by the area code and the age i could probably tell you what school you go to in 2 minutes. ↑ |
| Name: Stephanie | Date: Jun 28th, 2006 3:09 AM |
| Hi, I am 21 and have been through this. If you need to contact me and this isn't an old post. Contact me at stephanievalentine@hotmail.com (i have messenger) I will be more than happy to reveal what I have gone through and what I have done. ↑ |
| Name: Brette | Date: Jul 2nd, 2006 7:13 AM |
| i dont mean 2 be rude okay, and please dont take offence. i cut myself for a number of years, to the point of needing stitches. the 'cat scratches' you describe and the 'showing off' tend to just be attention seeking. its a phase and it will wear off! if it gets worse, THEN do something because honestly, atm its all for attention. if you wanna talk 2 a 'recovered cutter' email me or add me 2 msn, stevens_brette@hotmail.com ↑ |
| Name: Sarah | Date: Jul 2nd, 2006 8:20 AM |
| It's a phase I've been going through it lately....it's because things are on the mind and we think the only way to get it off out chest is to cut ourself, but after you cut yourself you regret it but still do it, it's a phase of depression she needs to know someone is there to talk to her about this and needs to get everything out into the open, I started cutting myself because of boy problems but I have calmed down now, she just needs to calm down abit. ↑ |
| Name: anonymous | Date: Jul 3rd, 2006 8:15 AM |
| hey. im 15 and this past february i started cutting my boyfriend helped me and i got over it pretty quick. but i have to deal with looking at the scars on myself every single day and they just make me sick to my stomach. i think i discovered i was cutting because subconciously i knew at some point i would be able to use it against my dad and stepmom. they never listen to anything i say. not me being a whiny teenager or anything they just really don't. my dad always has to be right and even though im 15 my dad still can't believe that i can have my own thoughts and opinions. he thinks everything that comes out of my mouth is from my mother for whom he hates and says all the time he wants to kill. but sorry, putting her in a friggin looney bin isn't going to help her. unfortunately im pretty sure she is just doing this for the attention. it's a sick thing to do i know, believe me i know, but thats probably what it is. if it's just scratches which is what mine are but were bad enough to bleed a bit and leave scars than she really doesn't want to hurt herself. there could be other stuff going on as well. just don't lose trust or your love for her and support her. however i wouldn't give her a lot of freedom either. she needs to feel like you care enough to not let her go and do whatever she wants. ↑ |
| Name: youngwife | Date: Jul 3rd, 2006 2:29 PM |
| It could also be that recently maybe she got a new bf who is into the dark stuff and he is rubbing off on her maybe some of her friends do it and she just wants attention. Or maybe she has a serious problem have you tried not saying anything to her about like I mean watch her and make sure she doesn't do it to bad but the next time you see cuts just ignore them don't let her get any attention from it that may be all she wants. i know because I used to do it cause my bf did it and my friends and i wanted attention since I have grown up and realize it was a very dumb thing to do. If she is hanging out with alot of kids who are wearing lots of black you may want to try to pull her away from them alot of the kids like that cut just for fun. Also maybe take away sharp objects from her and just talk to her don't get mad at her tell her your conceren not mad. That was my problem my mom got mad and didn't tlk to me about it/. I hope I helped some. ↑ |
| Name: yoke | Date: Jul 4th, 2006 2:14 AM |
| you have to find the source of it first ↑ |
| Name: liam | Date: Jul 4th, 2006 2:28 PM |
| my advice as a kid dont tell her not to do it just say its your life u are ruining so if u want to ruin your life go ahead and if u get in trouble dont come crying back to me ↑ |
| Name: stephen | Date: Jul 8th, 2006 3:44 AM |
| i would put her in a mental phasility(intensive care unit) and keep her there for about two weeks then take her out then see how she acts ↑ |
| Name: cyrusmastrud | Date: Jul 9th, 2006 3:16 PM |
| my theiry is that she is not spending enough time with you. So my suggestion is that you should have a specal time, it's when at night your daughter or son talk to you at night for the day and anything else on his or her mind.(just let her or him talk ,don't interupt). ↑ |
| Name: Catherine | Date: Jul 10th, 2006 7:15 PM |
| I use to be a cutter so I know what they are going through. I'm 17 years old I use to cut because of what my parents put me through by yelling at me all the time. but that is not the only reason that teenagers cut it can also be because of school, friend, peer preasure, and a psychological disability. ↑ |
| Name: someone | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 6:04 PM |
| she will get out of the whole im goth phase real soon and i dont think she is cutting herself to hurt herself but to get attention i would know i did it to im 14 and i have cut marks on my arms from doing it its just to show off and get attention. u should only really worry if the cut marks start looking really deep as if she is trying to hurt herself. ↑ |
| Name: Emoboy | Date: Jul 17th, 2006 1:18 AM |
| Well you sending her to a psych hospital probably didin't help your giving her attention for her cuts that's what she wants just talk to her why she dosin't pull a gult trip tell her she's hurting you by hurting her or let it pass it dosn't really matter witch either way cutting is a habbit hard to drop trust me i still cut i have scars on my arm and that's what you want scars to show you went through it if she dosin't drop it by 15 you have trouble just give it time ↑ |
| Name: mea | Date: Jul 17th, 2006 4:29 AM |
| It is a cry for attention. Please involve yourself more in her life. She wants and needs it, and most importantly she needs it from her family. Open your heart to her and tell her, face to face, how scared and heartbroken this makes you. I was a cutter in my teens (I am 28 now), but I always did it where it wouldn't be seen by others and I always hid it. I was ashamed of it, even. It only stopped when my boyfriend broke down the first time he saw me do it after an argument where I felt SO frustrated that I lapsed back into an old habit that I thought I had grown out of. When he said that he couldn't cope with it, that we would have to break up if I continued, that shook me out of it, and I stopped permanently because I love him too much to risk that (we've been together for 10 years now). But seriously. It's NOTHING but a cry for attention. You feel lonely and sad and don't know how to cope with it. The MENTAL pain you experience is so confusing that it only makes sense when you connect it to PHYSICAL pain. In some morbid way, it soothes you and lets you calm down. It's very important that you help her find other ways to deal with the emotions that lead to it. Hope this helps. [3 ↑ |
| Name: mea | Date: Jul 17th, 2006 4:31 AM |
| ^ To add to the above that I wrote, I have NEVER wanted to take my own life. I love life, and always thought that there is no situation that you cannot flee from and start over somewhere else. So, cutting does not automatically mean you have a deathwish. Far from it. :) ↑ |
| Name: Amber | Date: Jul 17th, 2006 7:33 AM |
| She is 13. I did the same thing...it is a form of rebellion that I bear the scars from...a lot of self-loathing and confusion that will pass in time. Keep an eye on her, make sure she still has friends, and isn't doing severe harm to herself, but give her her freedom. The more you smother her, the more she'll do it, or at least that is how I felt. ↑ |
| Name: JenCarpeDiem | Date: Jul 17th, 2006 9:00 AM |
| I'm a 19 year old who used to (and occasionally still does) cut. I've spent a lot of time in the 'cutting' crowd - I regularly visit and even help moderate a few 'cutting' message boards. Generally speaking, there are two types of cutters. The genuinely depressed ones, and the attention seeking ones. The ones who are genuinely depressed keep it ALL a complete secret. They often wear long sleeved clothing all the time, even when visibly overheated. They hide EVERYTHING. If they don't tell you, you won't find out that it's happening - it's hard to notice that someone's wearing long sleeves all the time - I've kept my right forearm covered for the last six years and just bought thinner tops so I'm not overheated in summer. Dark netted tops cover the scars as well, whilst not appearing to be covering anything. However, there's a much more dangerous breed of cutters, what I call the 'Attention Seeking/Cry For Help' cutters. They sometimes do it because there is a secret - like sexual abuse - that they want people to find out, but can't bear to actually SAY it - however, since yours has had all kinds of therapy but hasn't told anyone, I doubt it's this - plus they tend to only tell a very select few, whilst your daughter is "showing them off". This makes me suspect that she's the other kind - that she does it because it's the only time she feels like she's getting enough attention, or because she wants to be special and noticed. There is a very big difference between telling a few people and showing classmates where teachers will find out. I have kept mine secret for over half a decade - since I was 13 - and I've openly told three people - two best friends and my boyfriend. I let my mother know in a letter once but it's never been mentioned since, except when she tried to sound like we had something in common when she mentioned that she used to do "a bit o' the ol' (cutting motion)" to test her pain tolerance. In the case of my mother, it was a shameful confession made only to force her to understand why I'd argued with her the way I had, but I didn't explain my reasoning. I told my best friends about it because I wanted help with stopping. It didn't work, I started to enjoy the attention they were giving me because of it and would only do it more. I realised what I was doing (it had been fairly subconscious until I realised) and stopped telling them. Attention is surprisingly addictive - as is cutting itself. My boyfriend (fiance) has known about my cutting for four and a half years and has been a constant pillar of support. He's never encouraged me to do it, he's never encouraged me to stop (well, not more than once,) he's never given me extra attention for doing it, he just listens when I need to talk about. It's amazingly liberating to wear short sleeved shirts around him. Understand that I don't hide my scars because I'm ashamed of them, I hide them because I don't want to hurt people by showing them what I do. My suggestion is to ask your daughter what can be done. Tell her straight that therapy isn't working and you don't see the point in continuing with it. Tell her that you want to help, but you don't understand what she wants you to do. Ask her to keep a journal, or write letters to you, whenever she needs to let something out. Try to find out if the sight of the blood makes her feel relaxed, or if it's the pain. I honestly suspect it's neither, because something about her being this open just feels weird, do you know what I mean? Out of interest, if you go a while without mentioning the cutting, does she suddenly do it again? Did it start when her sister was getting attention? Does her sister do better in school? Have a boyfriend? You might've spotted the pattern to these questions. An important way to figure out how to help is knowing the answer to this - How did you initially discover that she was cutting? Has your 17 year old ever done it? (Ask her - letting her know that there are NO CONSEQUENCES if she has. She's old enough to sort it out herself if she still is, trust her maturity and don't press the matter if she admits to it. It's amazing just how many things younger siblings learn from their elders - it's the reason my brother doesn't know about my scars.) Wearing all black is a way to show people that she feels down - it's potentially another attention seeking method - I'm clinically depressed but still wear bright colours, because they make me look and feel happy. Try taking her clothes shopping and encourage her to choose brighter colours, it'll let you know whether it is a true colour preference or if she's just following the all black fad. Was the therapy her on her own, or were you present? If you were present, try it without, and vice versa. Maybe a therapist of a different gender will help. I recommend finding a specialist in self-harming teenagers and consult them. Ignore any suggestions to read Dr. Phil - I'd get WORSE if his methods were used on me - I can't stand the guy or his self-righteous attitude towards therapy. Going by what information I currently have, it is a phase. A phase of wanting attention and getting it the only way that is working. Stop overdoing the therapy and let her work it out on her own, the more you feed her need for attention, the worse it will get. ↑ |
